What am I doing wrong?

Hi I'm on here seeking both advice and a place to vent some of my emotions.

I'm M(17) and this girl I'm talking to is F(15). I'm a senior and she's a sophomore. I hope I don't make any of you uncomfortable because I'm underage. Anyways onto the story.

Let's call her K. So about two weeks ago me and K hung out closely for the first time (we knew each other a few months before this) after a few days of hanging out all day every day, I started to catch feelings. Then I realized she had feelings for me too, so I decided to admit my feelings and she said it was mutual. I told her that I didn't want to start dating yet because I wanted to get to know her more as a friend before things escalated. She said she'd prefer that, so everything went perfect. It wasn't until she started talking about her ex, let's call him J. J would ask some of the creepiest questions over text. For example, he asked her what she'd do if she saw him naked, he asked for nudes, he asked for a blowjob. Now I understand that he's probably horny, but holy shit the stuff he's saying is just wrong! I was suprised to hear that she was still texting him after her showing me his texts.

Now onto her family. She lives in a pretty chaotic household, which I find oddly charming. Her mom is very colorful, literally-her hair is dyed blue and she's really funny. Her dad has some medical issues so he's normally on the couch playing dead by daylight which happens to by my favorite game. I'm also in football and baseball and he's the announcer for both sports so I know him through that and we also get along through that. Her grandma is stuck home because of serious medical problems aswell as age, but she's very kind hearted and wants the best for her family. Her little brother, 12, and I get along perfectly. Everytime I go over we play pool and just kinda hang out.

Now onto the relationship itself. Me and K have been hanging out quite a lot for about 2 weeks. Anytime she goes to the city she invites me and I have a great time just tagging along. Then this past weekend she asked me to spend the night. Now I've never spent the night at a girls house before but I thought, why not, it might be fun, so I said sure. We stayed in the upstairs living room and there was one couch and one recliner. She said I could take the couch because she prefers the recliner, so I said sure. Then we started playfully arguing and she kicked me off of the couch and told me to stay on the recliner. I said that was mean of her, and that I wanted the couch. She scooted over exposing a space between her and the couch backrest. She said there's room for both of us, so I laid down and we cuddled for the rest of the night until we fell asleep. That immediately told me that we're more than friends now. The next night I told her that I was ready to move things to the next step, she said she doesn't want to be my girlfriend yet, I said okay, but I'd like to be out of the friendzone. I asked her what she wants so that we can be on the same page. She said she doesn't know what she wants. Now I'd be lying if I said that didn't upset me because I thought by her asking me to cuddle with her then that was a signal she was giving. I said let's just stay as friends because I knew I couldn't force her into any emotional relationship.

So last night, apparently she got into a huge fight with her parents. She texted me asking if she can stay with me at my apartment. I said she's more than welcome but I asked if everything was okay. She said not really but didn't want to talk about it. I said I'd set up the bed for her and leave her to her space and try not to bother her because she seemed pretty stressed out. Well an hour later, she hadn't shown up, so I messaged her and she said she figured it out. I texted her brother because I thought maybe he could answer a few of my questions. He basically told me about the fight their family had and how she left the house. I said she asked to stay at my place but she never came. Then he said she went to J's place instead. I was extremely hurt when he told me that. Her family talks about how they don't like J and how they much rather have me in her life, and I know it sounds like I'm making myself sound like such a Saint, but I really like her family so I want then to like me back. Her best friend said she thinks I'm a perfect match for K, both of her grandma's said the same! It basically felt like we had something special. But apparently not. I asked her brother if he wanted me to go over to his place and play pool to try and take his mind off of his family fighting (I know what it's like and how it helps to just have a friend to talk about it with). He said sure but he needs to do his math hw. He asked if I could help so I went to their place and spent the next couple of hours tutoring him and finishing it off with a game of pool. I didn't leave until midnight but on my way home i felt great. It felt like even if K doesn't appreciate me, atleast her family does.

Then today I was talking about things with her best friend and she said that K was trying to end things with J and that K does want to be with me but doesn't want to move ahead until she's dropped J. I don't know how I feel about this if I'm being honest because I've been feeling really betrayed and quite lonely.

Update: It's been two days since she decided to stay at J's place. Her little brother had been in a bad mood because of his family arguing so I decided to drop by and try and cheer him up. We played some pool again, then video games. Then she messaged me...she said she's sorry but she just doesn't feel that way towards me. She doesn't want to lead me on anymore and just wants to stay friends. And not escalate at all. She said all of this while at J's place so I assume she decided she wanted to be with him. I was honestly pretty broken when she sent that but I had to put a happy face so I don't make her brother feel worse. The next day at school she asked me to do her a favor and hand a paper to one of her teachers because he was in the middle of class and she didn't want to interrupt him. I decided she doesn't deserve my help, so I tried to play it off like I was busy and in the middle of something. I acted like I wasn't upset but holy shit, the fucking audacity. I laughed it off but on the inside I was genuinely upset. It's been a few days since we last spoke and I feel so lonely now. The withdrawal of not hanging out with her and just being around her honestly hurts. I know she doesn't deserve my efforts anymore, but I miss her...or atleast I miss being around someone who cares about me in a way that's more than just a friend.

So does anyone have any advice or words of wisdom, they'd all be much appreciated:)

Submitted October 30, 2021 at 12:11AM

Hi I'm on here seeking both advice and a place to vent some of my emotions.I'm M(17) and this girl I'm talking to is F(15). I'm a senior and she's a sophomore. I hope I don't make any of you uncomfortable because I'm underage. Anyways onto the story.Let's call her K. So about two weeks ago me and K hung out closely for the first time (we knew each other a few months before this) after a few days of hanging out all day every day, I started to catch feelings. Then I realized she had feelings for me too, so I decided to admit my feelings and she said it was mutual. I told her that I didn't want to start dating yet because I wanted to get to know her more as a friend before things escalated. She said she'd prefer that, so everything went perfect. It wasn't until she started talking about her ex, let's call him J. J would ask some of the creepiest questions over text. For example, he asked her what she'd do if she saw him naked, he asked for nudes, he asked for a blowjob. Now I understand that he's probably horny, but holy shit the stuff he's saying is just wrong! I was suprised to hear that she was still texting him after her showing me his texts.Now onto her family. She lives in a pretty chaotic household, which I find oddly charming. Her mom is very colorful, literally-her hair is dyed blue and she's really funny. Her dad has some medical issues so he's normally on the couch playing dead by daylight which happens to by my favorite game. I'm also in football and baseball and he's the announcer for both sports so I know him through that and we also get along through that. Her grandma is stuck home because of serious medical problems aswell as age, but she's very kind hearted and wants the best for her family. Her little brother, 12, and I get along perfectly. Everytime I go over we play pool and just kinda hang out.Now onto the relationship itself. Me and K have been hanging out quite a lot for about 2 weeks. Anytime she goes to the city she invites me and I have a great time just tagging along. Then this past weekend she asked me to spend the night. Now I've never spent the night at a girls house before but I thought, why not, it might be fun, so I said sure. We stayed in the upstairs living room and there was one couch and one recliner. She said I could take the couch because she prefers the recliner, so I said sure. Then we started playfully arguing and she kicked me off of the couch and told me to stay on the recliner. I said that was mean of her, and that I wanted the couch. She scooted over exposing a space between her and the couch backrest. She said there's room for both of us, so I laid down and we cuddled for the rest of the night until we fell asleep. That immediately told me that we're more than friends now. The next night I told her that I was ready to move things to the next step, she said she doesn't want to be my girlfriend yet, I said okay, but I'd like to be out of the friendzone. I asked her what she wants so that we can be on the same page. She said she doesn't know what she wants. Now I'd be lying if I said that didn't upset me because I thought by her asking me to cuddle with her then that was a signal she was giving. I said let's just stay as friends because I knew I couldn't force her into any emotional relationship.So last night, apparently she got into a huge fight with her parents. She texted me asking if she can stay with me at my apartment. I said she's more than welcome but I asked if everything was okay. She said not really but didn't want to talk about it. I said I'd set up the bed for her and leave her to her space and try not to bother her because she seemed pretty stressed out. Well an hour later, she hadn't shown up, so I messaged her and she said she figured it out. I texted her brother because I thought maybe he could answer a few of my questions. He basically told me about the fight their family had and how she left the house. I said she asked to stay at my place but she never came. Then he said she went to J's place instead. I was extremely hurt when he told me that. Her family talks about how they don't like J and how they much rather have me in her life, and I know it sounds like I'm making myself sound like such a Saint, but I really like her family so I want then to like me back. Her best friend said she thinks I'm a perfect match for K, both of her grandma's said the same! It basically felt like we had something special. But apparently not. I asked her brother if he wanted me to go over to his place and play pool to try and take his mind off of his family fighting (I know what it's like and how it helps to just have a friend to talk about it with). He said sure but he needs to do his math hw. He asked if I could help so I went to their place and spent the next couple of hours tutoring him and finishing it off with a game of pool. I didn't leave until midnight but on my way home i felt great. It felt like even if K doesn't appreciate me, atleast her family does.Then today I was talking about things with her best friend and she said that K was trying to end things with J and that K does want to be with me but doesn't want to move ahead until she's dropped J. I don't know how I feel about this if I'm being honest because I've been feeling really betrayed and quite lonely.Update: It's been two days since she decided to stay at J's place. Her little brother had been in a bad mood because of his family arguing so I decided to drop by and try and cheer him up. We played some pool again, then video games. Then she messaged me...she said she's sorry but she just doesn't feel that way towards me. She doesn't want to lead me on anymore and just wants to stay friends. And not escalate at all. She said all of this while at J's place so I assume she decided she wanted to be with him. I was honestly pretty broken when she sent that but I had to put a happy face so I don't make her brother feel worse. The next day at school she asked me to do her a favor and hand a paper to one of her teachers because he was in the middle of class and she didn't want to interrupt him. I decided she doesn't deserve my help, so I tried to play it off like I was busy and in the middle of something. I acted like I wasn't upset but holy shit, the fucking audacity. I laughed it off but on the inside I was genuinely upset. It's been a few days since we last spoke and I feel so lonely now. The withdrawal of not hanging out with her and just being around her honestly hurts. I know she doesn't deserve my efforts anymore, but I miss her...or atleast I miss being around someone who cares about me in a way that's more than just a friend.So does anyone have any advice or words of wisdom, they'd all be much appreciated:)