Transitioning from toxic to healthy after years of being single

I’m a 22F that has been in 3 serious relationships and each one very different from the last. My first two weren’t exactly in classic terms of toxic but there was a lot of secrets kept and when starting the relationships we were friends first so it was an easy transition into dating. My third relationship was the definition of toxic, after our first week of dating I spent the night at his house every single night for months. He would always accuse me of cheating, always make make me feel like I was in trouble for my past, so I tried to become someone I wasn’t to please him. After that relationship ended, I was single for going in two years to heal myself and make sure that I was ready for a relationship when the time would arise. Well I’ve dated that past few months but it was always “situationships”, the guy didn’t want a real relationship and I called it off before I allowed my feelings to become too involved for the sake of my mental health and heart. Now I’ve met this man who is far from my type, someone I would have never seen myself being interested in and here I am wanting to spend every day with him. Now that I’m in a mutual relationship with someone, I’m starting to realize that I still carry a lot insecurity from the past. I’ve talked about this with him so we have good communication but I still find myself worrying that I will sabotage what we have because of the insecurity. I’ve come a very far way but I know I still have so much to learn. If anyone has any books/movies/shows or just flat out advise to give, I would greatly appreciate it.

Submitted November 15, 2021 at 12:05AM

I’m a 22F that has been in 3 serious relationships and each one very different from the last. My first two weren’t exactly in classic terms of toxic but there was a lot of secrets kept and when starting the relationships we were friends first so it was an easy transition into dating. My third relationship was the definition of toxic, after our first week of dating I spent the night at his house every single night for months. He would always accuse me of cheating, always make make me feel like I was in trouble for my past, so I tried to become someone I wasn’t to please him. After that relationship ended, I was single for going in two years to heal myself and make sure that I was ready for a relationship when the time would arise. Well I’ve dated that past few months but it was always “situationships”, the guy didn’t want a real relationship and I called it off before I allowed my feelings to become too involved for the sake of my mental health and heart. Now I’ve met this man who is far from my type, someone I would have never seen myself being interested in and here I am wanting to spend every day with him. Now that I’m in a mutual relationship with someone, I’m starting to realize that I still carry a lot insecurity from the past. I’ve talked about this with him so we have good communication but I still find myself worrying that I will sabotage what we have because of the insecurity. I’ve come a very far way but I know I still have so much to learn. If anyone has any books/movies/shows or just flat out advise to give, I would greatly appreciate it.