How to maintain erotic desire in a longterm relationship?

THANKS in advance for any help. I have been banging my head against the wall on this one.

I [26F] have been dating my bf [27M] for almost a year, and I have noticed that the closer we have become, my libido has decreased. (I've noticed this over the last 3-4 months or so) I adore him, I trust him, and he makes me so happy in every other way.

The sex was great when we first got together, I got horny so easily, and I was always thinking about sex. This was the norm for me historically while single or in short term/casual flings, but I have never gotten this close/stable/happy with someone.

In the past, I loved being a sub and letting the guy be really aggressive, and my boyfriend is totally onboard for that kind of play in the bedroom, but now the thought of my sweet, caring, thoughtful boyfriend tying me up and spanking me doesn't get me excited AT ALL.

I also rarely get horny/sex on the brain, and having sex feels more like a massage (i.e. it feels good, but I don't need it) than like the "I need this more than I need water or air" experience I am used to.

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Any ideas for how to both maintain a happy/safe/trusting relationship and also a strong libido?



Submitted August 19, 2019 at 11:34PM

THANKS in advance for any help. I have been banging my head against the wall on this one.I [26F] have been dating my bf [27M] for almost a year, and I have noticed that the closer we have become, my libido has decreased. (I've noticed this over the last 3-4 months or so) I adore him, I trust him, and he makes me so happy in every other way.The sex was great when we first got together, I got horny so easily, and I was always thinking about sex. This was the norm for me historically while single or in short term/casual flings, but I have never gotten this close/stable/happy with someone.In the past, I loved being a sub and letting the guy be really aggressive, and my boyfriend is totally onboard for that kind of play in the bedroom, but now the thought of my sweet, caring, thoughtful boyfriend tying me up and spanking me doesn't get me excited AT ALL.I also rarely get horny/sex on the brain, and having sex feels more like a massage (i.e. it feels good, but I don't need it) than like the "I need this more than I need water or air" experience I am used to.​Any ideas for how to both maintain a happy/safe/trusting relationship and also a strong libido?
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