It's not possible to have a relationship without asking them or yourself to change is it?

Yeah just was randomly thinking about this in the shower (was going to post this in shower thoughts but feel like it's better here). In relationships girls are so quick to say I don't want to change you or even a lot of them say I don't want anyone to change me. Lots of girls so focused on that. I have never been one to say don't change me or not I usually would do all the changing till I get tired of it and usually make a clean exit, because that life doesn't fit me or click with me. (hope that makes sense) Then I thought maybe I should find someone who fits my life and my thoughts so I can grow as a person. And that's rough cause I'm very detailed in the way I talk and try to help and understand people. I mean I have a lot of flaws and what is detailed to me maybe sloppy to others but I digress. When a lot of the times my view on things isn't what is expected and can cause a lot of people to get upset. (either that or all the girls i date aren't very nice people lol or i'm just not a nice person....)

Example: Longtime girlfriend makes dinner with a meal I paid for. It's a meal we decided on eating together, as in we both picked it. Suddenly before it's time to eat she tells me she will be eating something else and the one meant for her she will pack away for my lunch tomorrow. I asked her why is she eating something else? She tells me because she doesn't want what we choose. I can tell by the way she says this and the change in her tone that something is wrong. At this point I'm not concerned about food really I mean I want to know the reason but I'm more worried about how she feels. I ask more questions reminding her that we choose this together and well it's fine to change your mind but what's going on? And she yells at me that she burnt the other one. I laugh cause that's nothing to be worried about. I hug her and let her know it's alright and not to worry. It doesn't matter. Then I say wow you were going to give me the burnt one without me knowing it was burnt. And I laugh again. I say well I would still eat it still laughing. Suddenly she is more upset. Like really really mad. Because she felt like I put her in a position to lie. And she was saying that isn't the person that she is. Over time it all calmed down but stuff like that kept happening. I feel like if I just play along then everything works out. I just keep pretending keep living the lie keep ignoring the fire all around us. And If i point out what happens if I said what's going on I'm the bad guy for people realizing what is being done isn't a good thing. Anyway getting side tracked again....

To me when someone says I dont' want you to change or don't try to change me it's like saying it's perfectly ok to pretend everything is fine. And you can be as stubborn as you like and so can I. Long as we just keep pretending it'll all work out. And divorce rates show it doesn't. And now the divorce rates seem lower because fewer people arent getting married lol.

Bottom line I feel it's ok to have disagreements what's important is how it's handled and that it's never held against them later well in a way that hurts. Not in a lets pretend it never happen now cause it did happen and you all need to remember that or else you're doing exactly what I'm referring to. There is an unlimited number of perspectives and possibilities when it comes to thought and feelings it's important to keep that in mind. I feel everyone needs to change for the better. The world around us will change with or without our permission and we need to be always improving too which honestly makes sense why lots of relationships die...wow just realized this while writing. Evolve or die honestly. Change will happen one way or another but it's best to steer for positive growth change. Least that's how I feel. What do you all think?

Submitted September 21, 2019 at 11:45PM

Yeah just was randomly thinking about this in the shower (was going to post this in shower thoughts but feel like it's better here). In relationships girls are so quick to say I don't want to change you or even a lot of them say I don't want anyone to change me. Lots of girls so focused on that. I have never been one to say don't change me or not I usually would do all the changing till I get tired of it and usually make a clean exit, because that life doesn't fit me or click with me. (hope that makes sense) Then I thought maybe I should find someone who fits my life and my thoughts so I can grow as a person. And that's rough cause I'm very detailed in the way I talk and try to help and understand people. I mean I have a lot of flaws and what is detailed to me maybe sloppy to others but I digress. When a lot of the times my view on things isn't what is expected and can cause a lot of people to get upset. (either that or all the girls i date aren't very nice people lol or i'm just not a nice person....)Example: Longtime girlfriend makes dinner with a meal I paid for. It's a meal we decided on eating together, as in we both picked it. Suddenly before it's time to eat she tells me she will be eating something else and the one meant for her she will pack away for my lunch tomorrow. I asked her why is she eating something else? She tells me because she doesn't want what we choose. I can tell by the way she says this and the change in her tone that something is wrong. At this point I'm not concerned about food really I mean I want to know the reason but I'm more worried about how she feels. I ask more questions reminding her that we choose this together and well it's fine to change your mind but what's going on? And she yells at me that she burnt the other one. I laugh cause that's nothing to be worried about. I hug her and let her know it's alright and not to worry. It doesn't matter. Then I say wow you were going to give me the burnt one without me knowing it was burnt. And I laugh again. I say well I would still eat it still laughing. Suddenly she is more upset. Like really really mad. Because she felt like I put her in a position to lie. And she was saying that isn't the person that she is. Over time it all calmed down but stuff like that kept happening. I feel like if I just play along then everything works out. I just keep pretending keep living the lie keep ignoring the fire all around us. And If i point out what happens if I said what's going on I'm the bad guy for people realizing what is being done isn't a good thing. Anyway getting side tracked again....To me when someone says I dont' want you to change or don't try to change me it's like saying it's perfectly ok to pretend everything is fine. And you can be as stubborn as you like and so can I. Long as we just keep pretending it'll all work out. And divorce rates show it doesn't. And now the divorce rates seem lower because fewer people arent getting married lol.Bottom line I feel it's ok to have disagreements what's important is how it's handled and that it's never held against them later well in a way that hurts. Not in a lets pretend it never happen now cause it did happen and you all need to remember that or else you're doing exactly what I'm referring to. There is an unlimited number of perspectives and possibilities when it comes to thought and feelings it's important to keep that in mind. I feel everyone needs to change for the better. The world around us will change with or without our permission and we need to be always improving too which honestly makes sense why lots of relationships die...wow just realized this while writing. Evolve or die honestly. Change will happen one way or another but it's best to steer for positive growth change. Least that's how I feel. What do you all think?