I [26F] want to enjoy sex and intimacy in general – but I can't and never have, and idk why

I don't know why. I am not asexual, I don't have a huge libido but it's there, somewhere between low and medium. I masturbate and have fantasies. Yet when I touch another human being there is nothing. I have never gotten aroused or enjoyed myself with another person.

I was a bit of a late bloomer, but then had my first kiss with some guy I had a crush on at the time, so I was definitely into him. His technique and everything seemed fine, but I didn't feel anything. It was just kind of weird, but not unpleasant either. Anyway, that still peaked my curiosity and I went through a phase of basically just kissing a bunch of people (both men and women) and later going on to do sexual stuff, I've not had full on penetrative sex though because I've never felt aroused enough to try it. The problem is that I just don't really feel anything. Like I said, when I masturbate everything works fine and I actually can come pretty fast. But when another person touches me I feel like I might as well be at a doctor's appointment. Someone kissing me feels like I might as well be licking the wall. It feels clinical. It's not unpleasant but it doesn't arouse me. The only thing that I kinda enjoy about it is when the other person is clearly enjoying themselves. I like the thought of having sex, and the feeling of power I get when I see I'm turning someone on. So my only enjoyment of sex comes from the mental side. I was kinda hoping for a bit more though.

I am confused here. I haven't had any bad experiences or trauma that might explain this either. Anyone else like this? Do you think anything can be done to make me enjoy it?



Submitted November 30, 2019 at 11:48PM

I don't know why. I am not asexual, I don't have a huge libido but it's there, somewhere between low and medium. I masturbate and have fantasies. Yet when I touch another human being there is nothing. I have never gotten aroused or enjoyed myself with another person.I was a bit of a late bloomer, but then had my first kiss with some guy I had a crush on at the time, so I was definitely into him. His technique and everything seemed fine, but I didn't feel anything. It was just kind of weird, but not unpleasant either. Anyway, that still peaked my curiosity and I went through a phase of basically just kissing a bunch of people (both men and women) and later going on to do sexual stuff, I've not had full on penetrative sex though because I've never felt aroused enough to try it. The problem is that I just don't really feel anything. Like I said, when I masturbate everything works fine and I actually can come pretty fast. But when another person touches me I feel like I might as well be at a doctor's appointment. Someone kissing me feels like I might as well be licking the wall. It feels clinical. It's not unpleasant but it doesn't arouse me. The only thing that I kinda enjoy about it is when the other person is clearly enjoying themselves. I like the thought of having sex, and the feeling of power I get when I see I'm turning someone on. So my only enjoyment of sex comes from the mental side. I was kinda hoping for a bit more though.I am confused here. I haven't had any bad experiences or trauma that might explain this either. Anyone else like this? Do you think anything can be done to make me enjoy it?
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