Lost my virginity recently and now I’m wilding out a bit but in a slightly destructive way

Okay so fair warning this might be kind of long, also on mobile so sorry for formatting issues. So I (20F) lost my virginity about two weeks ago to a sweet guy (I’ll refer to him as T, 20M) who had just gotten out of a relationship. I had the understanding that it was just a hookup deal and it might happen again in the future but we never really had a conversation about what was going on. Didn’t even define it as a friends with benefits thing (we hooked up twice btw). He knew I was a virgin and was nice about it, we would chat sometimes over text but it was mostly a carnal thing which I was totally cool with. Anyways, flash forward to this weekend where I got drunk at a party where T and his roommate, H (21M), were as well. Got basically zero attention from T which kind of annoyed me but whatever. I couldn’t find who I’d come with to get back to my apartment and went home with T and H and another guy, A. I ended up fucking A while H watched and then fucked H too. While this isn’t bad in and of itself, my roommate, D, has hooked up with H in the past when they’re drunk. They’re by no means exclusive and they haven’t gotten together in a while but I still feel bad about this aspect. Also T removed me from socials so I have no way of contacting him to apologize. I regret hurting people but I don’t regret what I did. It made me realize that I’m a lot more sexually compatible with H (he’s into light choking, put his finger in my ass, talked dirty, all stuff I’m into) and that I don’t want to pursue anything more than friendship (no benefits) with T. However, I also feel like this behavior is somewhat self destructive and I’m not really sure how to proceed. I have a therapy appointment on Wednesday so I’m hoping that will help. Anyone else experience something like this? What did you do? Was it a form of coping or were you just exploring and having fun? How do you tell the difference?



Submitted October 07, 2019 at 11:49PM

Okay so fair warning this might be kind of long, also on mobile so sorry for formatting issues. So I (20F) lost my virginity about two weeks ago to a sweet guy (I’ll refer to him as T, 20M) who had just gotten out of a relationship. I had the understanding that it was just a hookup deal and it might happen again in the future but we never really had a conversation about what was going on. Didn’t even define it as a friends with benefits thing (we hooked up twice btw). He knew I was a virgin and was nice about it, we would chat sometimes over text but it was mostly a carnal thing which I was totally cool with. Anyways, flash forward to this weekend where I got drunk at a party where T and his roommate, H (21M), were as well. Got basically zero attention from T which kind of annoyed me but whatever. I couldn’t find who I’d come with to get back to my apartment and went home with T and H and another guy, A. I ended up fucking A while H watched and then fucked H too. While this isn’t bad in and of itself, my roommate, D, has hooked up with H in the past when they’re drunk. They’re by no means exclusive and they haven’t gotten together in a while but I still feel bad about this aspect. Also T removed me from socials so I have no way of contacting him to apologize. I regret hurting people but I don’t regret what I did. It made me realize that I’m a lot more sexually compatible with H (he’s into light choking, put his finger in my ass, talked dirty, all stuff I’m into) and that I don’t want to pursue anything more than friendship (no benefits) with T. However, I also feel like this behavior is somewhat self destructive and I’m not really sure how to proceed. I have a therapy appointment on Wednesday so I’m hoping that will help. Anyone else experience something like this? What did you do? Was it a form of coping or were you just exploring and having fun? How do you tell the difference?
Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Add Comments, Posts, Links... etc.

Popular posts from this blog

The difference between being right and being understood

My boyfriend and I are 28. We’ve been together for about 1.5 years and recently moved in together. He’s a pretty patient and easygoing person (Type B) whereas I’m more particular (Type A). Of course there are two sides to every trait, and my Type A nature benefits us in some ways too. Like all couples, we have differences in perspective or preference. When this happens, he will usually say something like “I disagree (with your perspective) but fine.” I tend to push the issue in an attempt to get him to understand where I’m coming from. This escalates the disagreement into a fight because he perceives it as me trying to be “right”. I truly just want to be understood (and I want to understand where he’s coming from) so I’m looking for more of a dialogue whereas he avoids conflict and just wants it to be over as quickly as possible. His general approach is “agree to disagree” but that doesn’t make sense to me when it’s an issue that will keep coming up and requires compromise. I’m n
Read more

My (27f) gf (27f) is getting tired of me not sharing intimate/ personal info about me

I’ve always been extremely private and introverted. We have more than a year together and we’ve been living together for like 6 months, we get along pretty good and I’m really in love with her, however I can not seem to open up... and I can tell it’s frustrating to her by the way she tells me it bothers her that she feels she’s the only one committed and the one that’s always sharing... At this point I don’t even know if it is that I’ve gotten too used to it, to the point I’ve became lazy to talk about myself or give any genuine personal opinion... it sucks, really, I need to communicate better... Where do I start? Tl;dr: I can’t be completely intimate with my gf and its frustrating her, I need to communicate better because I really love her... where to start? Submitted April 25, 2019 at 06:02AM I’ve always been extremely private and introverted. We have more than a year together and we’ve been living together for like 6 months, we get along pretty good and I’m really in love
Read more

My (23M) girlfriend (25F) relationship is confusing to me. I might be the problem, or maybe we are just incompatible.

I met my girlfriend after a few serious breakups that led me to change both intentionally and unintentionally over a few years. For better and for worse. She had just gotten out of an engagement with a verbally and physically abusive man who had a cocaine problem. We have been together about 8 months now. We hit it off and spent a lot of time together but she began to push our relationship as if there were a time clock for milestones. I was pressed beyond my comfort zone and went with it because of my affection for her. My living situation fell apart and I lost a few thousand dollars to shit roommates right around the time she and I met and she offered to let me stay with her. I agreed with some resistance. I pay for food, help her with bills, and throw money toward rent while trying to get back on my feet. As long as we have been together she has gotten more possessive, angry, and irrational. She is dealing with shit from her engagement and I feel shes looking for a level of seriou
Read more