/u/JustARandomPinkBOT on Sometimes I wish that the Ace community would be more inclusive of non heteroromantic Aces

I get where you are coming from, but consider many straight (especially men) regardless of being ace or not are asked if they are (or are presumed to be) gay if they don't outwardly express sexual attraction to women. My brother is an excellent example of this. My dad wanted to take him to a "titty bar" when he was old enough, and when my brother refused because it made him uncomfortable, he was asked "I mean if you like guys I'm sure we could find one with guys." My dad would tell all his buddies at work about it because they thought it was funny. They started calling my brother "his gay son". My brother is straight as a board, he just simply didn't like the idea of being around a bunch of topless women while ogling them. This obviously isn't as bad as being hated for something you are, but it still hurt him to be mocked and teased for simply not being interested in something.

Secondly, (mild correction but I am a bit of a semantics nazi) I said "straight aces AREN'T heteronormative" not that they can't be. This is because people expect you to have sex or be interested in it at some point in life (but not gay sex because that's bad!) Benefiting from some aspects of heteronormativity doesn't mean you are heteronormative. Bi people in het relationships come to mind. I agree that we shouldn't think of straightness as incompatible with queerness as many queer people are more than one thing. Straight aces aren't less straight, which is why I didn't use that phrase in my comment. However I've had LGBTQ+ exclusionists shove the "you're straight so shut up" in my face. I've been called "a creepy straight girl that can't get laid" when I was discussing asexual history being tied to bi history. I've been told "what do straight aces face that straight allo virgins don't" when simply discussing asexual issues. So you can imagine I get a little bit of a knee-jerk reaction from being addressed as such because I'm so used to "straight ace" being an exclusionist dogwhistle. I mentally prepare to have my asexual experiences and identity erased, and my voice silenced.

I simply believe and stand by asexuals are queer and non-heteronormative by being ace. I don't think it makes you more or less gay or straight because those are orientations. Either you are or you aren't.





December 04, 2021 at 11:12PM
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