29m feels that my wife 32f was the person I wanted to marry 6 years ago but as I'm approaching 30, she is really not the person I want to with.

First of I would like to get the most painful admission out of the way: I feel irresponsible that we have a baby (2yo) and that these feelings have been fostering from a year before she was born. The pregnancy and birth shoved this thought right at the back of my mind. But during my stay at home because of COVID-19 it is clear my wife is not the one for me.

Here are the reasons:

1.) I have made numerous pleas for her to make self care a priority because her neglect after we got married has been turning me off.

2.) I have to provide solutions to all "problems" in our daily lives.

3.) Her personal life becomes my worry. Anything pressing that she needs does not get done unless I stress or do it myself.

4.) She spends hours in the kitchen, it's always her excuse for not doing a certain task that she needed to do for us while I'm at work and she is at home.

5.) Never takes no for an answer.

6.) No matter how much proof is stacked against her, she will never admit she's wrong.

7.) One of the incident that sticks out is before COVID19 we were at a function and she asks for a bottle of water. I went around looking for one but could not find one. She kept on insisting, like 10 times in a space of 5 minutes. Until I said " I'll buy you a bottle on the way home", this took her on a frenzy on how I can't even get her water.

Whenever I say no or can't do something, she attacks my personality, implying "what kind of a person you are that you can't even....".

8.) On the arrival of the baby we decided that she will stay at home and I will work. But because of her endless kitchen hours she does not hold up her other responsibilities. When brought up she turns it into a patriarchy issue.

9.) Honestly I just wish I could tell her: It's easy to criticize me while I'm doing something and you just waiting for it to be done.

10.) I've become scared of speaking up to her. This is when I do, I explode. I become angry and my "anger issues" take centre stage and not what exactly I am angry about.

11.) I really appreciate her, she stood by me when I had little money, helped me through a career change. But I feel I have progressed in my life and she hasn't. Also her excuse as always been, that the lack of money is why she can't take care of her beauty but we not even poor, I am earning a decent wage. In her mind, paying people to do self care is self care.

12.) We hardly talk, not deep talks. I yearn for that. It's mostly usual chats or us watching a series together.

13.) I have an issue with her weight and I "fat shamed her" many times over a period of time, that hurt her a lot and I realised what an @#£#@ I was and apologized. However this has demonized me and has cancelled all her "wrongs". Even in the eyes of my parents I am the only one who is wrong.

I'd be lying if I say "I really love her but", honestly I don't think I love her. However I am not willing to make that a definite statement because it could be misplaced anger.

I am posting it here because I have no one else to speak to. Definitely not anyone in my social circles because we share them. Not even my parents because they are old school and very conservative and the idea of these feelings are just foreign.

Tldr : my wife does not take care of herself and it turns me of. She does not cover many of responsibilities and spends all her time "in the kitchen". We hardly have deep conversations and I feel isolated with this problem.

Submitted April 11, 2020 at 11:55PM

First of I would like to get the most painful admission out of the way: I feel irresponsible that we have a baby (2yo) and that these feelings have been fostering from a year before she was born. The pregnancy and birth shoved this thought right at the back of my mind. But during my stay at home because of COVID-19 it is clear my wife is not the one for me.Here are the reasons:1.) I have made numerous pleas for her to make self care a priority because her neglect after we got married has been turning me off.2.) I have to provide solutions to all "problems" in our daily lives.3.) Her personal life becomes my worry. Anything pressing that she needs does not get done unless I stress or do it myself.4.) She spends hours in the kitchen, it's always her excuse for not doing a certain task that she needed to do for us while I'm at work and she is at home.5.) Never takes no for an answer.6.) No matter how much proof is stacked against her, she will never admit she's wrong.7.) One of the incident that sticks out is before COVID19 we were at a function and she asks for a bottle of water. I went around looking for one but could not find one. She kept on insisting, like 10 times in a space of 5 minutes. Until I said " I'll buy you a bottle on the way home", this took her on a frenzy on how I can't even get her water.Whenever I say no or can't do something, she attacks my personality, implying "what kind of a person you are that you can't even....".8.) On the arrival of the baby we decided that she will stay at home and I will work. But because of her endless kitchen hours she does not hold up her other responsibilities. When brought up she turns it into a patriarchy issue.9.) Honestly I just wish I could tell her: It's easy to criticize me while I'm doing something and you just waiting for it to be done.10.) I've become scared of speaking up to her. This is when I do, I explode. I become angry and my "anger issues" take centre stage and not what exactly I am angry about.11.) I really appreciate her, she stood by me when I had little money, helped me through a career change. But I feel I have progressed in my life and she hasn't. Also her excuse as always been, that the lack of money is why she can't take care of her beauty but we not even poor, I am earning a decent wage. In her mind, paying people to do self care is self care.12.) We hardly talk, not deep talks. I yearn for that. It's mostly usual chats or us watching a series together.13.) I have an issue with her weight and I "fat shamed her" many times over a period of time, that hurt her a lot and I realised what an @#£#@ I was and apologized. However this has demonized me and has cancelled all her "wrongs". Even in the eyes of my parents I am the only one who is wrong.I'd be lying if I say "I really love her but", honestly I don't think I love her. However I am not willing to make that a definite statement because it could be misplaced anger.I am posting it here because I have no one else to speak to. Definitely not anyone in my social circles because we share them. Not even my parents because they are old school and very conservative and the idea of these feelings are just foreign.Tldr : my wife does not take care of herself and it turns me of. She does not cover many of responsibilities and spends all her time "in the kitchen". We hardly have deep conversations and I feel isolated with this problem.