How important is sticking to the, "unwritten rules of dating" for you?

I'm dating (as opposed to hookups, rebounding, etc) for the first time in years, and am quickly realizing how utterly clueless I am. (41F if that matters).

I've actually never really dated before. My ex and I were friends before we got together, so we skipped that step (almost 20 years ago) and my only prior experience w/online apps was immediately after the relationship and they were hookups, FWB, and one hookup that morphed into a rebound relationship. It's taken time away from all that, healing and therapy and I'm ready for actual healthy connection again, but....I'm finding there are a whole lot of rules (either new to the culture or that I never learned).

Honestly, they all seem pretty illogical to me. Why would I wait 3 days to text someone if I already know I want to see them again? Or wait X number of days to meet in person if I want to see if there's actually a connection? Or hide my level of attraction? Etc, etc.

My reasons for not wanting to play games is that: 1. I'm either authentic or horribly awkward, there is no between with me, it's just my personality- so I tend to choose authentic. And 2. I find the reasons behind them stupid (apologies if this is at all offensive). I don't say what I think because I desperately need someone in my life, I just would rather not waste 3 more days to find out an answer I can get today.

That being said- I am often thrown by unfamiliar cultural norms because of how I grew up. So, if this is just one of those times I need to learn the rules or risk portraying the opposite of my intentions, I'd like to know.

So- daters over 30: How important are these unwritten rules to you?

And, for bonus points (lol) can you tell me what ones, in specific, are very important to you/that you pay close attention to?



Submitted July 24, 2020 at 11:41PM

I'm dating (as opposed to hookups, rebounding, etc) for the first time in years, and am quickly realizing how utterly clueless I am. (41F if that matters).I've actually never really dated before. My ex and I were friends before we got together, so we skipped that step (almost 20 years ago) and my only prior experience w/online apps was immediately after the relationship and they were hookups, FWB, and one hookup that morphed into a rebound relationship. It's taken time away from all that, healing and therapy and I'm ready for actual healthy connection again, but....I'm finding there are a whole lot of rules (either new to the culture or that I never learned).Honestly, they all seem pretty illogical to me. Why would I wait 3 days to text someone if I already know I want to see them again? Or wait X number of days to meet in person if I want to see if there's actually a connection? Or hide my level of attraction? Etc, etc.My reasons for not wanting to play games is that: 1. I'm either authentic or horribly awkward, there is no between with me, it's just my personality- so I tend to choose authentic. And 2. I find the reasons behind them stupid (apologies if this is at all offensive). I don't say what I think because I desperately need someone in my life, I just would rather not waste 3 more days to find out an answer I can get today.That being said- I am often thrown by unfamiliar cultural norms because of how I grew up. So, if this is just one of those times I need to learn the rules or risk portraying the opposite of my intentions, I'd like to know.So- daters over 30: How important are these unwritten rules to you?And, for bonus points (lol) can you tell me what ones, in specific, are very important to you/that you pay close attention to?
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