Very sheltered and having my "awakening" at 21, I feel ashamed and gross.

So, I was home schooled and even though I'm now 21, I haven't been around people my own age since I was about 11. Full stop. As a result, I feel like I have been stunted in many ways. I have never dated or so much as held hands, let alone seen a guy naked in real life. The concept has always skeeved me out a little bit, honestly. I have watched porn and it is what it is but most of what I have ever seen is professional stuff. I started watching a show with a lot (like A LOT) of casual nudity with average men and it...awakened things in me, I swear. This has been my first time seeing "normal" flaccid male genitalia and it has made me by far the aroused I have ever been.

Frankly every time I see a penis now I wish so badly I could touch it. Sometimes I have been going to the more tame NSFW subs and just browsing for the hell of it. I'm even having intrusive thoughts of sorts now where I see men in public or big celebrities and I'm like, "they have a penis and balls...hot." It's making me feel really gross and I don't know how to handle it. The concept of hookups make me personally uncomfortable, I'd never feel safe with a stranger or I'd already be on Tinder tbh.

I don't really know how to handle this, I haven't watched the show or porn for about a week and it's like my mind is permanently tainted. I know the sidebar has a rule against asking about things being "normal" but I have literally zero basis for this since I have even less experience with sex in any capacity than the average person. Like I have never talked about it with friends or experimented or really even had a true crush since I was 11.

I guess I'm wondering if its too late to rewire my brain/regain my innocence or even if I should? Or how I can become more comfortable with all this if not?



Submitted September 19, 2021 at 12:46AM

So, I was home schooled and even though I'm now 21, I haven't been around people my own age since I was about 11. Full stop. As a result, I feel like I have been stunted in many ways. I have never dated or so much as held hands, let alone seen a guy naked in real life. The concept has always skeeved me out a little bit, honestly. I have watched porn and it is what it is but most of what I have ever seen is professional stuff. I started watching a show with a lot (like A LOT) of casual nudity with average men and it...awakened things in me, I swear. This has been my first time seeing "normal" flaccid male genitalia and it has made me by far the aroused I have ever been.Frankly every time I see a penis now I wish so badly I could touch it. Sometimes I have been going to the more tame NSFW subs and just browsing for the hell of it. I'm even having intrusive thoughts of sorts now where I see men in public or big celebrities and I'm like, "they have a penis and balls...hot." It's making me feel really gross and I don't know how to handle it. The concept of hookups make me personally uncomfortable, I'd never feel safe with a stranger or I'd already be on Tinder tbh.I don't really know how to handle this, I haven't watched the show or porn for about a week and it's like my mind is permanently tainted. I know the sidebar has a rule against asking about things being "normal" but I have literally zero basis for this since I have even less experience with sex in any capacity than the average person. Like I have never talked about it with friends or experimented or really even had a true crush since I was 11.I guess I'm wondering if its too late to rewire my brain/regain my innocence or even if I should? Or how I can become more comfortable with all this if not?
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