Feeling Weird About My GF's Past

I [20M] have been dating my GF [20F] for a little over a year. She is the second person I have been with, but her history is a bit more extensive. Recently, I have been feeling weird about having sex with my girlfriend, and as a result, I wanted to come here and see what others' opinions might be. However, before I get started with that it is probably best for me to discuss a bit of background.

Growing up, I was taught that premarital sex is a sin and that it is something that one should wait till marriage to explore. Although I stopped practicing religion as I grew older, I sometimes feel as though sex is a taboo topic and that what I was taught when I was younger has warped my view of sex in a negative way. Part of me wishes that I had waited till marriage, but another part of me doesn't. That being said, sex feels like a complicated topic for me. I also suffer from often having intrusive thoughts where certain thoughts can come into my mind and I struggle to let them go.

Fast forward to the present. I know of my girlfriend's ex, we'll call him A, and also of someone she once had "a thing" with, well call him B, based on what friends have told me (I didn't ask they just brought it up). At the beginning of our relationship I only really knew about A first because I've seen him on social media when they were still together. At first, I struggled with the idea of having a new sexual partner, but I was able to work through it after coming to terms with the fact that we both have pasts and that I shouldn't be comparing myself to them (I'm not conventionally attractive like my girlfriend or her past partners). However, recently I saw my GF's close friends list on social media and I noticed B on the list. When I saw his name on the list part of me felt really weirded out because my GF has occasionally, but rarely, posted risque photos on her close friend's story.

This was bothering me for a couple of days before I brought it up in a bad way by asking her if "She hooked up with B." Looking back this wasn't the right question to ask as I'm definitely not entitled to her past sexual history. But by the end of the conversation, I got the vibe that she did hook up with him and I told her why I felt uncomfortable about the fact that he was on her close friend's story because of the type of content she has posted on there before. I didn't ask her to remove him, but she made the decision to do it herself anyway.

Now I'm constantly still thinking about it. And I'm constantly wondering if there are other guys on her close friend's story that she has hooked up with. Whenever we have sex or I think of sex with her, I keep getting intrusive thoughts about her having sex with A or B that turn me off. Because of that, I have been putting off having sex with her. This has caused a bit of trouble, but I've explained to her that I just don't feel like I'm in the mood but I'm completely fine with taking care of her and not needing to finish myself.

Is any of this normal? I don't know what to do, I never thought I would be in a situation where I and my partner would have had past sexual partners. These thoughts really bother me and I just feel weird. I just don't know how to cope with these thoughts constantly bombarding me.

Submitted September 10, 2021 at 12:43AM

I [20M] have been dating my GF [20F] for a little over a year. She is the second person I have been with, but her history is a bit more extensive. Recently, I have been feeling weird about having sex with my girlfriend, and as a result, I wanted to come here and see what others' opinions might be. However, before I get started with that it is probably best for me to discuss a bit of background.Growing up, I was taught that premarital sex is a sin and that it is something that one should wait till marriage to explore. Although I stopped practicing religion as I grew older, I sometimes feel as though sex is a taboo topic and that what I was taught when I was younger has warped my view of sex in a negative way. Part of me wishes that I had waited till marriage, but another part of me doesn't. That being said, sex feels like a complicated topic for me. I also suffer from often having intrusive thoughts where certain thoughts can come into my mind and I struggle to let them go.Fast forward to the present. I know of my girlfriend's ex, we'll call him A, and also of someone she once had "a thing" with, well call him B, based on what friends have told me (I didn't ask they just brought it up). At the beginning of our relationship I only really knew about A first because I've seen him on social media when they were still together. At first, I struggled with the idea of having a new sexual partner, but I was able to work through it after coming to terms with the fact that we both have pasts and that I shouldn't be comparing myself to them (I'm not conventionally attractive like my girlfriend or her past partners). However, recently I saw my GF's close friends list on social media and I noticed B on the list. When I saw his name on the list part of me felt really weirded out because my GF has occasionally, but rarely, posted risque photos on her close friend's story.This was bothering me for a couple of days before I brought it up in a bad way by asking her if "She hooked up with B." Looking back this wasn't the right question to ask as I'm definitely not entitled to her past sexual history. But by the end of the conversation, I got the vibe that she did hook up with him and I told her why I felt uncomfortable about the fact that he was on her close friend's story because of the type of content she has posted on there before. I didn't ask her to remove him, but she made the decision to do it herself anyway.Now I'm constantly still thinking about it. And I'm constantly wondering if there are other guys on her close friend's story that she has hooked up with. Whenever we have sex or I think of sex with her, I keep getting intrusive thoughts about her having sex with A or B that turn me off. Because of that, I have been putting off having sex with her. This has caused a bit of trouble, but I've explained to her that I just don't feel like I'm in the mood but I'm completely fine with taking care of her and not needing to finish myself.Is any of this normal? I don't know what to do, I never thought I would be in a situation where I and my partner would have had past sexual partners. These thoughts really bother me and I just feel weird. I just don't know how to cope with these thoughts constantly bombarding me.