How do you know if you’re truly loved by your husband?

Sometimes I think I love my husband more than he loves me. There have been times that I have been painfully overlooked by him. I feel I always put him first. I’m an expat that moved to my husbands country for him. I gave up a job I liked, time with my family, everything. He has done a great job building as good a life as possible for us and I hate feeling ungrateful. But a few instances have me questioning why I do all this for him when I know he’d never do the same for me. Am I expecting too much? A few examples of what I mean: when his ex girlfriend was being all crazy towards me, he didn’t want to confront her because he didn’t want to hurt her feelings. So mine got hurt instead because it felt that he was more worried about her than me (this was early on in our relationship). His sister is a bitch to me, so I cut off contact from her (just me- he still has contact with her) and he wants me to reach out to her and patch things up even though it’s really her who should be apologizing. On our wedding day, we had guests who were business colleagues of his. He went out of his way for them, like too much. I felt abandoned with all the stress and logistics, he didn’t really help. On the day after our wedding he even spent the day driving them everywhere. He also told me, before we moved to his country, that it would be temporary and if we hated it we could move. Well I’m really unhappy here a lot of the time but he now says he won’t leave because he’s so devoted to his younger brother (he has Down’s syndrome). I was recently visiting home for a few months because one of my relatives is ill and I was gone for a few weeks. When I returned, he wasn’t exactly in a hurry to be intimate with me. In fact it’s usually me who initiates sex. I’m usually the first to say “I love you”, and he then says it back.

Just to clarify, when we met and decided to be in a long term relationship, we were actually both expats living and working in a sunny Mediterranean country that I loved. He got sick of things there and asked if I’d be willing to try his home country in Northern Europe, and I enthusiastically agreed. At the time it sounded like an adventure. I know he cares for me, he’s been supportive in many ways.

I’ve just mentioned a lot of negative things. He also has a lot of good things and has shown me love and support in other ways but I really just want to discuss these negative things that are alarming to me now.



Submitted December 08, 2019 at 11:41PM

Sometimes I think I love my husband more than he loves me. There have been times that I have been painfully overlooked by him. I feel I always put him first. I’m an expat that moved to my husbands country for him. I gave up a job I liked, time with my family, everything. He has done a great job building as good a life as possible for us and I hate feeling ungrateful. But a few instances have me questioning why I do all this for him when I know he’d never do the same for me. Am I expecting too much? A few examples of what I mean: when his ex girlfriend was being all crazy towards me, he didn’t want to confront her because he didn’t want to hurt her feelings. So mine got hurt instead because it felt that he was more worried about her than me (this was early on in our relationship). His sister is a bitch to me, so I cut off contact from her (just me- he still has contact with her) and he wants me to reach out to her and patch things up even though it’s really her who should be apologizing. On our wedding day, we had guests who were business colleagues of his. He went out of his way for them, like too much. I felt abandoned with all the stress and logistics, he didn’t really help. On the day after our wedding he even spent the day driving them everywhere. He also told me, before we moved to his country, that it would be temporary and if we hated it we could move. Well I’m really unhappy here a lot of the time but he now says he won’t leave because he’s so devoted to his younger brother (he has Down’s syndrome). I was recently visiting home for a few months because one of my relatives is ill and I was gone for a few weeks. When I returned, he wasn’t exactly in a hurry to be intimate with me. In fact it’s usually me who initiates sex. I’m usually the first to say “I love you”, and he then says it back.Just to clarify, when we met and decided to be in a long term relationship, we were actually both expats living and working in a sunny Mediterranean country that I loved. He got sick of things there and asked if I’d be willing to try his home country in Northern Europe, and I enthusiastically agreed. At the time it sounded like an adventure. I know he cares for me, he’s been supportive in many ways.I’ve just mentioned a lot of negative things. He also has a lot of good things and has shown me love and support in other ways but I really just want to discuss these negative things that are alarming to me now.
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