Finding what You Want in Dating

A friend of mine recently got out of a month and a half situationship and was once more upset that men don't seem to want to make her a girlfriend. This was her second experience like this, so another friend shared an analogy with her that I think is really useful when we think about what we want out of dating:

"I think of hanging out with a guy, flirting, going on dates without calling it dating or anything formal--all of that is ice cream. Being someone's girlfriend, or dating exclusively, or having a formal tag is a burrito. Eating ice cream does not ever magically turn into a burrito.

Eating ice cream is eating ice cream, and if you aren't sure if you want ice cream or a burrito, turn down both until you know what you want. Unless, of course, you are genuinely happy to get a random mix of both that will statistically likely be 99% ice cream).

If you realize you want ice cream, and then realize you want a burrito, say so. But don't except Ben and Jerry's to make you a burrito because even awesome ice cream places rarely make burritos."

I loved this and thought it might be helpful for a few others of you out there stuck in situationships. Knowing what you want is important, and as soon as you know, it's important to share those feelings and behave in accordance with them! We can't blame those who wanted something casual for not being attentive to the people who've decided they want more. We're all in control of how we respond to our feelings and the people we choose to get involved with, so I think this analogy helps those of us stuck in these "situationships" to remember our own agency and place ourselves back in the center of our dating experiences.

Submitted May 14, 2020 at 12:11AM

A friend of mine recently got out of a month and a half situationship and was once more upset that men don't seem to want to make her a girlfriend. This was her second experience like this, so another friend shared an analogy with her that I think is really useful when we think about what we want out of dating:"I think of hanging out with a guy, flirting, going on dates without calling it dating or anything formal--all of that is ice cream. Being someone's girlfriend, or dating exclusively, or having a formal tag is a burrito. Eating ice cream does not ever magically turn into a burrito.Eating ice cream is eating ice cream, and if you aren't sure if you want ice cream or a burrito, turn down both until you know what you want. Unless, of course, you are genuinely happy to get a random mix of both that will statistically likely be 99% ice cream).If you realize you want ice cream, and then realize you want a burrito, say so. But don't except Ben and Jerry's to make you a burrito because even awesome ice cream places rarely make burritos."I loved this and thought it might be helpful for a few others of you out there stuck in situationships. Knowing what you want is important, and as soon as you know, it's important to share those feelings and behave in accordance with them! We can't blame those who wanted something casual for not being attentive to the people who've decided they want more. We're all in control of how we respond to our feelings and the people we choose to get involved with, so I think this analogy helps those of us stuck in these "situationships" to remember our own agency and place ourselves back in the center of our dating experiences.