Can a Madonna-Whore complex be cured? ;(

tHrOwAwAy AcCoUnT fOr ObViOuS rEaSoNs

So, growing up, I was dealing with a combination Mormonism, OCD and SSRI medications that made sexual desires/arousal difficult. That insane cult church teaches that even thinking sexual thoughts are akin to murder, so I would never let myself fantasize about any of a woman's body parts that lie underneath a bikini/underwear.

I had a few crushes. One I had when I was 15 and she was 16. She was SUPER cute, stereotypically attractive southern girl with shoulder-length dark brown hair. I had such a narrow understanding of sex that I barely knew what it was or how it worked, and sex never crossed my mind. Second crush: knew her since beginning of junior year in HS, started to develop a MAJOR crush on her two years later. She was the most beautiful woman on Earth in my mind, but I was repulsed at the idea of sex with her. Not that I wasn't attracted to her - she's a solid 9/10 and has done a lot of modeling work - but to even see her showing her stomach, I thought, would be very degrading and objectifying.

I had watched a bit of belly fetish/pregnancy porn starting when I was around... 15 or 16? And then, as I was watching more, it quickly evolved to me "just checking out" BBW porn, as it was another way for me to see a woman with a big belly. Fast forward to about two years ago (I'm 24 as of writing this), 95-99% of the women in my sexual fantasies are BBWs.

Now, I like to fantasize about having a relationship as well as fantasizing about sex, but I can never combine the two.

• I love to fantasize about having sex with bigger women - seeing the way their ass shakes, how much I'd love to slap/spank it, and how much I'd love to rub and hold onto their bigger belly, how much I'd love to pound them from behind, and sometimes talk in a degrading way to them. One of my big turn-ons is getting a bigger girl who has major insecurities about her stomach, and then just taking control, taking her shirt off, and kissing her all over her belly to "show" her how much I love her body and help her get over her insecurities. This may have something to do with taking advantage of a girl that is desperate/insecure - I'm not sure.
• Most of my fantasies about being cutesy and flirty with other women that I crush/on like involves stereotypically-attractive women; people of Daisy Ridley's body type, for example. I have ONLY had crushes, butterflies, happy/giddy feelings, etc. about skinnier women. But skinny women do not turn me on like bigger ones do. I occasionally canfeel a spark of sexual attraction, if I see them in skimpy clothes. I was at a swimming hole yesterday with my friend, and there was this one super-skinny girl there in a tiny thong, and I loved seeing her ass. But it's difficult for me to have sexual feelings toward skinny women (unless occasionally they're pregnant, bloated, or otherwise have a big belly).

I have made a lot of improvements in my life. My confidence and social skills are getting better and better every day, I've had two sexual partners, I've quit watching porn (which has honestly made me feel amazing), and I've been on 4 dates in the past 3 months. But I still have this problem. I've hooked up with two women before, both much bigger - and while I can find they're bodies VERY sexually attractive, I am not capable of seeing them as beautiful. I was at Target today and saw two bigger women - they HUGELY turned me on. And when I go on a date with a "beautiful/skinny" woman, I find her very beautiful to look at, but I cannot for the life of me EVER, EVER, EVER fantasize about being intimate with them, as the idea of that just seems so degrading and dehumanizing.

Help me, Reddit!

Submitted August 19, 2019 at 11:49PM

tHrOwAwAy AcCoUnT fOr ObViOuS rEaSoNsSo, growing up, I was dealing with a combination Mormonism, OCD and SSRI medications that made sexual desires/arousal difficult. That insane cult church teaches that even thinking sexual thoughts are akin to murder, so I would never let myself fantasize about any of a woman's body parts that lie underneath a bikini/underwear.I had a few crushes. One I had when I was 15 and she was 16. She was SUPER cute, stereotypically attractive southern girl with shoulder-length dark brown hair. I had such a narrow understanding of sex that I barely knew what it was or how it worked, and sex never crossed my mind. Second crush: knew her since beginning of junior year in HS, started to develop a MAJOR crush on her two years later. She was the most beautiful woman on Earth in my mind, but I was repulsed at the idea of sex with her. Not that I wasn't attracted to her - she's a solid 9/10 and has done a lot of modeling work - but to even see her showing her stomach, I thought, would be very degrading and objectifying.I had watched a bit of belly fetish/pregnancy porn starting when I was around... 15 or 16? And then, as I was watching more, it quickly evolved to me "just checking out" BBW porn, as it was another way for me to see a woman with a big belly. Fast forward to about two years ago (I'm 24 as of writing this), 95-99% of the women in my sexual fantasies are BBWs.Now, I like to fantasize about having a relationship as well as fantasizing about sex, but I can never combine the two.I love to fantasize about having sex with bigger women - seeing the way their ass shakes, how much I'd love to slap/spank it, and how much I'd love to rub and hold onto their bigger belly, how much I'd love to pound them from behind, and sometimes talk in a degrading way to them. One of my big turn-ons is getting a bigger girl who has major insecurities about her stomach, and then just taking control, taking her shirt off, and kissing her all over her belly to "show" her how much I love her body and help her get over her insecurities. This may have something to do with taking advantage of a girl that is desperate/insecure - I'm not sure.Most of my fantasies about being cutesy and flirty with other women that I crush/on like involves stereotypically-attractive women; people of Daisy Ridley's body type, for example. I have ONLY had crushes, butterflies, happy/giddy feelings, etc. about skinnier women. But skinny women do not turn me on like bigger ones do. I occasionally canfeel a spark of sexual attraction, if I see them in skimpy clothes. I was at a swimming hole yesterday with my friend, and there was this one super-skinny girl there in a tiny thong, and I loved seeing her ass. But it's difficult for me to have sexual feelings toward skinny women (unless occasionally they're pregnant, bloated, or otherwise have a big belly).I have made a lot of improvements in my life. My confidence and social skills are getting better and better every day, I've had two sexual partners, I've quit watching porn (which has honestly made me feel amazing), and I've been on 4 dates in the past 3 months. But I still have this problem. I've hooked up with two women before, both much bigger - and while I can find they're bodies VERY sexually attractive, I am not capable of seeing them as beautiful. I was at Target today and saw two bigger women - they HUGELY turned me on. And when I go on a date with a "beautiful/skinny" woman, I find her very beautiful to look at, but I cannot for the life of me EVER, EVER, EVER fantasize about being intimate with them, as the idea of that just seems so degrading and dehumanizing.Help me, Reddit!