How do you stop preferring guys who are out of your league?

I’m 26 and I must have swiped on thousands of dating profiles. I’ve dated at least 20 guys and kissed at least 10. I’m usually disappointed because I just don’t feel the “spark”. The thing is, my chances of being with the one I really want are next to none.

The “one” whom I’ve never even met in person is this 38-year old guy whom I matched with on Tinder when I was in my senior year of college. I’ve liked people since him, but every time I realize there’s no chance with them, I go back to thinking about this guy. Deep down, I knew that he wouldn’t take me seriously, but I couldn’t help but him in the #1 spot.

When we connected, he wasn’t even living in my area (he’s in the NYC area and I was in upstate NY). I was indifferent to him at first, but after he gave me his phone number and we FaceTimed, I was interested. It also didn’t help that he texted me “good morning” for a month. He was out of my league (a tall and handsome, 34-year old successful consultant) and I didn’t think I was his type (he followed mostly blonde runway models on IG and I’m a 5’6” Korean American woman), but I think we talked because we did share commonalities (both bookworms, ambitious, Catholic, conservatives, went to the same Ivy League, both left handed, etc).

Things went south after I took a job offer in DC over another in NY. He had said that I could live with him rent-free after I graduated since he’s on business trips for half of every month anyway (I didn’t know if he was trolling me or not). I think that maybe he was interested because I was 12 years younger than him (he seemed to prefer younger) and was a virgin (we’re both Catholic and seemed to like new things, as evidenced by the newly built condo he’d just bought). He was very interested in the photos I took of campus and he also sent me photos of when he was overseas for work. He’d also wanted to meet up for food in NYC (I said I was busy studying), and then sent me nudes when I said I was too busy to go down to NYC. I told him that he looked amazing but didn’t want to sext, and then our conversation fizzled out.

Even after 3 years of not talking to him, I still swoon every time I see a photo of this guy, especially when he’s wearing a suit and tie. I recently googled him and he’s now a partner at his company and probably in the top 1% of all income earners, so he’s obviously married to his job. He’s still unmarried and on the dating sites. On social media two years ago, someone posted a photo of him with a woman his age (most likely his girlfriend) and she wasn’t as gorgeous as I thought she would be. She seemed really sweet but was relatively average. Sometimes I can’t help but wonder if he’s relatively average-looking as well, but I just think he’s gorgeous.

I can’t help but feel like I missed a huge opportunity because I’m rarely ever crazy about someone. I live 45 minutes away from the NY metro area now and sometimes think about reaching out to him, but it seems silly/creepy at this point. He’s also successful and my career has been pretty underwhelming so far. How do you stop feeling infatuated with people who are way out of your league?

Submitted July 25, 2021 at 11:16PM

I’m 26 and I must have swiped on thousands of dating profiles. I’ve dated at least 20 guys and kissed at least 10. I’m usually disappointed because I just don’t feel the “spark”. The thing is, my chances of being with the one I really want are next to none.The “one” whom I’ve never even met in person is this 38-year old guy whom I matched with on Tinder when I was in my senior year of college. I’ve liked people since him, but every time I realize there’s no chance with them, I go back to thinking about this guy. Deep down, I knew that he wouldn’t take me seriously, but I couldn’t help but him in the #1 spot.When we connected, he wasn’t even living in my area (he’s in the NYC area and I was in upstate NY). I was indifferent to him at first, but after he gave me his phone number and we FaceTimed, I was interested. It also didn’t help that he texted me “good morning” for a month. He was out of my league (a tall and handsome, 34-year old successful consultant) and I didn’t think I was his type (he followed mostly blonde runway models on IG and I’m a 5’6” Korean American woman), but I think we talked because we did share commonalities (both bookworms, ambitious, Catholic, conservatives, went to the same Ivy League, both left handed, etc).Things went south after I took a job offer in DC over another in NY. He had said that I could live with him rent-free after I graduated since he’s on business trips for half of every month anyway (I didn’t know if he was trolling me or not). I think that maybe he was interested because I was 12 years younger than him (he seemed to prefer younger) and was a virgin (we’re both Catholic and seemed to like new things, as evidenced by the newly built condo he’d just bought). He was very interested in the photos I took of campus and he also sent me photos of when he was overseas for work. He’d also wanted to meet up for food in NYC (I said I was busy studying), and then sent me nudes when I said I was too busy to go down to NYC. I told him that he looked amazing but didn’t want to sext, and then our conversation fizzled out.Even after 3 years of not talking to him, I still swoon every time I see a photo of this guy, especially when he’s wearing a suit and tie. I recently googled him and he’s now a partner at his company and probably in the top 1% of all income earners, so he’s obviously married to his job. He’s still unmarried and on the dating sites. On social media two years ago, someone posted a photo of him with a woman his age (most likely his girlfriend) and she wasn’t as gorgeous as I thought she would be. She seemed really sweet but was relatively average. Sometimes I can’t help but wonder if he’s relatively average-looking as well, but I just think he’s gorgeous.I can’t help but feel like I missed a huge opportunity because I’m rarely ever crazy about someone. I live 45 minutes away from the NY metro area now and sometimes think about reaching out to him, but it seems silly/creepy at this point. He’s also successful and my career has been pretty underwhelming so far. How do you stop feeling infatuated with people who are way out of your league?