Quarter-life crisis: Never been in a relationship and not sure why (24M)

(Still young, I know.) I’ve always wanted a serious relationship yet I’ve never been in one or had anyone I was seriously interested in reciprocate. I don’t have problems socializing or flirting, but I’m a bit reserved. I’ve slept with 8 different women (all ONS; I don’t tell anyone this obviously) from my senior year of HS through the first two years of college, with a few of those girls being the one to initiate so I’m pretty sure my looks aren’t the issue. I’ve come to realize sex isn’t a super high priority for me as I feel like I would enjoy it much more with an emotional connection. Most girls I’ve been interested in liked me as a friend and wanted to hang out, but were never interested romantically.

I’m in a pretty good spot in life with a good job, friends, hobbies, and goals and aspirations I’m working on. I’ve always been skinny and have recently gained some weight which I feel really good about (135lb). I do have a history of depression, anxiety, and ADHD from HS/early college but those are well controlled by medication and I don’t have any trauma/baggage. I don’t think there’s any red flags I’m giving out, nor any my male or female friends have ever mentioned.

Until recently I’ve been pretty content with my life and being single, but I have literally no idea what it’s like to have someone I love who loves me back (non-platonically) and it’s the only part of my life I feel is missing. I want someone to share all the cool things I’m doing in life with, and who will push me to grow as a person (and vice versa). I’m fairly certain I will find someone eventually, but as I approach 25 the loneliness creeps in and I ask myself if I’m just unlucky or if there’s something I’m missing I need to change or work on.

I had my first post-college date two months ago from a girl I met on Hinge, then another two dates with another girl from Hinge last month. We had a lot of fun and shared values but she ended it after that. On the date she brought up the topic of past relationships and I told her I’ve never been in one. I just found out that’s a red flag, but it is what it is. I don’t ever bring it up myself and I will always be honest if it does come up, but it’s such a frustrating catch 22. I also make it known I’m looking for something serious if that ever comes up. I will keep trying to meet girls both IRL and online (~10 conversations/week), but my social life has fallen off a cliff since college (seeing friends once every week or two). 🙃

Just for background I’m a 24 year old 5’7” East Asian man living in the southeastern US, but I don’t think my height/race matter too much and it hasn’t stopped me before. On the weekdays I usually stay home and play video games, watch movies, or DJ in my bedroom. Weekends I hit up a lot concerts and music festivals or try new things (rock climbing currently). I’ve met hundreds of people and made many friends from these. I also like snowboarding, scuba diving, motorcycle riding, and occasionally volunteering. Eventually I can add adopting hundreds of cats to that list at the rate this is going.😸

TL;DR: I’m happy and my life is good, but it’s starting to bother me that I’ve never been in a relationship and I don’t know if I’m just unlucky or something’s wrong with me.



Submitted September 04, 2021 at 12:02AM

(Still young, I know.) I’ve always wanted a serious relationship yet I’ve never been in one or had anyone I was seriously interested in reciprocate. I don’t have problems socializing or flirting, but I’m a bit reserved. I’ve slept with 8 different women (all ONS; I don’t tell anyone this obviously) from my senior year of HS through the first two years of college, with a few of those girls being the one to initiate so I’m pretty sure my looks aren’t the issue. I’ve come to realize sex isn’t a super high priority for me as I feel like I would enjoy it much more with an emotional connection. Most girls I’ve been interested in liked me as a friend and wanted to hang out, but were never interested romantically.I’m in a pretty good spot in life with a good job, friends, hobbies, and goals and aspirations I’m working on. I’ve always been skinny and have recently gained some weight which I feel really good about (135lb). I do have a history of depression, anxiety, and ADHD from HS/early college but those are well controlled by medication and I don’t have any trauma/baggage. I don’t think there’s any red flags I’m giving out, nor any my male or female friends have ever mentioned.Until recently I’ve been pretty content with my life and being single, but I have literally no idea what it’s like to have someone I love who loves me back (non-platonically) and it’s the only part of my life I feel is missing. I want someone to share all the cool things I’m doing in life with, and who will push me to grow as a person (and vice versa). I’m fairly certain I will find someone eventually, but as I approach 25 the loneliness creeps in and I ask myself if I’m just unlucky or if there’s something I’m missing I need to change or work on.I had my first post-college date two months ago from a girl I met on Hinge, then another two dates with another girl from Hinge last month. We had a lot of fun and shared values but she ended it after that. On the date she brought up the topic of past relationships and I told her I’ve never been in one. I just found out that’s a red flag, but it is what it is. I don’t ever bring it up myself and I will always be honest if it does come up, but it’s such a frustrating catch 22. I also make it known I’m looking for something serious if that ever comes up. I will keep trying to meet girls both IRL and online (~10 conversations/week), but my social life has fallen off a cliff since college (seeing friends once every week or two). 🙃Just for background I’m a 24 year old 5’7” East Asian man living in the southeastern US, but I don’t think my height/race matter too much and it hasn’t stopped me before. On the weekdays I usually stay home and play video games, watch movies, or DJ in my bedroom. Weekends I hit up a lot concerts and music festivals or try new things (rock climbing currently). I’ve met hundreds of people and made many friends from these. I also like snowboarding, scuba diving, motorcycle riding, and occasionally volunteering. Eventually I can add adopting hundreds of cats to that list at the rate this is going.😸TL;DR: I’m happy and my life is good, but it’s starting to bother me that I’ve never been in a relationship and I don’t know if I’m just unlucky or something’s wrong with me.
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