My (F56) daughters (F23) ex boyfriend (M23) reached out to me and I can’t stop thinking about it ..

So will try to keep this somewhat brief , as I retrying this as my laptop froze lol.

Will call my daughter A and her ex B.

They met when they were about 15, and dated from 16-19 the typical high school sweethearts story. Just stopped dating due to being evidently very different people and lives moving in different directions - the usual.

Over the years with my older daughter , I have had the experience of meeting the boyfriend before, they were always the same kettle of fish; very polite , courteous young men - which was great as they treated my daughter well. None of them ever really stood out in that sense and almost merged into one figure in my mind, nothing too crazy but not a surprise she is not dating any of them now.

Then B came along like a breath of fresh air. He was still very polite and courteous, but extremely confident (not cocky), unbelievably charismatic and incredibly driven. So he was the topic of conversation between myself and my husband a few nights after a drink or 2 when everyone had gone to bed trying just to figure him out.

We could never quite put our finger on what it was about him , but he was just a people’s person under it all and got on very well with our family and was always a delight to have over and at family events - a good injection of character that was always needed at them. My husband has been an entrepreneur his entire life and always joked (in a way) with our daughter saying she should hold onto him as he is going to places.

But of course the heartbreak came and along with it the devastation. Took A a while but she started getting over him and back out into the world - we had a nice little his loss type thing going on and carried on with it.

And it did carry on, right up until we met her new boyfriend who she is dating at the minute. Now again , she seems happy and he seems like a lovely Young man , but the same spark of B isn’t there. I almost feel like my husband has to force conversation instead of playfully battling as he did with B. It was never addressed as such but my husband passed a comment or 2 to me about it - but as long as A was happy we didn’t mind.

However we kept tabs on B on social media. He started a software company back around when they broke up at it seems to be going from strength to strength , he keeps his social media followers small and to only people he knows as he uses it more as a diary etc , but he’s off on holidays , speaking at conferences , everything - living the life by the looks of things.

But he was never really mentioned , except by my husband that his company is hiring again or my other daughter who has seen him out in his car one or twice (dream car was always a mustang for him - guess what he’s driving lol). But it was all just small talk.

Up until recently.

He reached out to me directly for a recipe. It was always a private joke that a meal I made was the best he’s ever had - and if he ever had to choose a meal on death row it would be this meal. I always brushed it off as him being a charmer etc but when he reached out maybe 3 years later for it I guessed he meant it.

I thought it would be no harm in calling him to catch-up , as he as a big part of our families life for a long time and everyone did really value him.

We spoke for maybe 15 minutes , during which time he asked for my entire family and how they were keeping - extended family included, how my husbands business is dealing with the lockdown etc etc just good genuine conversation that wasn’t forced.

Sent on the recipe to him and he was extremely thankful.

That evening my daughters current boyfriend came over , and it was just back to normal dreary forced conversation , and in the back of my mind I couldn’t help but thinking perhaps I was wrong.

Maybe it wasn’t Bs loss for missing out on dating my daughter , but my daughters loss for missing out on dating B.

She seems happy enough in the current relationship so I am not getting involved at all but just wondering has anyone else ever dealt with something like this before ? Is there any point addressing it or do I just push it away ?

TLDR: daughters ex was an amazing guy. Current boyfriend is nice. How can I let her be happy now ?

Submitted May 04, 2020 at 12:07AM

So will try to keep this somewhat brief , as I retrying this as my laptop froze lol.Will call my daughter A and her ex B.They met when they were about 15, and dated from 16-19 the typical high school sweethearts story. Just stopped dating due to being evidently very different people and lives moving in different directions - the usual.Over the years with my older daughter , I have had the experience of meeting the boyfriend before, they were always the same kettle of fish; very polite , courteous young men - which was great as they treated my daughter well. None of them ever really stood out in that sense and almost merged into one figure in my mind, nothing too crazy but not a surprise she is not dating any of them now.Then B came along like a breath of fresh air. He was still very polite and courteous, but extremely confident (not cocky), unbelievably charismatic and incredibly driven. So he was the topic of conversation between myself and my husband a few nights after a drink or 2 when everyone had gone to bed trying just to figure him out.We could never quite put our finger on what it was about him , but he was just a people’s person under it all and got on very well with our family and was always a delight to have over and at family events - a good injection of character that was always needed at them. My husband has been an entrepreneur his entire life and always joked (in a way) with our daughter saying she should hold onto him as he is going to places.But of course the heartbreak came and along with it the devastation. Took A a while but she started getting over him and back out into the world - we had a nice little his loss type thing going on and carried on with it.And it did carry on, right up until we met her new boyfriend who she is dating at the minute. Now again , she seems happy and he seems like a lovely Young man , but the same spark of B isn’t there. I almost feel like my husband has to force conversation instead of playfully battling as he did with B. It was never addressed as such but my husband passed a comment or 2 to me about it - but as long as A was happy we didn’t mind.However we kept tabs on B on social media. He started a software company back around when they broke up at it seems to be going from strength to strength , he keeps his social media followers small and to only people he knows as he uses it more as a diary etc , but he’s off on holidays , speaking at conferences , everything - living the life by the looks of things.But he was never really mentioned , except by my husband that his company is hiring again or my other daughter who has seen him out in his car one or twice (dream car was always a mustang for him - guess what he’s driving lol). But it was all just small talk.Up until recently.He reached out to me directly for a recipe. It was always a private joke that a meal I made was the best he’s ever had - and if he ever had to choose a meal on death row it would be this meal. I always brushed it off as him being a charmer etc but when he reached out maybe 3 years later for it I guessed he meant it.I thought it would be no harm in calling him to catch-up , as he as a big part of our families life for a long time and everyone did really value him.We spoke for maybe 15 minutes , during which time he asked for my entire family and how they were keeping - extended family included, how my husbands business is dealing with the lockdown etc etc just good genuine conversation that wasn’t forced.Sent on the recipe to him and he was extremely thankful.That evening my daughters current boyfriend came over , and it was just back to normal dreary forced conversation , and in the back of my mind I couldn’t help but thinking perhaps I was wrong.Maybe it wasn’t Bs loss for missing out on dating my daughter , but my daughters loss for missing out on dating B.She seems happy enough in the current relationship so I am not getting involved at all but just wondering has anyone else ever dealt with something like this before ? Is there any point addressing it or do I just push it away ?TLDR: daughters ex was an amazing guy. Current boyfriend is nice. How can I let her be happy now ?