(23F) Am I too sensitive or is my boyfriend (25M) insensitive and defensive?

I'm struggling. There are a lot of times I feel like he is so quick to be defensive. From little things to big things, he just gets really defensive, at least I feel anyway. But also starting to question myself? Am I being too sensitive?

Today I am still wrapping up a really bad flu, had a fever and took a nap. It's tmi but I wasn't feeling well and didn't brush my teeth today. I woke up, he came to give me a kiss, and gagged at my breath and said it stunk. He was laughing and said he was kidding when I told him it bothered me that he felt the need to say that when I haven't felt well and I knew my breath wasn't the best. He got aggravated with me because he felt like I was falsely accusing him of doing anything wrong because he was just kidding. But he wasn't just kidding - my breath really did stink, I knew that, I just didn't think he needed to tell me that. So then we're arguing because he doesn't think it was wrong to say it and I feel like he was invalidating my feelings entirely. But then after like 15 minutes or so of arguing, he says he sorry for saying it. But at that point I just feel like he's saying what I think I want to hear - not that he's actually sorry for it. I just wanted to leave and had some errands so I'm going to leave and of course that's not okay with him because he didn't want me to leave. Then we talked again and I still just felt like the things I was saying were literally just going one ear to the other. Then sometimes, he just doesn't reply, acts like maybe he just didn't hear me, so I ask if he's going to say anything and he says I react too quickly and don't give him enough time to respond. But I feel like I could wait 10 minutes as long as I didn't say anything, he wouldn't either to avoid having to deal with my feelings. I guess I should just wait those 10 minutes and see what he does but I guess I'm scared to find out that he would in fact not deal with it. We've been together for a year now.

TL;DR: I don't know if I'm too sensitive or if my boyfriend is insensitive and not wanting to deal with my feelings



Submitted August 16, 2019 at 12:04AM

I'm struggling. There are a lot of times I feel like he is so quick to be defensive. From little things to big things, he just gets really defensive, at least I feel anyway. But also starting to question myself? Am I being too sensitive?Today I am still wrapping up a really bad flu, had a fever and took a nap. It's tmi but I wasn't feeling well and didn't brush my teeth today. I woke up, he came to give me a kiss, and gagged at my breath and said it stunk. He was laughing and said he was kidding when I told him it bothered me that he felt the need to say that when I haven't felt well and I knew my breath wasn't the best. He got aggravated with me because he felt like I was falsely accusing him of doing anything wrong because he was just kidding. But he wasn't just kidding - my breath really did stink, I knew that, I just didn't think he needed to tell me that. So then we're arguing because he doesn't think it was wrong to say it and I feel like he was invalidating my feelings entirely. But then after like 15 minutes or so of arguing, he says he sorry for saying it. But at that point I just feel like he's saying what I think I want to hear - not that he's actually sorry for it. I just wanted to leave and had some errands so I'm going to leave and of course that's not okay with him because he didn't want me to leave. Then we talked again and I still just felt like the things I was saying were literally just going one ear to the other. Then sometimes, he just doesn't reply, acts like maybe he just didn't hear me, so I ask if he's going to say anything and he says I react too quickly and don't give him enough time to respond. But I feel like I could wait 10 minutes as long as I didn't say anything, he wouldn't either to avoid having to deal with my feelings. I guess I should just wait those 10 minutes and see what he does but I guess I'm scared to find out that he would in fact not deal with it. We've been together for a year now.TL;DR: I don't know if I'm too sensitive or if my boyfriend is insensitive and not wanting to deal with my feelings
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