Getting Through the "Friendzoned" Process

31M. I got out of a 3.5 year relationship 2 months ago. No hard feelings, it was the right thing to do.
So I've known a friend for close to 10 years now (same age). We met through mutual friends and I always found her physically attractive. We've always been acquaintances, hanging out in our group of friends a few times a year (we've always lived a few hours apart).

In the past 5ish years, we became closer friends. We'd meet up for a meal if I was passing through her area, just to catch up. We would regularly keep in contact (texts, memes, snaps, etc.). At this point, I didn't pursue anything else because of the distance, and I eventually started dating my ex.

In the past year or so, we've started talking more and I started to learn more about her. I noticed that we share the same views/opinions on issues, have similar interests, share the same humour and long term goals. My interest for her quickly built up as my past relationship started to fail. I could not do anything because I was not available...until now. I did some minor flirting here and there, but I'm pretty rusty at it lol.

Recently I planned a day together where we went biking, explored some new areas, had drinks and dinner, as friends. She took off a day off work to do this. During our bike ride, we had a long break where we just talked. At this point, I asked if she ever thought of us dating. Her response was that she always saw me as a friend, and that she prefers not to date within friend groups. She understood my reasoning and things were okay. We continued on with our day to drinks and dinner and things were normal.

Now the issue is I expected this answer and I felt like I dug myself a hole years ago. I'm beating my self over it, and wonder if the answer would've been any different based on my actions recently. We've semi kept things normal so far but its been me thats holding back a bit. I feel like I'm in my teens/college years again where I've been through this many times..but now I'm in my 30s and its the same thing, except I've matured and have no hard feelings against her.

Just wondering if anyone has gone through this recently and how to cope with it.

Submitted September 11, 2020 at 10:26PM

31M. I got out of a 3.5 year relationship 2 months ago. No hard feelings, it was the right thing to do.So I've known a friend for close to 10 years now (same age). We met through mutual friends and I always found her physically attractive. We've always been acquaintances, hanging out in our group of friends a few times a year (we've always lived a few hours apart).In the past 5ish years, we became closer friends. We'd meet up for a meal if I was passing through her area, just to catch up. We would regularly keep in contact (texts, memes, snaps, etc.). At this point, I didn't pursue anything else because of the distance, and I eventually started dating my ex.In the past year or so, we've started talking more and I started to learn more about her. I noticed that we share the same views/opinions on issues, have similar interests, share the same humour and long term goals. My interest for her quickly built up as my past relationship started to fail. I could not do anything because I was not available...until now. I did some minor flirting here and there, but I'm pretty rusty at it lol.Recently I planned a day together where we went biking, explored some new areas, had drinks and dinner, as friends. She took off a day off work to do this. During our bike ride, we had a long break where we just talked. At this point, I asked if she ever thought of us dating. Her response was that she always saw me as a friend, and that she prefers not to date within friend groups. She understood my reasoning and things were okay. We continued on with our day to drinks and dinner and things were normal.Now the issue is I expected this answer and I felt like I dug myself a hole years ago. I'm beating my self over it, and wonder if the answer would've been any different based on my actions recently. We've semi kept things normal so far but its been me thats holding back a bit. I feel like I'm in my teens/college years again where I've been through this many times..but now I'm in my 30s and its the same thing, except I've matured and have no hard feelings against her.Just wondering if anyone has gone through this recently and how to cope with it.