I [27/f] found some disturbing pictures on my boyfriend’s [31/m] phone. Need some unbiased advice.

I need to get this off my chest and I have no one to talk to, this is not something I can ask my friends for advice. I’m sorry if I don’t make much sense, I’m pretty nervous right now.

My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost 10 years. I don’t want to go into too much detail but I’d say our relationship is rock-solid, or that’s what I thought.

Last year we went from living in the same city to long distance. We both cried when we said goodbye but we talked and texted every day and we made plans to reunite a couple months later.

When we finally reunited everything seemed great but I noticed something was off during sex. He couldn’t keep his hands off me, he was the one to initiate, but then he couldn’t stay hard. Please don’t get me wrong, I know this is normal but it caught me off guard because in all the time we’ve been together this has never happened before so it was completely unexpected.

I didn’t give it much thought at first, but it kept happening every single time we tried having sex in all those days we spent together. I was confused and sad, I felt like I was doing something wrong or I wasn’t attractive anymore. I tried talking to him but he wouldn’t say much. I know this can be a sensitive subject for guys so I didn’t mention it again.

Just a couple days ago we moved to the same city so no more long distance. Once again everything seemed great, he was excited to see me, I was excited to see him… but then the story repeats itself. Every time we try having sex he won’t stay hard.

And this is when things get really weird. Today I asked him if I could use his phone to send some pictures to myself and he said sure. That’s how I found hentai/cartoon porn on my boyfriend’s phone. I’m ok with my boyfriend watching porn but those pictures were truly disturbing and something I never expected from him. It made me feel like I don't even know him.

I guess what really bothers me is I found those pictures on a texting app folder, which means either someone sent him those pictures or he was the one sending them. He is in a role-playing community (D&D kind of stuff) so I thought maybe they were using those pictures for their role-play in some weird way. He had received some pictures today so I looked through his recent conversations (I know that was wrong and I feel terrible for it and ashamed of myself, believe me) but I couldn’t find anything. I’m pretty sure he deleted whatever conversation those pictures came from.

This got me thinking and I’ve noticed this past few days we’ve been together that sometimes he will turn slightly around when using his phone so I don’t see who he is texting. I’ve also noticed he is paying more attention than ever before to his phone. But then again he is not secretive about his phone, he lets me use it without a problem and he is still loving and caring towards me so I don’t know what to make of all of this. I also believe those pictures and whatever is going on might be related to our bedroom problems.

I plan on talking to him about all my concerns but first I want to calm down and think this through and I’d appreciate some unbiased and logical advice. How would you approach this? Do you think I’m in the wrong here? Am I being overly paranoid?

TL;DR: I found some hentai/cartoon porn on my long-term boyfriend's phone. Someone sent him those pictures but he deleted the conversation. All of a sudden some suspicious behavior I've noticed and our bedroom problems seem to make sense. How should I approach this conversation with him?



Submitted June 30, 2019 at 12:22AM

I need to get this off my chest and I have no one to talk to, this is not something I can ask my friends for advice. I’m sorry if I don’t make much sense, I’m pretty nervous right now.My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost 10 years. I don’t want to go into too much detail but I’d say our relationship is rock-solid, or that’s what I thought.Last year we went from living in the same city to long distance. We both cried when we said goodbye but we talked and texted every day and we made plans to reunite a couple months later.When we finally reunited everything seemed great but I noticed something was off during sex. He couldn’t keep his hands off me, he was the one to initiate, but then he couldn’t stay hard. Please don’t get me wrong, I know this is normal but it caught me off guard because in all the time we’ve been together this has never happened before so it was completely unexpected.I didn’t give it much thought at first, but it kept happening every single time we tried having sex in all those days we spent together. I was confused and sad, I felt like I was doing something wrong or I wasn’t attractive anymore. I tried talking to him but he wouldn’t say much. I know this can be a sensitive subject for guys so I didn’t mention it again.Just a couple days ago we moved to the same city so no more long distance. Once again everything seemed great, he was excited to see me, I was excited to see him… but then the story repeats itself. Every time we try having sex he won’t stay hard.And this is when things get really weird. Today I asked him if I could use his phone to send some pictures to myself and he said sure. That’s how I found hentai/cartoon porn on my boyfriend’s phone. I’m ok with my boyfriend watching porn but those pictures were truly disturbing and something I never expected from him. It made me feel like I don't even know him.I guess what really bothers me is I found those pictures on a texting app folder, which means either someone sent him those pictures or he was the one sending them. He is in a role-playing community (D&D kind of stuff) so I thought maybe they were using those pictures for their role-play in some weird way. He had received some pictures today so I looked through his recent conversations (I know that was wrong and I feel terrible for it and ashamed of myself, believe me) but I couldn’t find anything. I’m pretty sure he deleted whatever conversation those pictures came from.This got me thinking and I’ve noticed this past few days we’ve been together that sometimes he will turn slightly around when using his phone so I don’t see who he is texting. I’ve also noticed he is paying more attention than ever before to his phone. But then again he is not secretive about his phone, he lets me use it without a problem and he is still loving and caring towards me so I don’t know what to make of all of this. I also believe those pictures and whatever is going on might be related to our bedroom problems.I plan on talking to him about all my concerns but first I want to calm down and think this through and I’d appreciate some unbiased and logical advice. How would you approach this? Do you think I’m in the wrong here? Am I being overly paranoid?TL;DR: I found some hentai/cartoon porn on my long-term boyfriend's phone. Someone sent him those pictures but he deleted the conversation. All of a sudden some suspicious behavior I've noticed and our bedroom problems seem to make sense. How should I approach this conversation with him?
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