Is it okay for me (22F) to ask out an older guy (44M) that I met recently?

I'm a University student and I just turned 22 years old. My biggest passion is the card game bridge, and I recently started playing at my local bridge club. I'm the youngest person there by a reasonable amount.

The first time I went, I played against this guy who is 44 years old. We chatted after the session and I felt like we had a bit of a spark.

That was about two months ago, and since then I've been hoping to see him again at the bridge club but he hasn't been at any sessions. Some of the other players mentioned him occasionally and alluded to him being very busy. Then last week, I attended a social gathering hosted by the club and I was really excited to see he was also there.

I had a blast chatting to him and was even gearing up to ask if I could buy him a drink (there was a bar at the event). Before I could ask, he told me he couldn't stay at the event long and was leaving soon. I still had a nice time talking to him, and before he left I told him to let me know if he ever wants to play together.

I also asked how he had been and why I hadn't seen him around recently. I found out that a close friend of his has died a little while ago and that he's been very busy.

That was the last time we spoke, and I will probably not see him for a while. I am going away to visit family over the holidays and won't get to play at the club again until the new year.

I'm wondering if it's appropriate for me to ask him out at some point or to try and pursue anything with him. I'm also not 100% sure of his relationship status, I know he's not married but I don't know if he's single or not.

I'm completely unbothered by the age difference - to be honest just I'm excited about meeting someone I like a lot as I really struggle to find people I'm attracted to and want to date. I have dated here and there, but most of the time I find people really immature. I don't mean to try and come off as conceited or stuck up, but I often feel lonely around my friends and people my age (which is mostly who at meet as a university student). I think it's probably because I've been doing therapy for a long time, over a quarter of my life. I absolutely love therapy and I think it has had an overwhelmingly positive impact on me, but sometimes I just feel world's away from my peers in terms of emotional intelligence and maturity. It feels even more amplified when I try and date, half the time I feel like I'm baby sitting. I even (briefly) dated a guy in his early 30s and was deeply disappointed by his lack of maturity.

I'm wondering if it would be appropriate for me to ask out this guy I've met. I'm not used to asking people out, and I'm not even sure how I would do it. The only way of contacting him I have is by email which does not feel like a super appropriate way of asking someone out. I'm also worried if I ask him out and he turns me down, I'll be too embarrassed to play at the bridge club anymore.

He is significantly older than me so I don't want to make him uncomfortable. I felt like we had a lot of chemistry, but I'm worried I could be way off the mark - he's very charming and funny so he might just get on famously with everyone. He also seems very busy at the moment and I don't want to bother him, especially as he's been dealing with a bereavement.

But I so rarely meet people I like this much that it feels insane to do nothing!

I tried talking to a friend about it to ask for their perspective, and they just made a million jokes about the age difference and sort of treated me like I was being silly.

So any advice is welcome and much appreciated!

TLDR - I, a 22F university student met a 44M two months ago. I felt like we hit it off but haven't spoken to him all that much. He seems quite busy and has lost a dear friend fairly recently. Would it be appropriate for me to ask him out or try and pursue anything with him, or should I just let it go?

Submitted December 06, 2021 at 01:15AM

I'm a University student and I just turned 22 years old. My biggest passion is the card game bridge, and I recently started playing at my local bridge club. I'm the youngest person there by a reasonable amount.The first time I went, I played against this guy who is 44 years old. We chatted after the session and I felt like we had a bit of a spark.That was about two months ago, and since then I've been hoping to see him again at the bridge club but he hasn't been at any sessions. Some of the other players mentioned him occasionally and alluded to him being very busy. Then last week, I attended a social gathering hosted by the club and I was really excited to see he was also there.I had a blast chatting to him and was even gearing up to ask if I could buy him a drink (there was a bar at the event). Before I could ask, he told me he couldn't stay at the event long and was leaving soon. I still had a nice time talking to him, and before he left I told him to let me know if he ever wants to play together.I also asked how he had been and why I hadn't seen him around recently. I found out that a close friend of his has died a little while ago and that he's been very busy.That was the last time we spoke, and I will probably not see him for a while. I am going away to visit family over the holidays and won't get to play at the club again until the new year.I'm wondering if it's appropriate for me to ask him out at some point or to try and pursue anything with him. I'm also not 100% sure of his relationship status, I know he's not married but I don't know if he's single or not.I'm completely unbothered by the age difference - to be honest just I'm excited about meeting someone I like a lot as I really struggle to find people I'm attracted to and want to date. I have dated here and there, but most of the time I find people really immature. I don't mean to try and come off as conceited or stuck up, but I often feel lonely around my friends and people my age (which is mostly who at meet as a university student). I think it's probably because I've been doing therapy for a long time, over a quarter of my life. I absolutely love therapy and I think it has had an overwhelmingly positive impact on me, but sometimes I just feel world's away from my peers in terms of emotional intelligence and maturity. It feels even more amplified when I try and date, half the time I feel like I'm baby sitting. I even (briefly) dated a guy in his early 30s and was deeply disappointed by his lack of maturity.I'm wondering if it would be appropriate for me to ask out this guy I've met. I'm not used to asking people out, and I'm not even sure how I would do it. The only way of contacting him I have is by email which does not feel like a super appropriate way of asking someone out. I'm also worried if I ask him out and he turns me down, I'll be too embarrassed to play at the bridge club anymore.He is significantly older than me so I don't want to make him uncomfortable. I felt like we had a lot of chemistry, but I'm worried I could be way off the mark - he's very charming and funny so he might just get on famously with everyone. He also seems very busy at the moment and I don't want to bother him, especially as he's been dealing with a bereavement.But I so rarely meet people I like this much that it feels insane to do nothing!I tried talking to a friend about it to ask for their perspective, and they just made a million jokes about the age difference and sort of treated me like I was being silly.So any advice is welcome and much appreciated!TLDR - I, a 22F university student met a 44M two months ago. I felt like we hit it off but haven't spoken to him all that much. He seems quite busy and has lost a dear friend fairly recently. Would it be appropriate for me to ask him out or try and pursue anything with him, or should I just let it go?