Help communicating feelings to my SO

Me and my boyfriend both prefer rough sex. Nothing serious really, but a little choking, fast paced, light slaps, etc. is our usual go to.

Although I do like rough sex, sometimes I would appreciate actually making love. Light, sensual, soft sex with the man I love. My boyfriend is such a sweet guy and he always makes sure to give me a lot of cuddles and love after sex, but lately I've just been feeling... Weird about rough sex. Like I enjoy myself when its happening, I love him, but after sex I feel down and sort of sad.

Its such a weird feeling because I do enjoy myself and I don't feel as though my bf does anything to make me feel bad about myself during or after. This has never been a problem before so I'm feeling a bit perplexed

And for some reason I have no idea how to convey this to my boyfriend. I don't know why I am having such a hard time with it because I am usually very vocal about what I like/dislike. I guess I just don't want him to feel like he's done something wrong because he truthfully hasn't.

I've vaguely brought up during foreplay once (I know I know, bad timing) that I wanted to go slow and foreplay was great! Sex started slow with lots of kisses but over time it just progressed to our usual rough sex again.

My boyfriend and I are pretty good at communicating effectively, but I feel like I don't know how to tell him that I want to have sex that STAYS soft and slow. Not often, but every once in awhile I feel like would help me feel less weird and get me out of this headspace

Just to be clear, my boyfriend has never made me feel like I couldn't say no and I have never felt pressured to have sex or do things that I am uncomfortable with. If either of us are ever uncomfortable, neither of us have ever kept going if asked to stop. The problem seriously is because I am not communicating. I don't mean to sound like a broken record, but I just want to make it clear that I don't want to hear advice revolving around anything involving powerlessness, being taken advantage of, etc. That is not the case here.

I just don't know why I'm having such a hard time. This guy is my best friend and I know I can tell him anything. I know he wont take it badly and I know that he will listen but I am feeling so nervous.

When is a good time to bring it up? How do I bring it up? What do I say? Any help is appreciated and sorry for the ramble!



Submitted February 23, 2020 at 11:52PM

Me and my boyfriend both prefer rough sex. Nothing serious really, but a little choking, fast paced, light slaps, etc. is our usual go to.Although I do like rough sex, sometimes I would appreciate actually making love. Light, sensual, soft sex with the man I love. My boyfriend is such a sweet guy and he always makes sure to give me a lot of cuddles and love after sex, but lately I've just been feeling... Weird about rough sex. Like I enjoy myself when its happening, I love him, but after sex I feel down and sort of sad.Its such a weird feeling because I do enjoy myself and I don't feel as though my bf does anything to make me feel bad about myself during or after. This has never been a problem before so I'm feeling a bit perplexedAnd for some reason I have no idea how to convey this to my boyfriend. I don't know why I am having such a hard time with it because I am usually very vocal about what I like/dislike. I guess I just don't want him to feel like he's done something wrong because he truthfully hasn't.I've vaguely brought up during foreplay once (I know I know, bad timing) that I wanted to go slow and foreplay was great! Sex started slow with lots of kisses but over time it just progressed to our usual rough sex again.My boyfriend and I are pretty good at communicating effectively, but I feel like I don't know how to tell him that I want to have sex that STAYS soft and slow. Not often, but every once in awhile I feel like would help me feel less weird and get me out of this headspaceJust to be clear, my boyfriend has never made me feel like I couldn't say no and I have never felt pressured to have sex or do things that I am uncomfortable with. If either of us are ever uncomfortable, neither of us have ever kept going if asked to stop. The problem seriously is because I am not communicating. I don't mean to sound like a broken record, but I just want to make it clear that I don't want to hear advice revolving around anything involving powerlessness, being taken advantage of, etc. That is not the case here.I just don't know why I'm having such a hard time. This guy is my best friend and I know I can tell him anything. I know he wont take it badly and I know that he will listen but I am feeling so nervous.When is a good time to bring it up? How do I bring it up? What do I say? Any help is appreciated and sorry for the ramble!
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