I [18F] feel like my relationship with my [21M] bf is dying

So for some background:

1. I am an over-thinker with bursts of high functioning anxiety and depression
2. This is my first relationship and it's my bf's first relationship also
3. We've been together for 8 months
4. My bf is a very sweet and caring guy but he suffers from depersonalisation

​

I met my current bf on Tinder and we clicked so well, we had so much chemistry on our first date with lots in common and very similar values and beliefs. He was a bit lost in life at the time and I helped him to the best of my ability to get back on track which he has. In the beginning, my bf was very affectionate and we both fell in love with each other, I still love him dearly to this day. He was very attentive and invested in our relationship up until 5 months in.

6 months in, we stopped going on dates at the weekend and would typically visit each other at home, taking turns as both of us live with our parents relatively close-by. We would only go out when I suggested to and I slowly started feeling taken for granted, suffocated, unloved and just downright unappreciated. I would also instigate arguments over small things and essentially take my stress out on him subconsciously from college.

Around a month ago we had a particularly bad argument that ended with me in tears for three days and us not talking to each other. I told him I felt like he was taking me for granted, that i felt like he was using me only for sex because he didn't go out of his way to plan dates like he used to. I told him that he hadn't even bought flowers for me ever, that i appreciate little gestures like this and surprises because I'm a romantic person (every argument ends with him apologising profusely and regretting what he said throughout). He called me a gold digger which isn't true because my mother taught me to not let others pay for you. Apart from Christmas presents and the odd gift here and there and a Valentine's Day Meal which I protested to because I wasn't in a financially stable time in my life, I have not allowed him to pay for anything. I had thoughts of breaking up with him that night and I felt extremely conflicted because I love him but at the same time, I felt so uncared for. He would still compliment me and tell me he loved me but i felt it was so repetitive, monotonous and superficial.

Just as we had resolved things and I made a rule where we would go out together on a date every weekend, COVID arrived and colleges shut down and we were forced into lockdown. It's been rough, we'd have days where we talked a lot and then days where he'd ghost me for half the day despite being online.

Tonight we had another bad argument. It started over him picking on me that I was on call with a friend and that I didn't bother checking in on how he was doing and that he wanted me to text him. I'm just so tired of arguments that I told him how stupid it was for him to pick on me for something like that and how if he has something on his mind, he should just communicate it to me.

It ended with the deep roots of me feeling like I'm being taken for granted, that he doesn't put effort into the relationship and how I carry the relationship by myself. He apologised routinely and regretted everything he said. He then suggested we should take a break of a day or two with no texting so that we could take a step back, re-evaluate what we love about each other in an attempt to make each other see the things we take for granted about each other. At this point I'm just tired and I've wondered so many times if I'd be better off by myself, if this relationship even has a future or if the river has run its course dry. I'm a sensitive girl and I've just been hurt so many times by taking what he says too personally. My parents argued a lot and as a child and they still do so I'm particularly sensitive to conflict. Arguments give me a horrible, ominous feeling deep in the pit of my stomach and I get very anxious. The intensity of these negative emotions every time we argue are starting to get to me and gnaw at my insides for hours after.

I still love him and I can't imagine what I'd do with him but the arguments and his lack of investment as of recently is starting to upset me and tire me emotionally.

Any feedback is highly appreciated, I'm at a stump.

[EDIT] - This is not to say he's not a good person. He's an extremely caring, compassionate, sweet, uplifting, understanding and soft-hearted man who has shown me affection and love better than my own parents have over the years. He has taught me how to live and love and I can't imagine my life without him. I hold him so close to my heart and I have never loved someone so much. I want to spend the rest of my life with him. He's not a violent or spiteful or jealous person. He's dealing with his own mental issues and stress right now and I try my best to understand him but he's just changed recently and became more mentally distant and stopped trying as much. I know these signs point to depression but theres not much help he can avail of because all non-essential services are closed.

TL;DR - I have a loving bf of 8 months who has become not so loving and has stopped putting in effort which lead me to arguing with him a lot and thoughts of breaking up, made worse by COVID-19 lockdown.

Submitted April 11, 2020 at 11:49PM

So for some background:I am an over-thinker with bursts of high functioning anxiety and depressionThis is my first relationship and it's my bf's first relationship alsoWe've been together for 8 monthsMy bf is a very sweet and caring guy but he suffers from depersonalisation​I met my current bf on Tinder and we clicked so well, we had so much chemistry on our first date with lots in common and very similar values and beliefs. He was a bit lost in life at the time and I helped him to the best of my ability to get back on track which he has. In the beginning, my bf was very affectionate and we both fell in love with each other, I still love him dearly to this day. He was very attentive and invested in our relationship up until 5 months in.6 months in, we stopped going on dates at the weekend and would typically visit each other at home, taking turns as both of us live with our parents relatively close-by. We would only go out when I suggested to and I slowly started feeling taken for granted, suffocated, unloved and just downright unappreciated. I would also instigate arguments over small things and essentially take my stress out on him subconsciously from college.Around a month ago we had a particularly bad argument that ended with me in tears for three days and us not talking to each other. I told him I felt like he was taking me for granted, that i felt like he was using me only for sex because he didn't go out of his way to plan dates like he used to. I told him that he hadn't even bought flowers for me ever, that i appreciate little gestures like this and surprises because I'm a romantic person (every argument ends with him apologising profusely and regretting what he said throughout). He called me a gold digger which isn't true because my mother taught me to not let others pay for you. Apart from Christmas presents and the odd gift here and there and a Valentine's Day Meal which I protested to because I wasn't in a financially stable time in my life, I have not allowed him to pay for anything. I had thoughts of breaking up with him that night and I felt extremely conflicted because I love him but at the same time, I felt so uncared for. He would still compliment me and tell me he loved me but i felt it was so repetitive, monotonous and superficial.Just as we had resolved things and I made a rule where we would go out together on a date every weekend, COVID arrived and colleges shut down and we were forced into lockdown. It's been rough, we'd have days where we talked a lot and then days where he'd ghost me for half the day despite being online.Tonight we had another bad argument. It started over him picking on me that I was on call with a friend and that I didn't bother checking in on how he was doing and that he wanted me to text him. I'm just so tired of arguments that I told him how stupid it was for him to pick on me for something like that and how if he has something on his mind, he should just communicate it to me.It ended with the deep roots of me feeling like I'm being taken for granted, that he doesn't put effort into the relationship and how I carry the relationship by myself. He apologised routinely and regretted everything he said. He then suggested we should take a break of a day or two with no texting so that we could take a step back, re-evaluate what we love about each other in an attempt to make each other see the things we take for granted about each other. At this point I'm just tired and I've wondered so many times if I'd be better off by myself, if this relationship even has a future or if the river has run its course dry. I'm a sensitive girl and I've just been hurt so many times by taking what he says too personally. My parents argued a lot and as a child and they still do so I'm particularly sensitive to conflict. Arguments give me a horrible, ominous feeling deep in the pit of my stomach and I get very anxious. The intensity of these negative emotions every time we argue are starting to get to me and gnaw at my insides for hours after.I still love him and I can't imagine what I'd do with him but the arguments and his lack of investment as of recently is starting to upset me and tire me emotionally.Any feedback is highly appreciated, I'm at a stump.[EDIT] - This is not to say he's not a good person. He's an extremely caring, compassionate, sweet, uplifting, understanding and soft-hearted man who has shown me affection and love better than my own parents have over the years. He has taught me how to live and love and I can't imagine my life without him. I hold him so close to my heart and I have never loved someone so much. I want to spend the rest of my life with him. He's not a violent or spiteful or jealous person. He's dealing with his own mental issues and stress right now and I try my best to understand him but he's just changed recently and became more mentally distant and stopped trying as much. I know these signs point to depression but theres not much help he can avail of because all non-essential services are closed.TL;DR - I have a loving bf of 8 months who has become not so loving and has stopped putting in effort which lead me to arguing with him a lot and thoughts of breaking up, made worse by COVID-19 lockdown.