I have a horrible abusive fetish

Since my therapist refuse to talk about it I have to do it here. My therapist say that the subject is too horrible for her and that she don't want to hear about it anymore. So, a little trigger warning. Please don't remove this post because my therapist don't want to help me with it. Oh and please read all.

First of all, I don't get turned on by real humans at all. Only cartoon characters turn me on but only characters who don't look too human like. Anime is too realistic and don't do it for me. I mean characters with big cartoon eyes, tall skinny bodies and stuff like that. That isn't the problem.... The problem is that I get turned on by characters who treat other characters like trash. Who kill, cut open other characters brains, cut out their eyes, take out their organs and are abusive to them. I get off to pictures of the character taking out brains, eyes and stuff. The thing is that I can only get off to it if it's a abusive relationship. If they just do it to a random victim then I don't care. For example a character was lonely, meet the evil character and then get horribly abused by him and get their brain taken out. I draw drawings of them getting beaten up or where the killed cum on their brain and it's a huge fetish.

I feel so horrible for this but it's the only thing I can get off to and it's also the only thing that turn me on. All I can say is that I have a trauma from my childhood. My father always hit me with a belt, insulted me and then left me forever when I was 8 years old. I also got bullied my whole school life. Don't say that it will go away soon because I'm already 20 years old and my fetish is getting even worse...

Submitted June 27, 2021 at 11:59PM

Since my therapist refuse to talk about it I have to do it here. My therapist say that the subject is too horrible for her and that she don't want to hear about it anymore. So, a little trigger warning. Please don't remove this post because my therapist don't want to help me with it. Oh and please read all.First of all, I don't get turned on by real humans at all. Only cartoon characters turn me on but only characters who don't look too human like. Anime is too realistic and don't do it for me. I mean characters with big cartoon eyes, tall skinny bodies and stuff like that. That isn't the problem.... The problem is that I get turned on by characters who treat other characters like trash. Who kill, cut open other characters brains, cut out their eyes, take out their organs and are abusive to them. I get off to pictures of the character taking out brains, eyes and stuff. The thing is that I can only get off to it if it's a abusive relationship. If they just do it to a random victim then I don't care. For example a character was lonely, meet the evil character and then get horribly abused by him and get their brain taken out. I draw drawings of them getting beaten up or where the killed cum on their brain and it's a huge fetish.I feel so horrible for this but it's the only thing I can get off to and it's also the only thing that turn me on. All I can say is that I have a trauma from my childhood. My father always hit me with a belt, insulted me and then left me forever when I was 8 years old. I also got bullied my whole school life. Don't say that it will go away soon because I'm already 20 years old and my fetish is getting even worse...