how to help my boyfriend gain confidence/top?

hey reddit, going to keep this one very short and sweet. i’ll have leave a lot of things out, but suffice to say i love my boyfriend very, very much — the only issues are in the bedroom.

my boyfriend has a lot of difficulty initiating sex. he will often start touching me, like running his hands over my legs and torso, but it never progresses past there. even if i position myself so his hand is between my legs, even if i’m receptive and arch my body towards him — he’ll keep touching for a few minutes but nothing ever happens after that. it’s begun to feel like if i want sex to happen i have to be the one to get on top/suck his dick/take all the control basically. if i don’t, nothing happens. so many nights have passed where we just kiss and touch over the clothes until i literally get so bored i’m turned off, and frustrated.

to be clear, the first months of our relationship i really put in effort to initiate and get sex started. i would almost always go down to get him hard and then get on top. this gets old very fast — but he had much less sexual experience than me, and performance anxiety, so i did my best to be supportive + take the lead.

however, now, i’ll be blunt: i don’t want to be on top all the time anymore, and i’m tired of being the one to “start” sex by giving blowjobs (often flaccid ones to start….). for once i would like someone to start sex and take control from start to finish. i’m a bottom at heart and i want to feel absolutely used and ravaged. when it’s up to my boyfriend, the foreplay is aimless and interminable unless i take control. help!!



Submitted November 15, 2021 at 12:55AM

hey reddit, going to keep this one very short and sweet. i’ll have leave a lot of things out, but suffice to say i love my boyfriend very, very much — the only issues are in the bedroom.my boyfriend has a lot of difficulty initiating sex. he will often start touching me, like running his hands over my legs and torso, but it never progresses past there. even if i position myself so his hand is between my legs, even if i’m receptive and arch my body towards him — he’ll keep touching for a few minutes but nothing ever happens after that. it’s begun to feel like if i want sex to happen i have to be the one to get on top/suck his dick/take all the control basically. if i don’t, nothing happens. so many nights have passed where we just kiss and touch over the clothes until i literally get so bored i’m turned off, and frustrated.to be clear, the first months of our relationship i really put in effort to initiate and get sex started. i would almost always go down to get him hard and then get on top. this gets old very fast — but he had much less sexual experience than me, and performance anxiety, so i did my best to be supportive + take the lead.however, now, i’ll be blunt: i don’t want to be on top all the time anymore, and i’m tired of being the one to “start” sex by giving blowjobs (often flaccid ones to start….). for once i would like someone to start sex and take control from start to finish. i’m a bottom at heart and i want to feel absolutely used and ravaged. when it’s up to my boyfriend, the foreplay is aimless and interminable unless i take control. help!!
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