I haven't been able to cum during sex in years with this partner of mine. I think it's because I need to go slow. (Male) any advice?

22 male, I've been able to in the past , but over the last like 3 years i just haven't been able to. My "sex pool" hasn't been diverse recently though so maybe it's just a compatibility issue. So I'm about to talk about the main person I've been sleeping with over the last few years. There's one other but it was a one time thing.

I think the issue is that I take a bit of time to build up, and then combine that with the fact that I like slow sex during the build up because I feel it more. When going fast I don't really feel much of anything unless I'm close to cumming and then the speed actually is neccessary and gets me over the edge.

But I feel 2 sets of pressure. 1 is to try and please the girl as much as possible and make sure they orgasm atleast once. Typically they say I've made them cum a few times by the end of a session. But considering lying about orgasming as a woman is practically common practice I find it hard to just go off them saying "they're Cumming" and then focusing on only me after. Combine that with the second pressure of feeling well pressured to cum asap making it more difficult as well.

Issue is that if I focus on making her cum first. After going rough for like 30 minutes she'll begin feeling sore , and it's like now I don't have any time to try and build myself up even if I'm going slow. Because at that point she's already sore and now I have this pressure to take as short amount of time as possible for her sake.

I suppose I could just eat her out for a really long time to build my confidence that I've pleasured her and then focus on myself during intercorse but I still feel obligated to make the penetration as enjoyable as possible. It's like I go slow for like a minute or so and can tell I'm not pleasing her super well and speed up but then I run out of energy for like 10 seconds and that break just gets rid of the built up climax I was trying to reach. Rinse and repeat. I feel like I know for sure if I wasn't pressured to cum fast that I'd be able to in 4-8 minutes of going at the pace I want.

She doesn't give great head in many ways , one of which being she focuses on going deep and stuff way too early so she tires herself out before I reach the finish line , I try telling her to just take it easy until I'm beginning to climax so she has the energy and lack of Lockjaw to pull it off. But she still seems to not really understand and will take a bunch of breaks after like a minute of pleasing me. When really all I need is like 4 consistent minutes of mostly hand and tip sucking to get off (sorry for the graphic imagery) it's the lack of consistent pleasure that does it.

So I feel like I'm at a place where I don't really enjoy sex with her. Not even because of the "blue balls" but rather because the intercourse itself isn't pleasurable. And my pride or maybe ego rather can't handle just focusing on me and going slow when I know she doesn't really enjoy that much at all.

Can I get some advice about how to reach climax during intercourse besides just going slow for a while and steadily building up? Or is that really the only option? Is there anyway to feel fast sex more? Like to actually feel the sensations? I suppose I could communicate more with her but like I've done more than just drop hints. Sure I haven't been super assertive but I have vocalized how I think this is the issue.

Also sorry if this is tmi but I feel this context may be neccessary , my length is 7.5 inches and my girth is 6 inches. So it's not because I have a small penis that slow sex isn't enjoyable for her. And I do masturbate regularly but that's not gonna be given up just so when I see this friend of mine I may be able to cum because I've tried this before and it didn't work and I dont consider it worth it when it's not like I'm sleeping with her more than a few times a month, and it's not even for sure gonna work. So giving up masturbation just for the off chance one of the few times I sleep with her a month I may be able to cum I don't consider worth it.

Submitted October 25, 2021 at 12:48AM

22 male, I've been able to in the past , but over the last like 3 years i just haven't been able to. My "sex pool" hasn't been diverse recently though so maybe it's just a compatibility issue. So I'm about to talk about the main person I've been sleeping with over the last few years. There's one other but it was a one time thing.I think the issue is that I take a bit of time to build up, and then combine that with the fact that I like slow sex during the build up because I feel it more. When going fast I don't really feel much of anything unless I'm close to cumming and then the speed actually is neccessary and gets me over the edge.But I feel 2 sets of pressure. 1 is to try and please the girl as much as possible and make sure they orgasm atleast once. Typically they say I've made them cum a few times by the end of a session. But considering lying about orgasming as a woman is practically common practice I find it hard to just go off them saying "they're Cumming" and then focusing on only me after. Combine that with the second pressure of feeling well pressured to cum asap making it more difficult as well.Issue is that if I focus on making her cum first. After going rough for like 30 minutes she'll begin feeling sore , and it's like now I don't have any time to try and build myself up even if I'm going slow. Because at that point she's already sore and now I have this pressure to take as short amount of time as possible for her sake.I suppose I could just eat her out for a really long time to build my confidence that I've pleasured her and then focus on myself during intercorse but I still feel obligated to make the penetration as enjoyable as possible. It's like I go slow for like a minute or so and can tell I'm not pleasing her super well and speed up but then I run out of energy for like 10 seconds and that break just gets rid of the built up climax I was trying to reach. Rinse and repeat. I feel like I know for sure if I wasn't pressured to cum fast that I'd be able to in 4-8 minutes of going at the pace I want.She doesn't give great head in many ways , one of which being she focuses on going deep and stuff way too early so she tires herself out before I reach the finish line , I try telling her to just take it easy until I'm beginning to climax so she has the energy and lack of Lockjaw to pull it off. But she still seems to not really understand and will take a bunch of breaks after like a minute of pleasing me. When really all I need is like 4 consistent minutes of mostly hand and tip sucking to get off (sorry for the graphic imagery) it's the lack of consistent pleasure that does it.So I feel like I'm at a place where I don't really enjoy sex with her. Not even because of the "blue balls" but rather because the intercourse itself isn't pleasurable. And my pride or maybe ego rather can't handle just focusing on me and going slow when I know she doesn't really enjoy that much at all.Can I get some advice about how to reach climax during intercourse besides just going slow for a while and steadily building up? Or is that really the only option? Is there anyway to feel fast sex more? Like to actually feel the sensations? I suppose I could communicate more with her but like I've done more than just drop hints. Sure I haven't been super assertive but I have vocalized how I think this is the issue.Also sorry if this is tmi but I feel this context may be neccessary , my length is 7.5 inches and my girth is 6 inches. So it's not because I have a small penis that slow sex isn't enjoyable for her. And I do masturbate regularly but that's not gonna be given up just so when I see this friend of mine I may be able to cum because I've tried this before and it didn't work and I dont consider it worth it when it's not like I'm sleeping with her more than a few times a month, and it's not even for sure gonna work. So giving up masturbation just for the off chance one of the few times I sleep with her a month I may be able to cum I don't consider worth it.