How do I (24M) help my girlfriend (22F) with her serious issues? Can I even help?

Been in an LDR with this girl for a long time, over 8 years. We lived together for 2 years in the middle of it, but due to circumstances we were separated as I had to finish school. We are moving back in together in a year when I graduate. We deeply love each other and are very very compatible. If soulmates are a thing, she definitely is mine.

She's had a lot of problems in life which have got worse progressively for a long time off and on with depression leading to her seclusion. She has a couple close friends that she hangs out with occasionally and has grown distant from due to what I suspect are problems caused by her depression and such, but I don't know exactly, leading her to not go out much and just stay indoors.

She withdrew from college partially due to costs and to work on her independent art career while working a few hours at a part time job. She's extremely talented and I fully believe in her to make a good living out of it, but she lacks the motivation a lot of the time to do all she could be doing to progress. She finds the LDR extremely difficult and we've had a few issues due to my life obligations sometimes leading to me not giving her all the attention I should have, which I've worked on and am working on.

Her idea which she's expressed somewhat but denies is because I'm not living with her, and if I was she would have someone she connects with easily to do normal and social things, that she doesn't because she doesn't have friends. I recognize that LDR is really difficult and it is for me as well, but I also think there are a lot of underlying issues that aren't related to that and me being there isn't going to fix it, just make her entirely reliant on me for her happiness. She's expressed the idea that she's extremely unhappy all the time because she's in an LDR, but can't imagine breaking up with me, so by her words she's just "suffering through it".

I struggle with it a lot of the time and miss her a lot, but am still fulfilled in my life through my hobby and being at college full time. Based on what she's said (she won't say admit it, maybe she's being honest or maybe she doesn't realize it), I feel like she's solely dependent on the relationship for her happiness and her idea of us being together will fix everything in her life, which is unhealthy IMO if she's relying on our relationship, or a relationship in general for her well being in life.

I tried to talk to her about everything she was feeling, and she just ended up wallowing in her despair of being useless and unlikable and wasting her life away. I think that these are deep seated issues so I understand why it's hard for her to think otherwise, but she was not receptive to me trying to talk with her about things she could work on to make new friends, commit to more hours at her job or another one, and improve her life in general. She just repeated the same thing that she's a disappointment and useless and shut herself off from me. I've recommended her to therapy in the past, and she's adamantly refused and is not open to the suggestion of it at all, thinking she doesn't need it.

Even with her own issues that make the relationship worse, it doesn't affect me in any significant capacity that I would think about breaking up with her ever, but I feel as if I'm helpless to help her, since she doesn't want to help herself.

I understand that a lot of people may think that I should break up with her, but she seriously is the greatest person I've ever met and adds to my life in so many ways despite her issues. I just have no idea what to do

Thanks to anyone who read this through

TL;DR

Life long girlfriend has serious self esteem and depression issues affecting her and the relationship negatively, isn't receptive to even try to improve her situation. I have no idea where to go from here, and I definitely do not want to break up with her.

Submitted December 11, 2019 at 12:15AM

Been in an LDR with this girl for a long time, over 8 years. We lived together for 2 years in the middle of it, but due to circumstances we were separated as I had to finish school. We are moving back in together in a year when I graduate. We deeply love each other and are very very compatible. If soulmates are a thing, she definitely is mine.She's had a lot of problems in life which have got worse progressively for a long time off and on with depression leading to her seclusion. She has a couple close friends that she hangs out with occasionally and has grown distant from due to what I suspect are problems caused by her depression and such, but I don't know exactly, leading her to not go out much and just stay indoors.She withdrew from college partially due to costs and to work on her independent art career while working a few hours at a part time job. She's extremely talented and I fully believe in her to make a good living out of it, but she lacks the motivation a lot of the time to do all she could be doing to progress. She finds the LDR extremely difficult and we've had a few issues due to my life obligations sometimes leading to me not giving her all the attention I should have, which I've worked on and am working on.Her idea which she's expressed somewhat but denies is because I'm not living with her, and if I was she would have someone she connects with easily to do normal and social things, that she doesn't because she doesn't have friends. I recognize that LDR is really difficult and it is for me as well, but I also think there are a lot of underlying issues that aren't related to that and me being there isn't going to fix it, just make her entirely reliant on me for her happiness. She's expressed the idea that she's extremely unhappy all the time because she's in an LDR, but can't imagine breaking up with me, so by her words she's just "suffering through it".I struggle with it a lot of the time and miss her a lot, but am still fulfilled in my life through my hobby and being at college full time. Based on what she's said (she won't say admit it, maybe she's being honest or maybe she doesn't realize it), I feel like she's solely dependent on the relationship for her happiness and her idea of us being together will fix everything in her life, which is unhealthy IMO if she's relying on our relationship, or a relationship in general for her well being in life.I tried to talk to her about everything she was feeling, and she just ended up wallowing in her despair of being useless and unlikable and wasting her life away. I think that these are deep seated issues so I understand why it's hard for her to think otherwise, but she was not receptive to me trying to talk with her about things she could work on to make new friends, commit to more hours at her job or another one, and improve her life in general. She just repeated the same thing that she's a disappointment and useless and shut herself off from me. I've recommended her to therapy in the past, and she's adamantly refused and is not open to the suggestion of it at all, thinking she doesn't need it.Even with her own issues that make the relationship worse, it doesn't affect me in any significant capacity that I would think about breaking up with her ever, but I feel as if I'm helpless to help her, since she doesn't want to help herself.I understand that a lot of people may think that I should break up with her, but she seriously is the greatest person I've ever met and adds to my life in so many ways despite her issues. I just have no idea what to doThanks to anyone who read this throughTL;DRLife long girlfriend has serious self esteem and depression issues affecting her and the relationship negatively, isn't receptive to even try to improve her situation. I have no idea where to go from here, and I definitely do not want to break up with her.