Does anyone have a good neurotypical/autism marriage?

I could so use your input. We have been together for 12 years and have 2 autistic children. I knew my husband was quirky. I didn't realize it was autism until I was pregnant a second time and saw the symptoms in my older child. From there it was just down, down, down. My husband's symptoms became a lot worse with the stress of kids.

For years I've told him that we need therapy. It doesn't help that we have very little support network. Most of my family is dead or estranged, he has no friends and is very distant from his family.

He tells me we can't get a baby-sitter (my sibling probably could once or twice a month). He tells me we don't have the money (we do). He tells me we just need to spend time together - we do, but obviously it's more than that.

I don't think either of us cares to spend time together. My hobbies, interests, what happened in my day are of no interest to him. To be blunt, his doesn't appeal to me either. I at least try to engage him ; if what I'm talking about doesn't interest him, he'll be sure to tell me it's dumb, talk over me, scoff about it, ignore me or revert back to talking about himself.

He talks a lot about a female coworker he says has been in a relationship for years. I know he has a crush. And to be honest... It doesn't bother me. I guess it should.

I don't know what else to do. He has ignored me regarding the seriousness of this for years. Now we are truly roommates and strangers.

Ultimately I don't think divorce is an option for us - as our kids will likely need lifelong care, and the cost of raising those funds if we separate will be hard. I don't know when I will be able to return to the workforce and if I could make a go of supporting us alone... Because I would need to be off for Summers, holidays, and likely the frequent and inevitable times the school sends my kids home..I can't imagine having anything other than minimum wage jobs. I always just figured my income would get funneled directly to our retirement and trusts for the kids.

Last week was our anniversary, which I mentioned casually. I didn't expect anything - that ship for us sailed a long time ago. He joked about how we made it that long. Inertia, I said. We both laughed. In the way that two people who know they are together because they have no other choice laugh.

Has anyone in an NT/ASD marriage thrived? Turned this dynamic around? If not, how have you coped with having a "parenting marriage" and the loss of intimacy?

Submitted October 17, 2019 at 11:54PM

I could so use your input. We have been together for 12 years and have 2 autistic children. I knew my husband was quirky. I didn't realize it was autism until I was pregnant a second time and saw the symptoms in my older child. From there it was just down, down, down. My husband's symptoms became a lot worse with the stress of kids.For years I've told him that we need therapy. It doesn't help that we have very little support network. Most of my family is dead or estranged, he has no friends and is very distant from his family.He tells me we can't get a baby-sitter (my sibling probably could once or twice a month). He tells me we don't have the money (we do). He tells me we just need to spend time together - we do, but obviously it's more than that.I don't think either of us cares to spend time together. My hobbies, interests, what happened in my day are of no interest to him. To be blunt, his doesn't appeal to me either. I at least try to engage him ; if what I'm talking about doesn't interest him, he'll be sure to tell me it's dumb, talk over me, scoff about it, ignore me or revert back to talking about himself.He talks a lot about a female coworker he says has been in a relationship for years. I know he has a crush. And to be honest... It doesn't bother me. I guess it should.I don't know what else to do. He has ignored me regarding the seriousness of this for years. Now we are truly roommates and strangers.Ultimately I don't think divorce is an option for us - as our kids will likely need lifelong care, and the cost of raising those funds if we separate will be hard. I don't know when I will be able to return to the workforce and if I could make a go of supporting us alone... Because I would need to be off for Summers, holidays, and likely the frequent and inevitable times the school sends my kids home..I can't imagine having anything other than minimum wage jobs. I always just figured my income would get funneled directly to our retirement and trusts for the kids.Last week was our anniversary, which I mentioned casually. I didn't expect anything - that ship for us sailed a long time ago. He joked about how we made it that long. Inertia, I said. We both laughed. In the way that two people who know they are together because they have no other choice laugh.Has anyone in an NT/ASD marriage thrived? Turned this dynamic around? If not, how have you coped with having a "parenting marriage" and the loss of intimacy?