A lifelong mistake

I've been married over a year and 6 months now, with a beautiful daughter who is 5 months old. To be frank, I have no idea why I married my wife. We dated for 6 months and I suppose I just wanted to do the right thing. I told her the day before our wedding I didn't feel right, but we did it anyway. I blame myself for putting that on her. Needless to say our honeymoon was very confusing and quite terrible really. I hated my wedding day, and the only thing I thought went well was what I was responsible for. That was the pictures. Anyway, we have been wanting to make it work out since although honestly we don't fight rather we have conversations about how we aren't physically or emotionally connecting. Im always honest with her, but it doesnt seem to help. We have sex but its boring. We talk but the conversation is boring. I don't want her to feel terrible and I'm trying to see the good in her but I fail to be inspired or invigorated. I do my best to treat her right, and swallow my problematic selfishness. I try to make her feel loved by buying her things, spending time with her as best I can, having sex with her despite it being boring, telling her the things I find attractive about her, but its not enough to convince me. She tries to do what she can, but it falls flat. I know I should be more understanding but this has been difficult for me since the beginning. I don't ever plan on getting a divorce unless there is abuse involved. I hope that my wife and I can be at a place where we are actually happy. I just worry that it will be this way forever and that I have made a lifelong mistake.

Submitted February 24, 2020 at 12:12AM

I've been married over a year and 6 months now, with a beautiful daughter who is 5 months old. To be frank, I have no idea why I married my wife. We dated for 6 months and I suppose I just wanted to do the right thing. I told her the day before our wedding I didn't feel right, but we did it anyway. I blame myself for putting that on her. Needless to say our honeymoon was very confusing and quite terrible really. I hated my wedding day, and the only thing I thought went well was what I was responsible for. That was the pictures. Anyway, we have been wanting to make it work out since although honestly we don't fight rather we have conversations about how we aren't physically or emotionally connecting. Im always honest with her, but it doesnt seem to help. We have sex but its boring. We talk but the conversation is boring. I don't want her to feel terrible and I'm trying to see the good in her but I fail to be inspired or invigorated. I do my best to treat her right, and swallow my problematic selfishness. I try to make her feel loved by buying her things, spending time with her as best I can, having sex with her despite it being boring, telling her the things I find attractive about her, but its not enough to convince me. She tries to do what she can, but it falls flat. I know I should be more understanding but this has been difficult for me since the beginning. I don't ever plan on getting a divorce unless there is abuse involved. I hope that my wife and I can be at a place where we are actually happy. I just worry that it will be this way forever and that I have made a lifelong mistake.