Sex life with partner of 6 years sucks, anyone that knows what to do?

Hi.. uhm, this is rather awkward for me to post about so bear with me 🐻 i really don't know where to go with this and i can't handle much more.

I (F) have been with my partner (M) for 6 years now, we are both in our 20's albeit he is a few years older than me.

Back in the day we would fuck 3 times a day with him initiating and being very dominant. I'm talking pushing me into walls, teasing me by biting my neck, feeling me up in public, making it obvious he was hard for me, bdsm related activities, you name it. He'd only have to look at me the wrong way and I'd be turned on instantaneously. God it was so good... :/

The issue right now is as follows; - He never initiates anymore - he doesn't make out with me anymore, only small pecks if i ask for it.. - he doesn't tease me anymore - he doesn't do any foreplay - sex doesn't happen anymore, if i really push it it happens once every 2 weeks - I have to ask for EVERYTHING, no spontaneity at all. This isn't just sexual things.. even something as simple as a kiss i have to ask for. - he says he has forgotten about everything I used to like - he doesn't remember what to do - he was NEVER interested in learning how to give me a clitoral orgasm, and when he finally agreed to practicing he complains to me that it hurts to make the motions, he has since stopped working on learning. (I am a very patient person and i communicate clearly) - in the past he's called me not hot enough and he's cheated which made my self esteem plummet to abysmally low levels. Him not wanting me now only strengthens that feeling further. He has also called is exes hotter back then and constantly compared me, this still makes me feel insecure now, a few years later even.. - when i do help myself with a vibrator he rolls away from me - he is distant towards me - he complains about everything - He doesn't initiate, so i try to. Whenever I do he often turns me down

He says the reason for it isn't me now, and that he has a bunch of physical and mental ailments. One day he feels an unexplainable muscle ache, the other day he is tired, then it's a headache, diarrhea, then he is depressed, tonight it was "i feel like an insomniac"?? And "my legs feel like they are on fire". It's just a constant stream of negativity, towards everything, including me. When I tell him to visit a doctor he procrastinates on that as long as he can. He's got an appointment now on Friday because this stuff is getting out of hand and i also want him to feel better.

I just feel so unwanted. I've gained a bit of weight after a massive surgery and I feel all kinds of fucked up and not good enough. He tells me that is not the case and that he wants me. I've tried everything. Talking about what i want , showing him, not doing anything for a while, helping myself, etc. I just doubt that what he says is true. Ever since I've had surgery he miraculously forgot everything I used to like and i feel like i don't deserve it anymore. I'm just so painfully insecure because this has been going on way too long and i don't know what to do to make it better..?

Submitted December 15, 2021 at 01:56AM

Hi.. uhm, this is rather awkward for me to post about so bear with me 🐻 i really don't know where to go with this and i can't handle much more.I (F) have been with my partner (M) for 6 years now, we are both in our 20's albeit he is a few years older than me.Back in the day we would fuck 3 times a day with him initiating and being very dominant. I'm talking pushing me into walls, teasing me by biting my neck, feeling me up in public, making it obvious he was hard for me, bdsm related activities, you name it. He'd only have to look at me the wrong way and I'd be turned on instantaneously. God it was so good... :/The issue right now is as follows; - He never initiates anymore - he doesn't make out with me anymore, only small pecks if i ask for it.. - he doesn't tease me anymore - he doesn't do any foreplay - sex doesn't happen anymore, if i really push it it happens once every 2 weeks - I have to ask for EVERYTHING, no spontaneity at all. This isn't just sexual things.. even something as simple as a kiss i have to ask for. - he says he has forgotten about everything I used to like - he doesn't remember what to do - he was NEVER interested in learning how to give me a clitoral orgasm, and when he finally agreed to practicing he complains to me that it hurts to make the motions, he has since stopped working on learning. (I am a very patient person and i communicate clearly) - in the past he's called me not hot enough and he's cheated which made my self esteem plummet to abysmally low levels. Him not wanting me now only strengthens that feeling further. He has also called is exes hotter back then and constantly compared me, this still makes me feel insecure now, a few years later even.. - when i do help myself with a vibrator he rolls away from me - he is distant towards me - he complains about everything - He doesn't initiate, so i try to. Whenever I do he often turns me downHe says the reason for it isn't me now, and that he has a bunch of physical and mental ailments. One day he feels an unexplainable muscle ache, the other day he is tired, then it's a headache, diarrhea, then he is depressed, tonight it was "i feel like an insomniac"?? And "my legs feel like they are on fire". It's just a constant stream of negativity, towards everything, including me. When I tell him to visit a doctor he procrastinates on that as long as he can. He's got an appointment now on Friday because this stuff is getting out of hand and i also want him to feel better.I just feel so unwanted. I've gained a bit of weight after a massive surgery and I feel all kinds of fucked up and not good enough. He tells me that is not the case and that he wants me. I've tried everything. Talking about what i want , showing him, not doing anything for a while, helping myself, etc. I just doubt that what he says is true. Ever since I've had surgery he miraculously forgot everything I used to like and i feel like i don't deserve it anymore. I'm just so painfully insecure because this has been going on way too long and i don't know what to do to make it better..?