Ended my 2 Year Relationship (28F) with my bf (29M) because of lack of intimacy.

We were together for 2 years. I have been communicating my needs so transparently to my boyfriend for all this time, specifically about the dead bedroom for the past year in total. Its destroyed my confidence in myself. I always did a full exercise to ensure I give him excuses before my anger and frustration builds up to a point where I lash out on some things.. Not a healthy solution, but was impossible for me to help it. I was agonizing over the pain and the constant rejection. I see how other people look at me, I receive a lot of attention but not from the person I want. I am only 28 and he is only 29. Having sex 2 times a month is NOT normal when we see each other 14 days a month. I have tiptoed around this conversation by doing this exercise:

1. Is there something stressing you at work/home/friends/our relationship?
2. Is there anything you fantasize about or want to try that you are too shy to tell me? Any fetishes? I am willing to try anything
3. The weed and alcohol must have an effect on this, please cut down?
4. Have you been masturbating, if so I know it might be too much to ask so please cut down? he said its not much to ask and that he would cut it down... but 6 times into this conversation this turned into "I need you to stop masturbating for good please. Sorry but seems like the only option"
5. Are you attracted to me at all? Its ok to say no even if you think it might hurt me. Just tell me the truth.
6. Do I not clean up well? Is there something wrong with me? Please tell me so I can work on it for us. Its embarrassing I know but please tell me.
7. I know this is too sensitive but I believe you need to see a doctor to check your hormone levels or testosterone levels
8. Do you not know or do I not make myself clear when I am in the mood?
9. Are you bored with me or the type of sex? Want me to dress up to spice things up?

I can not remember other points but there were more to this exercise. The answers were all negatory. Everything is "fine" with me and with him . But the lack of intimacy still remains unexplained? He never even tells me he loves me. He want as far as telling me that he thinks I should get a hobby or exercise to distract myself and release energy. I was offended but I tried. & realized this energy can only be released if I get intimate with him. He even told me one time that he likes it when things are more subtle? but I am always subtle. I dont push too much. Sex isnt obligatory but he's never in the mood. I even went as far as telling him we only do it when ur in the mood and thats only twice a month.... He responded with "yes of course thats when we will do it, when I am in the mood and not any other time? sometimes I prefer doing other things."

During the break up I asked if he thinks we should end things over this. He said no. I begged to differ. We were thinking of getting married soon and I told him people divorce over this. We cant be together. He used to tell me once he moves in with me things will pick up, but also contradicted himself when he tried to reason with me why we dont do it as often by saying "We dont do it as much because we see each other a lot!" but what will happen when he sees me everyday? What will happen when we have kids? what will happen when we are 40 or 60? no sex? this is only 2 years into the relationship... when I have a few outbursts out of frustration from this situation he called me toxic. which I was. Not proud of it. but he refused to see where this behaviour stems from. & refuses to take responsibility for his own "inaction"

He made me feel like I was a sex addict. I felt disgusting. I felt ashamed of my needs.

It was hard to walk away. But I needed to do it. I dont know what I am seeking out here, just wanted to share and get more perspective. Thanks for reading

tl;dr: Broke up with my 2 year boyfriend for lack of sex/ lack of wanting to try to resolve this particular. Journey to heal is going to be tough. Appreciate the insight

Submitted July 06, 2019 at 12:17AM

We were together for 2 years. I have been communicating my needs so transparently to my boyfriend for all this time, specifically about the dead bedroom for the past year in total. Its destroyed my confidence in myself. I always did a full exercise to ensure I give him excuses before my anger and frustration builds up to a point where I lash out on some things.. Not a healthy solution, but was impossible for me to help it. I was agonizing over the pain and the constant rejection. I see how other people look at me, I receive a lot of attention but not from the person I want. I am only 28 and he is only 29. Having sex 2 times a month is NOT normal when we see each other 14 days a month. I have tiptoed around this conversation by doing this exercise:Is there something stressing you at work/home/friends/our relationship?Is there anything you fantasize about or want to try that you are too shy to tell me? Any fetishes? I am willing to try anythingThe weed and alcohol must have an effect on this, please cut down?Have you been masturbating, if so I know it might be too much to ask so please cut down? he said its not much to ask and that he would cut it down... but 6 times into this conversation this turned into "I need you to stop masturbating for good please. Sorry but seems like the only option"Are you attracted to me at all? Its ok to say no even if you think it might hurt me. Just tell me the truth.Do I not clean up well? Is there something wrong with me? Please tell me so I can work on it for us. Its embarrassing I know but please tell me.I know this is too sensitive but I believe you need to see a doctor to check your hormone levels or testosterone levelsDo you not know or do I not make myself clear when I am in the mood?Are you bored with me or the type of sex? Want me to dress up to spice things up?I can not remember other points but there were more to this exercise. The answers were all negatory. Everything is "fine" with me and with him . But the lack of intimacy still remains unexplained? He never even tells me he loves me. He want as far as telling me that he thinks I should get a hobby or exercise to distract myself and release energy. I was offended but I tried. & realized this energy can only be released if I get intimate with him. He even told me one time that he likes it when things are more subtle? but I am always subtle. I dont push too much. Sex isnt obligatory but he's never in the mood. I even went as far as telling him we only do it when ur in the mood and thats only twice a month.... He responded with "yes of course thats when we will do it, when I am in the mood and not any other time? sometimes I prefer doing other things."During the break up I asked if he thinks we should end things over this. He said no. I begged to differ. We were thinking of getting married soon and I told him people divorce over this. We cant be together. He used to tell me once he moves in with me things will pick up, but also contradicted himself when he tried to reason with me why we dont do it as often by saying "We dont do it as much because we see each other a lot!" but what will happen when he sees me everyday? What will happen when we have kids? what will happen when we are 40 or 60? no sex? this is only 2 years into the relationship... when I have a few outbursts out of frustration from this situation he called me toxic. which I was. Not proud of it. but he refused to see where this behaviour stems from. & refuses to take responsibility for his own "inaction"He made me feel like I was a sex addict. I felt disgusting. I felt ashamed of my needs.It was hard to walk away. But I needed to do it. I dont know what I am seeking out here, just wanted to share and get more perspective. Thanks for readingtl;dr: Broke up with my 2 year boyfriend for lack of sex/ lack of wanting to try to resolve this particular. Journey to heal is going to be tough. Appreciate the insight