I (20F) feel like my parents need to give me boundaries/wants/decisions post-grad while I'm at home, but I can't tell if it's all in my head or I actually need them to back off a bit

This is a throwaway, and the post will be long so please bear with me. I'd also like some advice from Asians/South Asians if possible because this may be cultural as well.

I graduated from well-known college near my home town about a month ago. I was a commuter student and graduated a year early, so the only time where I wasn't completely living at home was my last semester which I compromised for with some other things. It was only in the last year of college where I really started making friends and having more kickbacks, and just doing more things in general. For context, I went to my first concert back in October and was allowed to go to another state for a weekend with my friends with just us. Even then, my parents liked doing random drop-ins to my apartment or when I was walking back home from class at around 8-9 pm, which honestly annoyed me because I had specifically requested they only come when I ask them to.

I've recently moved back into my parents' house and I feel like there are two problems. First is more related to lifelong academic/career goals. I have always been someone who has been very practical in the lifelong decisions I make - I acknowledge that going to a good college, graduating early, and graduating debt-free are all amazing things, but I really regret not being able to have some more fun and time to explore non-academic interests and have more of a social life. So while my original plan was to take the LSAT, apply to law school this upcoming cycle, and then go back to school, I've been doubting if this is the route for me to take. If I get some work experience under my belt, I might have some more time to explore other interests rather than just go back to school. On the other hand, going to school may provide me the opportunity to move away from my hometown. My parents want me to do all of this all together. They want me to go with my original plan and apply to law school and then work in the year before while I wait for decisions to come in, and then want me to most likely stay in the same state if not just continue commuting from home. My parents also keep dropping hints they want me to use my savings/potential earnings to put a down payment for a house so they can rent it out and it'll basically end up with me having "income" to pay off student loans and the mortgage on the house.

The problem is I feel like I can't handle all of that and when I confront them they always say they haven't said I have to do what they say because they haven't directly told me to. I also am honestly sick and tired of not really having as much of a social circle as I'd like to because most of my friends from high school and college have moved away, and I don't really have anyone my age to really talk to. The other thing is that my mom very specifically wants me to go to law school as soon as possible so I can find a boyfriend, which is something I want to do, but it's not a primary reason for me to apply and go right now. Plus, I'm open to using dating apps once I feel a little more settled into whether I decide law school vs. work experience, but it was pretty frustrating to hear that. I'm not going to law school to become a wife, I'm going to law school to become a lawyer.

Second problem is that I've always been a great example for a goody-two shoes kid, and really the only bad thing I do is drink. My parents know I drink outside of the house and they know I drink only with people I trust and only at kickbacks. I recently went out with a group of friends from high school on a random weeknight because it was the only night where we could all meet, and I don't know when I'll next see at least two of them. We knew that we would be drinking, except I did not tell my parents, and I acknowledge that this was my fault and I should have told them. I ended up drinking 3 shots of vodka, which later my parents saw as completely unacceptable and too much to drink. I did tell them we would be out late so my mother put my sister (>18F) in charge of staying up and making sure I'm home. There was no curfew, but my father ended up texting at 3 am to know where I was. I had fallen asleep in the car because we had to drop a few people back home instead of them taking public transit, so my friend messaged my sister who told my dad I was fine. I got home at around 4:30 am.

The next morning I had a hangover and was recovering, but was still helping around the house in terms of cleaning, and worked on some stuff I had to do. Since that time however, my dad had been very passive aggressive about the fact that I did not tell them what was happening and that I was making a bad decision. My mom did not say anything. My dad also yelled at my sister for not telling him what was going on and the fact that my friend messaged my sister.

This continued for a few days until today it completely devolved into a full blown emotional discussion regarding my boundaries and decisions. I kept trying to say that I make a lot of good decisions, and even the bad ones I make are ones which I do with people I trust. My friend who was driving did not drink anything the entire night, as did another friend. We also were careful with regards to underage drinking and getting caught, which my mom says was her biggest problem, in addition to the fact that there are other dangerous drivers out there. I tried to tell them that this was my decision, albeit a bad one that I acknowledge, but it was a decision I wanted to make even after evaluating the risk. This was not the first time I had drank nor the first time I had been out this late with these specific friends who my parents know and who I have known for the past 5 years. We also talked about my idea of "fun" and I said that drinking is not my only idea of fun but it is one of them.

My parents and I then agreed to disagree that I can make all the bad decisions I want because in the end it is my life, and I need to learn to be more independent. For the independence thing I tried to say how bad decisions are a part of that and I make wise decisions for myself a lot as well. I acknowledge that while I am under their house I do need to follow their rules, and I broke a few last night, but being passive aggressive or just aggressive about the decisions I make just makes me feel really bad. Then my dad said to me in a raised voice how he sees the fact that I drink so much as a bad decision, and that he's fearful that I won't have kids, and that if I continue to drink like this then any South Asian husband will kick me out and that he's responsible for me until I get married. I snapped at this and told him that my one night of drinking does not mean that everything else I've done is negated. I didn't say this, but I also think that anyone I marry would be someone with similar values to me. My mom diffused the situation with my dad and I walked away. It basically ended at I know the decisions I make, but my parents will continue to impose themselves on me and I have to tell them stuff.

I honestly am at my wit's end and feel like I'm going crazy because I'm already dealing with self-imposed pressure on trying to figure out the next step in my career, while also trying to create the best life I can for myself. I started working out this past year, and have lost close to 16 pounds, which I'm very proud of. I have a list of books I want to read, and I want to learn new forms of dance. I just want to be able to live life. I think I'm still a good kid at home, I do house work like cleaning and I try to spend as much time as I can with my family. I care deeply about my parents, but I feel like they need to respect my boundaries and my decisions, regardless of what I do.

TLDR; just graduated, I'm figuring out life, I feel like parents aren't respecting boundaries and decisions, but I can't tell if that's actually the case, if I'm overreacting, or if its something else and I'm the bad person here

Submitted June 30, 2019 at 12:09AM

This is a throwaway, and the post will be long so please bear with me. I'd also like some advice from Asians/South Asians if possible because this may be cultural as well.I graduated from well-known college near my home town about a month ago. I was a commuter student and graduated a year early, so the only time where I wasn't completely living at home was my last semester which I compromised for with some other things. It was only in the last year of college where I really started making friends and having more kickbacks, and just doing more things in general. For context, I went to my first concert back in October and was allowed to go to another state for a weekend with my friends with just us. Even then, my parents liked doing random drop-ins to my apartment or when I was walking back home from class at around 8-9 pm, which honestly annoyed me because I had specifically requested they only come when I ask them to.I've recently moved back into my parents' house and I feel like there are two problems. First is more related to lifelong academic/career goals. I have always been someone who has been very practical in the lifelong decisions I make - I acknowledge that going to a good college, graduating early, and graduating debt-free are all amazing things, but I really regret not being able to have some more fun and time to explore non-academic interests and have more of a social life. So while my original plan was to take the LSAT, apply to law school this upcoming cycle, and then go back to school, I've been doubting if this is the route for me to take. If I get some work experience under my belt, I might have some more time to explore other interests rather than just go back to school. On the other hand, going to school may provide me the opportunity to move away from my hometown. My parents want me to do all of this all together. They want me to go with my original plan and apply to law school and then work in the year before while I wait for decisions to come in, and then want me to most likely stay in the same state if not just continue commuting from home. My parents also keep dropping hints they want me to use my savings/potential earnings to put a down payment for a house so they can rent it out and it'll basically end up with me having "income" to pay off student loans and the mortgage on the house.The problem is I feel like I can't handle all of that and when I confront them they always say they haven't said I have to do what they say because they haven't directly told me to. I also am honestly sick and tired of not really having as much of a social circle as I'd like to because most of my friends from high school and college have moved away, and I don't really have anyone my age to really talk to. The other thing is that my mom very specifically wants me to go to law school as soon as possible so I can find a boyfriend, which is something I want to do, but it's not a primary reason for me to apply and go right now. Plus, I'm open to using dating apps once I feel a little more settled into whether I decide law school vs. work experience, but it was pretty frustrating to hear that. I'm not going to law school to become a wife, I'm going to law school to become a lawyer.Second problem is that I've always been a great example for a goody-two shoes kid, and really the only bad thing I do is drink. My parents know I drink outside of the house and they know I drink only with people I trust and only at kickbacks. I recently went out with a group of friends from high school on a random weeknight because it was the only night where we could all meet, and I don't know when I'll next see at least two of them. We knew that we would be drinking, except I did not tell my parents, and I acknowledge that this was my fault and I should have told them. I ended up drinking 3 shots of vodka, which later my parents saw as completely unacceptable and too much to drink. I did tell them we would be out late so my mother put my sister (>18F) in charge of staying up and making sure I'm home. There was no curfew, but my father ended up texting at 3 am to know where I was. I had fallen asleep in the car because we had to drop a few people back home instead of them taking public transit, so my friend messaged my sister who told my dad I was fine. I got home at around 4:30 am.The next morning I had a hangover and was recovering, but was still helping around the house in terms of cleaning, and worked on some stuff I had to do. Since that time however, my dad had been very passive aggressive about the fact that I did not tell them what was happening and that I was making a bad decision. My mom did not say anything. My dad also yelled at my sister for not telling him what was going on and the fact that my friend messaged my sister.This continued for a few days until today it completely devolved into a full blown emotional discussion regarding my boundaries and decisions. I kept trying to say that I make a lot of good decisions, and even the bad ones I make are ones which I do with people I trust. My friend who was driving did not drink anything the entire night, as did another friend. We also were careful with regards to underage drinking and getting caught, which my mom says was her biggest problem, in addition to the fact that there are other dangerous drivers out there. I tried to tell them that this was my decision, albeit a bad one that I acknowledge, but it was a decision I wanted to make even after evaluating the risk. This was not the first time I had drank nor the first time I had been out this late with these specific friends who my parents know and who I have known for the past 5 years. We also talked about my idea of "fun" and I said that drinking is not my only idea of fun but it is one of them.My parents and I then agreed to disagree that I can make all the bad decisions I want because in the end it is my life, and I need to learn to be more independent. For the independence thing I tried to say how bad decisions are a part of that and I make wise decisions for myself a lot as well. I acknowledge that while I am under their house I do need to follow their rules, and I broke a few last night, but being passive aggressive or just aggressive about the decisions I make just makes me feel really bad. Then my dad said to me in a raised voice how he sees the fact that I drink so much as a bad decision, and that he's fearful that I won't have kids, and that if I continue to drink like this then any South Asian husband will kick me out and that he's responsible for me until I get married. I snapped at this and told him that my one night of drinking does not mean that everything else I've done is negated. I didn't say this, but I also think that anyone I marry would be someone with similar values to me. My mom diffused the situation with my dad and I walked away. It basically ended at I know the decisions I make, but my parents will continue to impose themselves on me and I have to tell them stuff.I honestly am at my wit's end and feel like I'm going crazy because I'm already dealing with self-imposed pressure on trying to figure out the next step in my career, while also trying to create the best life I can for myself. I started working out this past year, and have lost close to 16 pounds, which I'm very proud of. I have a list of books I want to read, and I want to learn new forms of dance. I just want to be able to live life. I think I'm still a good kid at home, I do house work like cleaning and I try to spend as much time as I can with my family. I care deeply about my parents, but I feel like they need to respect my boundaries and my decisions, regardless of what I do.TLDR; just graduated, I'm figuring out life, I feel like parents aren't respecting boundaries and decisions, but I can't tell if that's actually the case, if I'm overreacting, or if its something else and I'm the bad person here