I (m20s) told my fiance (f20s) of over half a decade about being into kinky sex and I regret it

For the longest time I said absolutely nothing. No hints, nothing. This was partly based on the fact that sex is hard to talk about on account if my upbringing and me doing absolutely nothing to fix it. And partly to the fact that I thought she'd laugh.

Here's the thing, she's talked about a guy he dated who was into feet and laughed as she did, as if he should be ashamed of it. And when we had a dip in our sex life we decided to look at some lingerie. It was the most conservative online lingerie store you could imagine.

And the entire time we scrolled through she howl with laughter nonstop about how "weird" this shit is. Then she asks me to pick something I'm into. After that? No fucking way. I picked the most conservative, least kinky shit I could to avoid embarrassment.

Eventually, I told her what I was into. And she acted like she was into it as well. What are the odds right?

Since then, I've seen her laugh at other stuff, the usual. But then she said something that hit me: that she's more or less into getting her guy off.

So I, being the neurotic piece of shit I am, start thinking. Here's a women who laughs at anything not vanilla (sometimes even vanilla shit, by the average guy's standards) for being weird. This is also a woman who gets off to her SO getting off. And, suddenly, she's into kinky sex whereas every other type of non-vanilla sex and any sort of lingerie is weird and laughable to her?

I think what's most likely is that I look like a fucking joke in bed. So here I am, lying in the couch, insecure, depressed and absolutely humiliated because I've made a complete ass of myself a couple hundred times. I usually don't give a damn what people think, but sex is different. And we've engaged in sex that I'm 99% sure she would've howled in laughter at if I never told her I was into it.

Submitted December 01, 2019 at 12:21AM

For the longest time I said absolutely nothing. No hints, nothing. This was partly based on the fact that sex is hard to talk about on account if my upbringing and me doing absolutely nothing to fix it. And partly to the fact that I thought she'd laugh.Here's the thing, she's talked about a guy he dated who was into feet and laughed as she did, as if he should be ashamed of it. And when we had a dip in our sex life we decided to look at some lingerie. It was the most conservative online lingerie store you could imagine.And the entire time we scrolled through she howl with laughter nonstop about how "weird" this shit is. Then she asks me to pick something I'm into. After that? No fucking way. I picked the most conservative, least kinky shit I could to avoid embarrassment.Eventually, I told her what I was into. And she acted like she was into it as well. What are the odds right?Since then, I've seen her laugh at other stuff, the usual. But then she said something that hit me: that she's more or less into getting her guy off.So I, being the neurotic piece of shit I am, start thinking. Here's a women who laughs at anything not vanilla (sometimes even vanilla shit, by the average guy's standards) for being weird. This is also a woman who gets off to her SO getting off. And, suddenly, she's into kinky sex whereas every other type of non-vanilla sex and any sort of lingerie is weird and laughable to her?I think what's most likely is that I look like a fucking joke in bed. So here I am, lying in the couch, insecure, depressed and absolutely humiliated because I've made a complete ass of myself a couple hundred times. I usually don't give a damn what people think, but sex is different. And we've engaged in sex that I'm 99% sure she would've howled in laughter at if I never told her I was into it.