/u/JustARandomPinkBOT on Sometimes I wish that the Ace community would be more inclusive of non heteroromantic Aces

I get where you are coming from, but consider many straight (especially men) regardless of being ace or not are asked if they are (or are presumed to be) gay if they don't outwardly express sexual attraction to women. My brother is an excellent example of this. My dad wanted to take him to a "titty bar" when he was old enough, and when my brother refused because it made him uncomfortable, he was asked "I mean if you like guys I'm sure we could find one with guys." My dad would tell all his buddies at work about it because they thought it was funny. They started calling my brother "his gay son". My brother is straight as a board, he just simply didn't like the idea of being around a bunch of topless women while ogling them. This obviously isn't as bad as being hated for something you are, but it still hurt him to be mocked and teased for simply not being interested in something.

Secondly, (mild correction but I am a bit of a semantics nazi) I said "straight aces AREN'T heteronormative" not that they can't be. This is because people expect you to have sex or be interested in it at some point in life (but not gay sex because that's bad!) Benefiting from some aspects of heteronormativity doesn't mean you are heteronormative. Bi people in het relationships come to mind. I agree that we shouldn't think of straightness as incompatible with queerness as many queer people are more than one thing. Straight aces aren't less straight, which is why I didn't use that phrase in my comment. However I've had LGBTQ+ exclusionists shove the "you're straight so shut up" in my face. I've been called "a creepy straight girl that can't get laid" when I was discussing asexual history being tied to bi history. I've been told "what do straight aces face that straight allo virgins don't" when simply discussing asexual issues. So you can imagine I get a little bit of a knee-jerk reaction from being addressed as such because I'm so used to "straight ace" being an exclusionist dogwhistle. I mentally prepare to have my asexual experiences and identity erased, and my voice silenced.

I simply believe and stand by asexuals are queer and non-heteronormative by being ace. I don't think it makes you more or less gay or straight because those are orientations. Either you are or you aren't.





December 04, 2021 at 11:12PM
Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Add Comments, Posts, Links... etc.

Popular posts from this blog

The difference between being right and being understood

My boyfriend and I are 28. We’ve been together for about 1.5 years and recently moved in together. He’s a pretty patient and easygoing person (Type B) whereas I’m more particular (Type A). Of course there are two sides to every trait, and my Type A nature benefits us in some ways too. Like all couples, we have differences in perspective or preference. When this happens, he will usually say something like “I disagree (with your perspective) but fine.” I tend to push the issue in an attempt to get him to understand where I’m coming from. This escalates the disagreement into a fight because he perceives it as me trying to be “right”. I truly just want to be understood (and I want to understand where he’s coming from) so I’m looking for more of a dialogue whereas he avoids conflict and just wants it to be over as quickly as possible. His general approach is “agree to disagree” but that doesn’t make sense to me when it’s an issue that will keep coming up and requires compromise. I’m n
Read more

My (27f) gf (27f) is getting tired of me not sharing intimate/ personal info about me

I’ve always been extremely private and introverted. We have more than a year together and we’ve been living together for like 6 months, we get along pretty good and I’m really in love with her, however I can not seem to open up... and I can tell it’s frustrating to her by the way she tells me it bothers her that she feels she’s the only one committed and the one that’s always sharing... At this point I don’t even know if it is that I’ve gotten too used to it, to the point I’ve became lazy to talk about myself or give any genuine personal opinion... it sucks, really, I need to communicate better... Where do I start? Tl;dr: I can’t be completely intimate with my gf and its frustrating her, I need to communicate better because I really love her... where to start? Submitted April 25, 2019 at 06:02AM I’ve always been extremely private and introverted. We have more than a year together and we’ve been living together for like 6 months, we get along pretty good and I’m really in love
Read more

My (23M) girlfriend (25F) relationship is confusing to me. I might be the problem, or maybe we are just incompatible.

I met my girlfriend after a few serious breakups that led me to change both intentionally and unintentionally over a few years. For better and for worse. She had just gotten out of an engagement with a verbally and physically abusive man who had a cocaine problem. We have been together about 8 months now. We hit it off and spent a lot of time together but she began to push our relationship as if there were a time clock for milestones. I was pressed beyond my comfort zone and went with it because of my affection for her. My living situation fell apart and I lost a few thousand dollars to shit roommates right around the time she and I met and she offered to let me stay with her. I agreed with some resistance. I pay for food, help her with bills, and throw money toward rent while trying to get back on my feet. As long as we have been together she has gotten more possessive, angry, and irrational. She is dealing with shit from her engagement and I feel shes looking for a level of seriou
Read more