(25m) Dated a girl in college when I was 20. It’s been 4 years and I’m still coping with our breakup.

Here’s the rundown.

October 2014 I took a chance on dating someone from work. She happened to live on campus at the same Uni I went to which made things really easy for us. This story a bit strange but I think you’ll see why I’m fucked up still.

We were together for about a year. Other than a few differences in our music tastes and religious backgrounds we were a solid couple. She was new to my city and I sort of obliged to take her around and we would go out and do random things the first couple of weeks. She signed a lease with her ex-boyfriend during this time.

Before she moved here she was in a relationship with him but she was very transparent with me about the whole situation. He was rarely an issue and she practically lived at my house while we were dating.

Anyways, after the first few weeks we started having sex and things were getting... wild to say the least. The sex was really good... like unbelievably amazing. This is something that has made it hard to move on from this relationship I’ve realized.

Moving along, things went smoothly for about 5-6 months she got her own place, I helped her move and I hooked her up with one of my female friends to be her roommate. Around this time we started having problems, she was 21 and I was 20. She started going out more often without me to bars and I guess I wasn’t mature enough to just let her go out by herself.

Sometimes she would go out and I wouldn’t hear from her until the next day. It was a culmination of things like this that started to deteriorate my trust in her. I tried to explain myself multiple times over the course of our relationship how it concerned me that she wouldn’t at least give me an ok text so I didn’t have to worry. I was young and I needed reassurance because I was 200% in love with this girl.

The real issue was that I didn’t believe I was good enough for someone like her so I always thought I was going to lose her. All of this started building up over the last 4 months of our relationship. Some animosity grew between her and I and she was seemingly embarrassed to be around me in certain situations.

The last time we ever spoke was a night when I was just messing around in her apartment and her friends were over. I was just fucking around to some stupid song and she told me I was “acting gay” and she was uncomfortable. I was extremely offended by that coming from her so I decided to leave and go home. The next day I told her to come over so we could figure what was going on, it ended with me throwing her out of my house literally with my bare hands. (Being treated like shit takes a toll on you after 12mo imo.) Since then we haven’t spoken or discussed how it ended.

Anyways, this was just a rapid overview of our short relationship. We shared a lot of things together and the social connection was really deep. We would drive places and talk for hours about life and what we wanted to do. It was literally my storybook love. I don’t know if any of you have ever had something like that but it’s a different type of experience. I felt like I knew this girl my entire life.

Fast forward to today. I’m with a great girl we’ve been together for 4 years but my passion isn’t what it was. I feel different. I have little libido, we don’t have that social connection. She’s younger 22 and I’m 25. I put it to just different upbringings that we can both still learn and teach each other new things about one another but I do long for my past relationship at times. Something I’ve noticed is that I don’t care at all if my gf goes anywhere without me. I’m just numb to the entire idea now. I don’t know if that is emotional scarring or something my mind has done as a protection against my own conscience.

I feel horrible that this relationship has lingered in my mind for so long and I just want to move on but I can’t. I feel like I still have things to say to my ex but so much time has passed that it’s just strange. I also don’t want to be disrespectful to my gf if I were to reach out to my ex just for closure.

TLDR; I have a hole in my heart and I don’t know how to fix it.

Submitted October 31, 2019 at 12:18AM

Here’s the rundown.October 2014 I took a chance on dating someone from work. She happened to live on campus at the same Uni I went to which made things really easy for us. This story a bit strange but I think you’ll see why I’m fucked up still.We were together for about a year. Other than a few differences in our music tastes and religious backgrounds we were a solid couple. She was new to my city and I sort of obliged to take her around and we would go out and do random things the first couple of weeks. She signed a lease with her ex-boyfriend during this time.Before she moved here she was in a relationship with him but she was very transparent with me about the whole situation. He was rarely an issue and she practically lived at my house while we were dating.Anyways, after the first few weeks we started having sex and things were getting... wild to say the least. The sex was really good... like unbelievably amazing. This is something that has made it hard to move on from this relationship I’ve realized.Moving along, things went smoothly for about 5-6 months she got her own place, I helped her move and I hooked her up with one of my female friends to be her roommate. Around this time we started having problems, she was 21 and I was 20. She started going out more often without me to bars and I guess I wasn’t mature enough to just let her go out by herself.Sometimes she would go out and I wouldn’t hear from her until the next day. It was a culmination of things like this that started to deteriorate my trust in her. I tried to explain myself multiple times over the course of our relationship how it concerned me that she wouldn’t at least give me an ok text so I didn’t have to worry. I was young and I needed reassurance because I was 200% in love with this girl.The real issue was that I didn’t believe I was good enough for someone like her so I always thought I was going to lose her. All of this started building up over the last 4 months of our relationship. Some animosity grew between her and I and she was seemingly embarrassed to be around me in certain situations.The last time we ever spoke was a night when I was just messing around in her apartment and her friends were over. I was just fucking around to some stupid song and she told me I was “acting gay” and she was uncomfortable. I was extremely offended by that coming from her so I decided to leave and go home. The next day I told her to come over so we could figure what was going on, it ended with me throwing her out of my house literally with my bare hands. (Being treated like shit takes a toll on you after 12mo imo.) Since then we haven’t spoken or discussed how it ended.Anyways, this was just a rapid overview of our short relationship. We shared a lot of things together and the social connection was really deep. We would drive places and talk for hours about life and what we wanted to do. It was literally my storybook love. I don’t know if any of you have ever had something like that but it’s a different type of experience. I felt like I knew this girl my entire life.Fast forward to today. I’m with a great girl we’ve been together for 4 years but my passion isn’t what it was. I feel different. I have little libido, we don’t have that social connection. She’s younger 22 and I’m 25. I put it to just different upbringings that we can both still learn and teach each other new things about one another but I do long for my past relationship at times. Something I’ve noticed is that I don’t care at all if my gf goes anywhere without me. I’m just numb to the entire idea now. I don’t know if that is emotional scarring or something my mind has done as a protection against my own conscience.I feel horrible that this relationship has lingered in my mind for so long and I just want to move on but I can’t. I feel like I still have things to say to my ex but so much time has passed that it’s just strange. I also don’t want to be disrespectful to my gf if I were to reach out to my ex just for closure.TLDR; I have a hole in my heart and I don’t know how to fix it.