When is it considered a Fear of Commitment?

In my view, there should be a dating phase before two people decide to become exclusive. That is, both people are still actively dating others.

The last five or so women (between 31-39) I've (34M) dated have asked after three dates or so whether they see us going anywhere. That seems too soon, IMO. When talking it through, they mention that they don't like dating someone without a purpose. Of course, when they mention that, we both part ways, as it's a big incompatibility. Some have mentioned that I have commitment issues, but I feel like they were just trying to be exclusive too soon.

Personally, I want my next relationship to be my last. So I have to make sure there's full compatibility. And you can't make sure within a few dates. I would think that the best approach to dating is to casually date other people and to come to the conclusion that things click very well with one in particular. Ideally, both would come to that same conclusion around the same time.

Is a fear of commiting to the wrong person the same as a fear of commitment? I can see how waiting for a year or longer wothout becoming exclusive would raise questions, but less than a month of dating?



Submitted September 16, 2020 at 11:52PM

In my view, there should be a dating phase before two people decide to become exclusive. That is, both people are still actively dating others.The last five or so women (between 31-39) I've (34M) dated have asked after three dates or so whether they see us going anywhere. That seems too soon, IMO. When talking it through, they mention that they don't like dating someone without a purpose. Of course, when they mention that, we both part ways, as it's a big incompatibility. Some have mentioned that I have commitment issues, but I feel like they were just trying to be exclusive too soon.Personally, I want my next relationship to be my last. So I have to make sure there's full compatibility. And you can't make sure within a few dates. I would think that the best approach to dating is to casually date other people and to come to the conclusion that things click very well with one in particular. Ideally, both would come to that same conclusion around the same time.Is a fear of commiting to the wrong person the same as a fear of commitment? I can see how waiting for a year or longer wothout becoming exclusive would raise questions, but less than a month of dating?
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