I met my soulmate, now my heart is broken

I met him at school. He was the only person who would say hi to me in the hallways. We started hanging out platonically summer of 2018, he had a girlfriend and ghosted me after I slept over once. I think that was when he realized what we could’ve been. A few months later, he came back. They had “broken up”. So we fool around for a couple weeks, then he ghosts me again. It’s her birthday and she’s on his story. He said “fuck off she’s my best friend.” I kept trying to get him back, which obviously didn’t work and just hurt me more. Last time we spoke was thanksgiving of 2018 and it ended with him blocking me. About a month later I end up in a mental hospital for two weeks. After that, I had my time in two more mental hospitals. When I was back at school, I’d go to little parties or hangouts and every time I knew he’d be there I would throw up multiple times. I struggle with a lot of anxiety but never have I vomited from it, with the exception of a few times from him. If anyone’s actually reading this, you can probably tell that he’s a piece of shit who really doesn’t deserve me.. however that connection we had was real. We would stay up all night and just talk for hours, with most conversations between people it’s one of them talking about themselves and vice versa, we weren’t like that. So that was a long time ago and I’ve had many guys since him who wanted to give me the world but none of them can come even close to what I felt with him and I know he felt it too, he even vocalized it once. Ever since that first time I met him I’ve never been able to stop thinking about him. I did come to terms with the fact that he just wasn’t coming back. Thanksgiving of 2019 (exactly a year after we had last spoke) he sends me the nastiest dm I have ever received. Telling me how he didn’t want me and I “can’t accept that” I don’t really need to go into many details, but it seems like he’s still thinking about me too and especially on thanksgiving, something must’ve been pretty important for him to take time out of that day to send me those messages. So that hurt a lot needless to say. That was the last time he talked to me but this story isn’t over. 2020 rolls around and I’ve seen him three times in random public places so far. One of those times I was even with another guy just walking around dicks sporting goods. He was there trying out a baseball bat. So when I see him in person we don’t talk at all but clearly that increases how much I think about him and miss the time we had. I had a bad trip with a boyfriend a few weeks ago and went home and did tarot cards. My question was asking if I should go hang out with the boyfriend at the time, but the cards knew I was thinking about something else because the card I drew said that whatever my truth is, it’s not wishful thinking. It’s the truth and I have to embrace it. Naturally, I just sat in my room and cried for awhile. I just got back from vacation and on the beach the stars are so bright and when I see stars I usually think about him, asking the universe why it’s doing this to me. I’ve been writing countless songs about him and I’ve tried so hard to fill this void but no one can except him. So last night I did a tarot reading again. This time my question was asking if I’ll meet him again this year (because I keep seeing him, that can’t just be a coincidence) and out of 44 cards face down I managed to draw the same one as last time, telling me to embrace my truth and that it is the truth. I have many more synchronicities related to him, most happened awhile ago minus the cards and “sightings”. Anyways, I just wanted to put this out there and share some of my story. If you’d like to hear more, this is by far the craziest thing that’s happened to me and I know the universe is telling me it’s not over.

Submitted March 22, 2020 at 11:53PM

I met him at school. He was the only person who would say hi to me in the hallways. We started hanging out platonically summer of 2018, he had a girlfriend and ghosted me after I slept over once. I think that was when he realized what we could’ve been. A few months later, he came back. They had “broken up”. So we fool around for a couple weeks, then he ghosts me again. It’s her birthday and she’s on his story. He said “fuck off she’s my best friend.” I kept trying to get him back, which obviously didn’t work and just hurt me more. Last time we spoke was thanksgiving of 2018 and it ended with him blocking me. About a month later I end up in a mental hospital for two weeks. After that, I had my time in two more mental hospitals. When I was back at school, I’d go to little parties or hangouts and every time I knew he’d be there I would throw up multiple times. I struggle with a lot of anxiety but never have I vomited from it, with the exception of a few times from him. If anyone’s actually reading this, you can probably tell that he’s a piece of shit who really doesn’t deserve me.. however that connection we had was real. We would stay up all night and just talk for hours, with most conversations between people it’s one of them talking about themselves and vice versa, we weren’t like that. So that was a long time ago and I’ve had many guys since him who wanted to give me the world but none of them can come even close to what I felt with him and I know he felt it too, he even vocalized it once. Ever since that first time I met him I’ve never been able to stop thinking about him. I did come to terms with the fact that he just wasn’t coming back. Thanksgiving of 2019 (exactly a year after we had last spoke) he sends me the nastiest dm I have ever received. Telling me how he didn’t want me and I “can’t accept that” I don’t really need to go into many details, but it seems like he’s still thinking about me too and especially on thanksgiving, something must’ve been pretty important for him to take time out of that day to send me those messages. So that hurt a lot needless to say. That was the last time he talked to me but this story isn’t over. 2020 rolls around and I’ve seen him three times in random public places so far. One of those times I was even with another guy just walking around dicks sporting goods. He was there trying out a baseball bat. So when I see him in person we don’t talk at all but clearly that increases how much I think about him and miss the time we had. I had a bad trip with a boyfriend a few weeks ago and went home and did tarot cards. My question was asking if I should go hang out with the boyfriend at the time, but the cards knew I was thinking about something else because the card I drew said that whatever my truth is, it’s not wishful thinking. It’s the truth and I have to embrace it. Naturally, I just sat in my room and cried for awhile. I just got back from vacation and on the beach the stars are so bright and when I see stars I usually think about him, asking the universe why it’s doing this to me. I’ve been writing countless songs about him and I’ve tried so hard to fill this void but no one can except him. So last night I did a tarot reading again. This time my question was asking if I’ll meet him again this year (because I keep seeing him, that can’t just be a coincidence) and out of 44 cards face down I managed to draw the same one as last time, telling me to embrace my truth and that it is the truth. I have many more synchronicities related to him, most happened awhile ago minus the cards and “sightings”. Anyways, I just wanted to put this out there and share some of my story. If you’d like to hear more, this is by far the craziest thing that’s happened to me and I know the universe is telling me it’s not over.