My Break Up

When my boyfriend and I first had the 'Are We Dating?' talk back in September, one of the first things we agreed upon was that it was best to break up before we headed off to college. I was only applying to east coast schools, while he was only applying to west coast schools. It's the end of August, and soon he'll be leaving me. To be honest, if I had known 10 months ago that I would've ended up feeling the way I do, I'm not sure if I would have been able to get into this relationship.

Somehow, somewhere along our relationship, he became my best friend. I had never been more comfortable with anyone in my life. I never felt more at home or safer or happier with anyone else. I felt like my chest was glowing all the time. Often I would question if what I was feeling was the result a first real love or teenage hormones gone wild, but as more and more time passed, I concluded that what I was feeling was real.

If I suddenly jumped back in time, I know I would've still chosen the relationship. No matter what. I grappled with the idea of our relationship ending nearly the entirety of the time we were together. I would sit there anticipating the heartbreak that was yet to come. Still, the idea of mutually assured destruction was in a way comforting. We were going to break each other. It was going to be scary and painful and awful. And beautiful.

He and I had a conversation about breaking up now that we're only a few days away from it. The gist of the conversation was basically, "If this were any other time in our lives then..."

I'm not sure why I'm posting this. Might delete it in case he sees it. He's on Reddit. We're keeping in contact. I can't imagine not having him in my life at all. I'm not sure how to do this. I like to think that if we're really meant for each other... then this time apart will just make us know. That this time apart won't even matter and that we'll find our way back to each other somehow. That might be a naive way to think. I don't know. If anyone has any input that might be helpful, I'd appreciate it more than I can say.

Submitted August 17, 2019 at 11:45PM

When my boyfriend and I first had the 'Are We Dating?' talk back in September, one of the first things we agreed upon was that it was best to break up before we headed off to college. I was only applying to east coast schools, while he was only applying to west coast schools. It's the end of August, and soon he'll be leaving me. To be honest, if I had known 10 months ago that I would've ended up feeling the way I do, I'm not sure if I would have been able to get into this relationship.Somehow, somewhere along our relationship, he became my best friend. I had never been more comfortable with anyone in my life. I never felt more at home or safer or happier with anyone else. I felt like my chest was glowing all the time. Often I would question if what I was feeling was the result a first real love or teenage hormones gone wild, but as more and more time passed, I concluded that what I was feeling was real.If I suddenly jumped back in time, I know I would've still chosen the relationship. No matter what. I grappled with the idea of our relationship ending nearly the entirety of the time we were together. I would sit there anticipating the heartbreak that was yet to come. Still, the idea of mutually assured destruction was in a way comforting. We were going to break each other. It was going to be scary and painful and awful. And beautiful.He and I had a conversation about breaking up now that we're only a few days away from it. The gist of the conversation was basically, "If this were any other time in our lives then..."I'm not sure why I'm posting this. Might delete it in case he sees it. He's on Reddit. We're keeping in contact. I can't imagine not having him in my life at all. I'm not sure how to do this. I like to think that if we're really meant for each other... then this time apart will just make us know. That this time apart won't even matter and that we'll find our way back to each other somehow. That might be a naive way to think. I don't know. If anyone has any input that might be helpful, I'd appreciate it more than I can say.