Can my husband (26 M) keep me (24 M) from my best friend?

I recently got married to my SO of two years. We briefly broke up for about 6 months during fall/winter 2019. During that time I befriended a coworker. We flirted a bit, but when we started hanging out everyday we realized we actually just enjoyed each other’s company as friends! We developed a friend group and he was very supportive of me during the time I was single and struggling to get a new apartment and learn to be on my own again. We became best friends and about 4 months later I ended up getting back with my current husband. I did not tell my husband about our past flirting period because it was so brief and we spent the majority of our time as platonic friends anyways. I should have been honest, but I expected a terrible reaction. When he found out by seeing old text messages he lost it and for a while he complained about our friendship. I understood his feelings, but we became best friends when I was single and I don’t think I should have to give up my best friend that I gained while on my own. Nonetheless he continued to complain. We ended up eloping one day and started our life as a married couple. I then found out that someone he claimed was just a cousin was actually someone he had slept with before and continued to have a sexual text dynamic. I feel like my husband is selfish to ask me to give up a platonic friend while he had a dishonest friendship with this other person the entire time we have been together. It’s like he was going to make me sacrifice my best friend and he got to keep whatever that relationship with that other person is until I found out about it. This seems so messy and toxic. All I do is resent him during the day and he is starting to pick up on it. I know he loves me and I love him, but I’m starting to think he’s selfish, immature and insecure. I don’t know what to do. Talk it out? Separate? Stay miserable in the marriage in silence?

TLDR My husband had me end my friendship with my best friend because we flirted when we first started hanging out (when I was single) I ended the friendship to appease my husband and came to find out he had a secret friend who was more than a friend the entire time we’d been together and lied about it.



Submitted September 15, 2020 at 11:33PM

I recently got married to my SO of two years. We briefly broke up for about 6 months during fall/winter 2019. During that time I befriended a coworker. We flirted a bit, but when we started hanging out everyday we realized we actually just enjoyed each other’s company as friends! We developed a friend group and he was very supportive of me during the time I was single and struggling to get a new apartment and learn to be on my own again. We became best friends and about 4 months later I ended up getting back with my current husband. I did not tell my husband about our past flirting period because it was so brief and we spent the majority of our time as platonic friends anyways. I should have been honest, but I expected a terrible reaction. When he found out by seeing old text messages he lost it and for a while he complained about our friendship. I understood his feelings, but we became best friends when I was single and I don’t think I should have to give up my best friend that I gained while on my own. Nonetheless he continued to complain. We ended up eloping one day and started our life as a married couple. I then found out that someone he claimed was just a cousin was actually someone he had slept with before and continued to have a sexual text dynamic. I feel like my husband is selfish to ask me to give up a platonic friend while he had a dishonest friendship with this other person the entire time we have been together. It’s like he was going to make me sacrifice my best friend and he got to keep whatever that relationship with that other person is until I found out about it. This seems so messy and toxic. All I do is resent him during the day and he is starting to pick up on it. I know he loves me and I love him, but I’m starting to think he’s selfish, immature and insecure. I don’t know what to do. Talk it out? Separate? Stay miserable in the marriage in silence?TLDR My husband had me end my friendship with my best friend because we flirted when we first started hanging out (when I was single) I ended the friendship to appease my husband and came to find out he had a secret friend who was more than a friend the entire time we’d been together and lied about it.
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