/u/social_chrysalis on I'm in a new relationship, after 7 years of being single... I thought I just wasn't that interested in sex and finding a partner. Now I am not sure if it's something more than that.

Where asexuality and low libido cross is pretty confusing.

A person can be ace but be sex positive and have a high libido. They may along great with allosexual partners b/c they like and enjoy sex.

Whereas a person may be allosexual but have a low libido and not get along great with another allosexual partner b/c of the mismatch of libido.

I do think being asexual and not liking or wanting sex is very common. People here like to point out that it's not the definition of asexuality. But it is a concomitant factor for a lot of asexuals.

So you may not be able to split the hair completely accurately between whether your relationship might suffer from you being asexual, or might suffer from you having a low libido.

I would recommend telling her exactly this. That you are really comfortable and happy not having sex for long periods of time. You feel aesthetic and romantic attraction to her (if you do) but are not sure if you experience sexual attraction. And you are not sure what role you want sex to play in your relationship, as you definitely have a low libido regardelss of the sexuality thing. And then ask her to please tell you how she feels. You guys talk it out. From what I understand, communicating and understanding each other is key to figuring out if it will work.





December 26, 2020 at 11:39PM
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