I have to choose between two types of relationship, and can't tell if my feelings are legit or immature

I typed out a whole post but it was longer and more excruciating than watching a 10 hour loop of the last season of Game of Thrones so I'll try and keep it short, however bear with me if you're into weird sexual dynamics...

Basically I (F24) have never been into classic monogamous relationships, I've tried, failed, put myself in therapy and am staying away from them until I know any better. So I haven't had any action in months, which my lady parts are beginning to notice, which is not completely beside the point, as you'll see.

So, after a long abstinent winter, nature is awaking, as I can tell as everything I'm about to write has gone down in the span of a week.

Firstly, a guy my age who we'll call K. and who I have a friendly and casually sexual bond has brought it to my attention that he wants a serious monogamous relationship with me, and his actions have already shown to me that he is quite serious about it.

As it so happens, I'd been idly crushing on a man called B. for a while, and it seemed he was getting flirty with me but it was strange because not only is B. twice my age, partnered, and with kids, but I know his whole family, get along well with his partner, and his kids adore me.

However it began to seem less impossible as I was hanging out with him one fine evening and moaning in his ear between two kisses as he stroked my thigh and got dangerously close to my cobwebbed, boarded up vagene. Now as horny as I was, it didn't go further, and i decided we should talk about it, and he told me that his partner was fine with it and even encouraged it, and then we went to sleep with no further funny business. After giving it some thought, I remembered a conversation I'd had with her the week before where she started telling me out of nowhere that she didn't believe in eternal faithfulness within a couple and would be fine with him seeing other people, which at the time made me think, weird flex but ok - I'd definitely take it as a valuable piece of information

So even if it does seem like it would be ok (pending confirmation from both of them, which is my condition to go further), it makes me feel weird to prefer the idea of a much freer relationship with B., involving his partner and bearing in mind that I am already close to his family including his kids, which is kind of the ideal situation to be in for me, rather than someone who I'm pretty sure loves me but would tend not to accept my seeing other people.

(I have made it clear to both K. and B. that exclusive relationships aren't really my thing)

Also I'm using a throwaway for this

TL;DR Has society completely formatted my brain to its expectations of relationships against my deeper desires, or am I just an immature fuckboi

Submitted April 20, 2021 at 12:16AM

I typed out a whole post but it was longer and more excruciating than watching a 10 hour loop of the last season of Game of Thrones so I'll try and keep it short, however bear with me if you're into weird sexual dynamics...Basically I (F24) have never been into classic monogamous relationships, I've tried, failed, put myself in therapy and am staying away from them until I know any better. So I haven't had any action in months, which my lady parts are beginning to notice, which is not completely beside the point, as you'll see.So, after a long abstinent winter, nature is awaking, as I can tell as everything I'm about to write has gone down in the span of a week.Firstly, a guy my age who we'll call K. and who I have a friendly and casually sexual bond has brought it to my attention that he wants a serious monogamous relationship with me, and his actions have already shown to me that he is quite serious about it.As it so happens, I'd been idly crushing on a man called B. for a while, and it seemed he was getting flirty with me but it was strange because not only is B. twice my age, partnered, and with kids, but I know his whole family, get along well with his partner, and his kids adore me.However it began to seem less impossible as I was hanging out with him one fine evening and moaning in his ear between two kisses as he stroked my thigh and got dangerously close to my cobwebbed, boarded up vagene. Now as horny as I was, it didn't go further, and i decided we should talk about it, and he told me that his partner was fine with it and even encouraged it, and then we went to sleep with no further funny business. After giving it some thought, I remembered a conversation I'd had with her the week before where she started telling me out of nowhere that she didn't believe in eternal faithfulness within a couple and would be fine with him seeing other people, which at the time made me think, weird flex but ok - I'd definitely take it as a valuable piece of informationSo even if it does seem like it would be ok (pending confirmation from both of them, which is my condition to go further), it makes me feel weird to prefer the idea of a much freer relationship with B., involving his partner and bearing in mind that I am already close to his family including his kids, which is kind of the ideal situation to be in for me, rather than someone who I'm pretty sure loves me but would tend not to accept my seeing other people.(I have made it clear to both K. and B. that exclusive relationships aren't really my thing)Also I'm using a throwaway for thisTL;DR Has society completely formatted my brain to its expectations of relationships against my deeper desires, or am I just an immature fuckboi