How do I deal with "sex is taboo" in a healthy sex life?

So, me (21m) and my partner (19f) met in university, started dating at the end of her first (my third) year. I was her first for pretty much everything. First kiss, first sexual experience, pretty much anything relationship oriented I was she first. Its not that she was naive or had no clue what was going on, she just wanted to wait for someone special to do it with. She blossomed throughout the relationship into a sexually mindful and healthy person, open to trying new things and knowing where her boundaries were. We had sex the first time around 6 months in, it's been great since then (1 year and 2 months total relationship).

I found out today that she has felt, almost every time to some degree when we've had sex or engaged in any sexual activity, that us engaging in sex is morally wrong, that her wanting sex is taboo in some way. Keep in mind, we have a toy that we use and I ordered some rather kinky sex items online that she was 110% into, she has some wild kinks that mesh well with mine, so this came out of the blue.

Background: she wasn't raised in a hardcore religious household, she was baptized, first communion, etc... but never vibed with it. She wrote racy fanfic as a teenager, fantasized a little, typical teenager stuff. This year (2nd year uni) she lived with 2 housemates, and said that trying to be quiet when having sex and they're in the living area (all 3 bedroom doors enter there) felt more like we were trying to keep a secret (I felt like it was more just common courtesy to her housemates). I guess it's the same deal in my house too (2 housemates + me as well). Shes got an undiagnosed anxiety disorder (I know it's anxiety but idk what the correct diagnosis and treatment is, that's a whole other story.)

We've agreed that more sex isn't going to help fix the problem, have any of you guys dealt with this type of mental roadblock? Any way to help move past the "taboo" aspect and into acceptance?

TLDR: Partner feels like sex is taboo but we have a really great sex life, she enjoys sex but can't get past the feeling. Any advice on working past it?



Submitted May 03, 2020 at 12:08AM

So, me (21m) and my partner (19f) met in university, started dating at the end of her first (my third) year. I was her first for pretty much everything. First kiss, first sexual experience, pretty much anything relationship oriented I was she first. Its not that she was naive or had no clue what was going on, she just wanted to wait for someone special to do it with. She blossomed throughout the relationship into a sexually mindful and healthy person, open to trying new things and knowing where her boundaries were. We had sex the first time around 6 months in, it's been great since then (1 year and 2 months total relationship).I found out today that she has felt, almost every time to some degree when we've had sex or engaged in any sexual activity, that us engaging in sex is morally wrong, that her wanting sex is taboo in some way. Keep in mind, we have a toy that we use and I ordered some rather kinky sex items online that she was 110% into, she has some wild kinks that mesh well with mine, so this came out of the blue.Background: she wasn't raised in a hardcore religious household, she was baptized, first communion, etc... but never vibed with it. She wrote racy fanfic as a teenager, fantasized a little, typical teenager stuff. This year (2nd year uni) she lived with 2 housemates, and said that trying to be quiet when having sex and they're in the living area (all 3 bedroom doors enter there) felt more like we were trying to keep a secret (I felt like it was more just common courtesy to her housemates). I guess it's the same deal in my house too (2 housemates + me as well). Shes got an undiagnosed anxiety disorder (I know it's anxiety but idk what the correct diagnosis and treatment is, that's a whole other story.)We've agreed that more sex isn't going to help fix the problem, have any of you guys dealt with this type of mental roadblock? Any way to help move past the "taboo" aspect and into acceptance?TLDR: Partner feels like sex is taboo but we have a really great sex life, she enjoys sex but can't get past the feeling. Any advice on working past it?
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