Guy getting a lot of "No Spark" from dates - where to go from here?

So as a now 40M, it's only quite recently I've actually been 'dating', vs finding girlfriends from friend groups etc

So far I've discovered I'm really not very good at it - in the last year and a half I've had a single mutual agreed second date (out of maybe 20+ total), though that didn't end up happening as neither of us were THAT into it, it seems.

Pretty consistently I get 'no spark' if I do show some interest in a second date and other cases it's obvious that's the case.

I'm not very good at "flirting" with people I don't know.

I feel dates tend to be a bit too much just talking about our lives maybe - but never run out of things to chat about and generally I'm good at finding plenty of "connection".

​

Any other men been here and what did you do?

Or, for anyone - any general dating tips for what makes you feel that 'spark'. (And yes I know it can be a bit hard to quantify, thus rounding up that description to "spark".)

Some Background:

Most recently I asked about the 'no spark' and she said it was a physical thing - I've since checked and actually the pics showing I'm bald (shaved stubble) had been cropped wrongly in that app - I'm really hoping it's just that and have fixed the pics in that app.

I'm not a big fan of my looks, but that doesn't harm my confidence. I seem to get some attention 'in real life' anyway - (6', low body fat and a bit above average muscle considering I don't work out with 38" chest, 30" waist; but my face looked better with a bit more weight.)

I have a decent enough job, a pretty varied life and take an interest in the world, keep myself busy doing loads of different activities, which have varied over the years. Practical and I try and reign back my nature to be overly helpful for fear it comes across a bit nice guy™.

I've been described in the past as "slow burn" - which of course isn't ideal for dating!

Finally; I know some don't believe you can or should try and change yourself/improve yourself in this sort of thing and suggest "Just be yourself". I accept your point of view, but reject it for myself. Since I was 8 when moving countries and I realised I wanted to change things about myself to fit in more, I've always been happy to try and improve my social situation - I'd be in a massively worse place if I hadn't, despite some of the hurdles life has thrown at me.



Submitted March 06, 2020 at 12:12AM

So as a now 40M, it's only quite recently I've actually been 'dating', vs finding girlfriends from friend groups etcSo far I've discovered I'm really not very good at it - in the last year and a half I've had a single mutual agreed second date (out of maybe 20+ total), though that didn't end up happening as neither of us were THAT into it, it seems.Pretty consistently I get 'no spark' if I do show some interest in a second date and other cases it's obvious that's the case.I'm not very good at "flirting" with people I don't know.I feel dates tend to be a bit too much just talking about our lives maybe - but never run out of things to chat about and generally I'm good at finding plenty of "connection".​Any other men been here and what did you do?Or, for anyone - any general dating tips for what makes you feel that 'spark'. (And yes I know it can be a bit hard to quantify, thus rounding up that description to "spark".)Some Background:Most recently I asked about the 'no spark' and she said it was a physical thing - I've since checked and actually the pics showing I'm bald (shaved stubble) had been cropped wrongly in that app - I'm really hoping it's just that and have fixed the pics in that app.I'm not a big fan of my looks, but that doesn't harm my confidence. I seem to get some attention 'in real life' anyway - (6', low body fat and a bit above average muscle considering I don't work out with 38" chest, 30" waist; but my face looked better with a bit more weight.)I have a decent enough job, a pretty varied life and take an interest in the world, keep myself busy doing loads of different activities, which have varied over the years. Practical and I try and reign back my nature to be overly helpful for fear it comes across a bit nice guy™.I've been described in the past as "slow burn" - which of course isn't ideal for dating!Finally; I know some don't believe you can or should try and change yourself/improve yourself in this sort of thing and suggest "Just be yourself". I accept your point of view, but reject it for myself. Since I was 8 when moving countries and I realised I wanted to change things about myself to fit in more, I've always been happy to try and improve my social situation - I'd be in a massively worse place if I hadn't, despite some of the hurdles life has thrown at me.
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