Struggling to please my partner with endometriosis

I (25 M) am really struggling to maintain a happy sex life with my partner (23 F), after she began to suffer more from the effects of endometriosis.

A bit of back story:

My partner and I have been dating for just under three years. For the first year of our relationship we had a fantastic sex life. We would have sex literally every single day. Most of the time, this wasn't painful and it was enjoyable for both of us. Sometimes she would hurt during and after sex, but she put this down to her endometriosis and my size. She encouraged me to continue even when it hurt because she would get turned on by being submissive. I learnt to be more aggressive, often hitting, restraining and choking her consentually.

This was a new thing for me and it took me a while to learn to enjoy it. Often times I would feel guilty and bad for 'hurting' her after sex, even when she told me that it's exactly what she wanted. Sex sort of turned into an 'act' for me that I would need to plan and execute. I would often dissociate from her and I had trouble feeling close to her emotionally during.

Skip forward to today and her endometriosis has worsened. We are finding it really hard to have intercourse now without it being incredibly painful for her. The result is that we both now feel really anxious about initiating, which is not great when we need to be relaxed to be turned on. I have tried to suggest that I give her oral sex more which I really enjoy, but she feels insecure about letting me do that no matter how hard I try to let her know that I think she's beautiful down there.

She's extremely opposed to the idea of any anal play, again for the same reason - she doesn't feel attractive there. The last few times we have tried to have sex it's been awkward, forced and ended in tears for both of us.

She feels guilty about her own body and tells me that "I'm in my 20's and should be having good sex". I don't know where to go from here. I'm trying to be as supportive and loving as I can but I feel like it's not working.

Please send help.



Submitted October 18, 2019 at 12:11AM

I (25 M) am really struggling to maintain a happy sex life with my partner (23 F), after she began to suffer more from the effects of endometriosis.A bit of back story:My partner and I have been dating for just under three years. For the first year of our relationship we had a fantastic sex life. We would have sex literally every single day. Most of the time, this wasn't painful and it was enjoyable for both of us. Sometimes she would hurt during and after sex, but she put this down to her endometriosis and my size. She encouraged me to continue even when it hurt because she would get turned on by being submissive. I learnt to be more aggressive, often hitting, restraining and choking her consentually.This was a new thing for me and it took me a while to learn to enjoy it. Often times I would feel guilty and bad for 'hurting' her after sex, even when she told me that it's exactly what she wanted. Sex sort of turned into an 'act' for me that I would need to plan and execute. I would often dissociate from her and I had trouble feeling close to her emotionally during.Skip forward to today and her endometriosis has worsened. We are finding it really hard to have intercourse now without it being incredibly painful for her. The result is that we both now feel really anxious about initiating, which is not great when we need to be relaxed to be turned on. I have tried to suggest that I give her oral sex more which I really enjoy, but she feels insecure about letting me do that no matter how hard I try to let her know that I think she's beautiful down there.She's extremely opposed to the idea of any anal play, again for the same reason - she doesn't feel attractive there. The last few times we have tried to have sex it's been awkward, forced and ended in tears for both of us.She feels guilty about her own body and tells me that "I'm in my 20's and should be having good sex". I don't know where to go from here. I'm trying to be as supportive and loving as I can but I feel like it's not working.Please send help.
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