After years of unsatisfying sex, how do I get myself to enjoy sex again?

A few years ago my engagement fell apart, the relationship ended, and I found myself single again. The relationship was rather lengthy for me, and I consider it my first actual relationship. Before her (I’m a guy in my mid-20s) I had always just hooked up with random girls I didn’t really know, and enjoyed the fact I had no connection with them.

During the relationship though, I learned how fulfilling getting to know one partner and the ins and outs of their body was, and learned to absolutely love having tons of passionate sex with someone I cared about was. Though neither of us were virgins when we started dating, we had a ton of “firsts” with each other because we could be comfortable and engage our interests.

Fast forward to a few years after it ended, and though I’ve hooked up with other people, and tried dating other people, I’ve continuously run into a problem: sex just is not enjoyable at all. It doesn’t matter how attractive my partner is, if they’re super good at sex, if I want to be into them or enjoy it, I just always walk away unsatisfied.

To figure this out I’ve done some stuff I’m not quite proud of (like hooking up with 3 or more people in a single night, trying to find some relief and failing), other stuff that I hadn’t tried before (like some same sex stuff), and trying the old routine. None worked.

So my question is, after a few years of a completely unsatisfying sex life (in the past few months I’ve just given up completely on sex because why potentially hurt my partners), does anyone have a suggestion on how I can get the enjoyment back?



Submitted September 14, 2019 at 11:49PM

A few years ago my engagement fell apart, the relationship ended, and I found myself single again. The relationship was rather lengthy for me, and I consider it my first actual relationship. Before her (I’m a guy in my mid-20s) I had always just hooked up with random girls I didn’t really know, and enjoyed the fact I had no connection with them.During the relationship though, I learned how fulfilling getting to know one partner and the ins and outs of their body was, and learned to absolutely love having tons of passionate sex with someone I cared about was. Though neither of us were virgins when we started dating, we had a ton of “firsts” with each other because we could be comfortable and engage our interests.Fast forward to a few years after it ended, and though I’ve hooked up with other people, and tried dating other people, I’ve continuously run into a problem: sex just is not enjoyable at all. It doesn’t matter how attractive my partner is, if they’re super good at sex, if I want to be into them or enjoy it, I just always walk away unsatisfied.To figure this out I’ve done some stuff I’m not quite proud of (like hooking up with 3 or more people in a single night, trying to find some relief and failing), other stuff that I hadn’t tried before (like some same sex stuff), and trying the old routine. None worked.So my question is, after a few years of a completely unsatisfying sex life (in the past few months I’ve just given up completely on sex because why potentially hurt my partners), does anyone have a suggestion on how I can get the enjoyment back?
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