Sometimes my husband treats my pleasure like a chore.

When we were still new and a little less experienced with sex, he was a lot gentler and slower with foreplay. He’d cuddled me, talk to me, kiss me, and basically gave foreplay for foreplay, which I never complained about.

We do have a “routine” for sex because it’s what works, it’s what prepares me for actual penetration and before now it’s never been an issue. Normally I will orgasm through clitoral stimulation, and then we would have penetrative sex. Obviously we would change it up sometimes, but he knew if he came first, it’d be game over. He knew that wasn’t fair for me.

We also know I can orgasm through penetration. It’s not nearly as enjoyable as it is through clitoral stimulation, sometimes it takes a lot of concentration and sometimes I end up cramping afterwards, which makes sex painful or just leas enjoyable. It’s easy for him to do it through penetration, so obviously if he had to pick, he would choose to do that over what I want.

Sometimes I just know I won’t be able to orgasm the way I want. Sometimes penetration is the only way I’m getting off because if we try the other preferred way, I’ll end up going numb before I get off. If I’m tired, stressed, or whatever, it makes getting off more difficult.

Since he’s aware I can orgasm through penetration and for him it’s easier, he’s been trying to just skip to that. Skipping foreplay, skipping any pleasure for me to even get warmed up, and so on. He’ll use spit and touch me for maybe less than ten seconds before asking if he can fuck me. He knows I’m not ready, he’s aware it’ll hurt and if I mention that he sighs and says he’s sorry and mopes while doing what I prefer, the thing that literally gets me off the way I want and prepares my body for penetrative sex.

There have been times where I’ve gotten so irritated because he just wants to jam fingers in me or have penetrative sex immediately that I tell him it’s flat out selfish to be like that.

I mean, am I overreacting? Am I in the wrong? Is there something I’m not understanding? It’s not like I’m denying him any pleasure while he’s also touching me. I’ve been as understanding as I can. At this point it’s affecting our sex life and made sex something I almost like, dread. I don’t know how else to make it clear to him that foreplay is not an option. My body lubricating itself is a must, or else penetration is not happening. It will hurt me. It will make me bleed. Spit is not lube.

Submitted September 10, 2021 at 12:49AM

When we were still new and a little less experienced with sex, he was a lot gentler and slower with foreplay. He’d cuddled me, talk to me, kiss me, and basically gave foreplay for foreplay, which I never complained about.We do have a “routine” for sex because it’s what works, it’s what prepares me for actual penetration and before now it’s never been an issue. Normally I will orgasm through clitoral stimulation, and then we would have penetrative sex. Obviously we would change it up sometimes, but he knew if he came first, it’d be game over. He knew that wasn’t fair for me.We also know I can orgasm through penetration. It’s not nearly as enjoyable as it is through clitoral stimulation, sometimes it takes a lot of concentration and sometimes I end up cramping afterwards, which makes sex painful or just leas enjoyable. It’s easy for him to do it through penetration, so obviously if he had to pick, he would choose to do that over what I want.Sometimes I just know I won’t be able to orgasm the way I want. Sometimes penetration is the only way I’m getting off because if we try the other preferred way, I’ll end up going numb before I get off. If I’m tired, stressed, or whatever, it makes getting off more difficult.Since he’s aware I can orgasm through penetration and for him it’s easier, he’s been trying to just skip to that. Skipping foreplay, skipping any pleasure for me to even get warmed up, and so on. He’ll use spit and touch me for maybe less than ten seconds before asking if he can fuck me. He knows I’m not ready, he’s aware it’ll hurt and if I mention that he sighs and says he’s sorry and mopes while doing what I prefer, the thing that literally gets me off the way I want and prepares my body for penetrative sex.There have been times where I’ve gotten so irritated because he just wants to jam fingers in me or have penetrative sex immediately that I tell him it’s flat out selfish to be like that.I mean, am I overreacting? Am I in the wrong? Is there something I’m not understanding? It’s not like I’m denying him any pleasure while he’s also touching me. I’ve been as understanding as I can. At this point it’s affecting our sex life and made sex something I almost like, dread. I don’t know how else to make it clear to him that foreplay is not an option. My body lubricating itself is a must, or else penetration is not happening. It will hurt me. It will make me bleed. Spit is not lube.