Worried that my friend is being raped for the sake of being in a relationship

I have a friend who has serious co-dependency issues and problems with loneliness and desperation, and feels she needs a bf in order to gain personal fulfillment. She keeps going on dating apps without even having standards of any kind and flirting sexually with guys she doesn't even know and practically begging them to come have sex with her.

Whenever a guy comes and meets up with her though she says she doesn't actually want sex, she just wants a normal date and it is always so clear that is lying about her intentions just to get them to show up to meet her because she feels there is no other way to get them to like her unless she does this. The guys she meets up with then always question why she lied to get them to show up, and insist that they have sex with her when she is reluctant to do so.

Even though she says no initially to them asking for sex from her because that is initially what she seemed so clear on doing with them, she always caves and lets them have sex with her because she feels that is what she needs to do to get them to like her. It never works out though as they just leave her right after they have sex because she seems so desperate and clingy and she just ends up getting hurt by doing this.

Is it fair to say that these guys are coercing her into sex even though not one of them have actually threatened or really forced her into anything, they have only been insistent when she initially says no to them? I mean they have never given her an ultimatum like they never said 'do it or else', they just want her to deliver on her word that she was going to have sex with them.

Is it fair to say she is being raped by these guys when she keeps letting them violate her like this because she is pressuring herself to do it in the hopes they will like her? I mean she doesn't really want to have sex with them, she just accepts that she needs to do it for their approval of her and she never even tries to resist them in any way or tell them to stop while they have sex.

So is it fair to say she is being raped and coerced into sex when it is by her own personal ultimatum to let them use her in the hopes of gaining a relationship out of it and not by the threat or blackmail of any guy? I feel like this is a grey area in terms of consent and its a tough situation to know for sure.



Submitted September 18, 2021 at 02:41AM

I have a friend who has serious co-dependency issues and problems with loneliness and desperation, and feels she needs a bf in order to gain personal fulfillment. She keeps going on dating apps without even having standards of any kind and flirting sexually with guys she doesn't even know and practically begging them to come have sex with her.Whenever a guy comes and meets up with her though she says she doesn't actually want sex, she just wants a normal date and it is always so clear that is lying about her intentions just to get them to show up to meet her because she feels there is no other way to get them to like her unless she does this. The guys she meets up with then always question why she lied to get them to show up, and insist that they have sex with her when she is reluctant to do so.Even though she says no initially to them asking for sex from her because that is initially what she seemed so clear on doing with them, she always caves and lets them have sex with her because she feels that is what she needs to do to get them to like her. It never works out though as they just leave her right after they have sex because she seems so desperate and clingy and she just ends up getting hurt by doing this.Is it fair to say that these guys are coercing her into sex even though not one of them have actually threatened or really forced her into anything, they have only been insistent when she initially says no to them? I mean they have never given her an ultimatum like they never said 'do it or else', they just want her to deliver on her word that she was going to have sex with them.Is it fair to say she is being raped by these guys when she keeps letting them violate her like this because she is pressuring herself to do it in the hopes they will like her? I mean she doesn't really want to have sex with them, she just accepts that she needs to do it for their approval of her and she never even tries to resist them in any way or tell them to stop while they have sex.So is it fair to say she is being raped and coerced into sex when it is by her own personal ultimatum to let them use her in the hopes of gaining a relationship out of it and not by the threat or blackmail of any guy? I feel like this is a grey area in terms of consent and its a tough situation to know for sure.
Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Add Comments, Posts, Links... etc.

Popular posts from this blog

The difference between being right and being understood

My boyfriend and I are 28. We’ve been together for about 1.5 years and recently moved in together. He’s a pretty patient and easygoing person (Type B) whereas I’m more particular (Type A). Of course there are two sides to every trait, and my Type A nature benefits us in some ways too. Like all couples, we have differences in perspective or preference. When this happens, he will usually say something like “I disagree (with your perspective) but fine.” I tend to push the issue in an attempt to get him to understand where I’m coming from. This escalates the disagreement into a fight because he perceives it as me trying to be “right”. I truly just want to be understood (and I want to understand where he’s coming from) so I’m looking for more of a dialogue whereas he avoids conflict and just wants it to be over as quickly as possible. His general approach is “agree to disagree” but that doesn’t make sense to me when it’s an issue that will keep coming up and requires compromise. I’m n...
Read more

My (27f) gf (27f) is getting tired of me not sharing intimate/ personal info about me

I’ve always been extremely private and introverted. We have more than a year together and we’ve been living together for like 6 months, we get along pretty good and I’m really in love with her, however I can not seem to open up... and I can tell it’s frustrating to her by the way she tells me it bothers her that she feels she’s the only one committed and the one that’s always sharing... At this point I don’t even know if it is that I’ve gotten too used to it, to the point I’ve became lazy to talk about myself or give any genuine personal opinion... it sucks, really, I need to communicate better... Where do I start? Tl;dr: I can’t be completely intimate with my gf and its frustrating her, I need to communicate better because I really love her... where to start? Submitted April 25, 2019 at 06:02AM I’ve always been extremely private and introverted. We have more than a year together and we’ve been living together for like 6 months, we get along pretty good and I’m really in love ...
Read more

My (23M) girlfriend (25F) relationship is confusing to me. I might be the problem, or maybe we are just incompatible.

I met my girlfriend after a few serious breakups that led me to change both intentionally and unintentionally over a few years. For better and for worse. She had just gotten out of an engagement with a verbally and physically abusive man who had a cocaine problem. We have been together about 8 months now. We hit it off and spent a lot of time together but she began to push our relationship as if there were a time clock for milestones. I was pressed beyond my comfort zone and went with it because of my affection for her. My living situation fell apart and I lost a few thousand dollars to shit roommates right around the time she and I met and she offered to let me stay with her. I agreed with some resistance. I pay for food, help her with bills, and throw money toward rent while trying to get back on my feet. As long as we have been together she has gotten more possessive, angry, and irrational. She is dealing with shit from her engagement and I feel shes looking for a level of seriou...
Read more