How important is labelling your online relationship?

I’ve [f37] been chatting to [M33] For about 7 months. It was completely just as friends for the first 4 months, as I was flirting with another guy (I’ll call him haggis) beforehand. I only get flirty with one guy at a time. What ever the thing was with haggis it was never defined. He was unreliable and inattentive, in hindsight he talked a lot of bs too. I was actually quite anxious most of the time I talked with him, because of how vague things were and his behaviour.
Haggis was my first ld whatever it was, I didn’t know any better, I thought that was what a ldr was like, A kind of online fwb. until I started talking More with [m33] And Realised there were other communication styles. He’d even pointed out that it was weird things weren’t defined between haggis and me.
Anyway things with haggis went south, he called it off. I wasn’t ready for the dent to my self esteem at that time, but I knew it was for the best. I didn’t tell [m33] That things had ended with haggis for almost a month. I wasn’t ready to think about dating, I didn’t want to get hurt, and I didn’t trust my judgement, so after the month, I stupidly suggested another flirty fwb scenario, this time with [m33] it wasn’t Going to be exclusive, that lasted about 1-2 days before I realised what a mistake that is, as im a monogamist through and through. And I only fancied [m33] And saw potential there. I straight up told him I had a crush on him and That I’m not going to be flirting with anyone else. Lucky for me he felt the same. We agreed to take it easy, hang out in calls etc. And I stupidly, *face palm* said. I couldn’t consider myself as someones gf unless they’d asked me in person irl.

fast forward 3 months, and I feel like I’ve shot myself in the foot here. Things are going really well. We have fun, talk a lot, He makes me feel secure, And our talks involve Plans to meet up regularly In the future. We seem to be on the same page, More than fwb and I want nothing more than to be able to call him my bf. Buuuut we haven’t defined the relationship!
I have rejection issues stemming from my ex husband, so I rarely initiate anything where there is the potential to be shut down. Or i do it in a way, where there is a get out clause, so I can be let down and have excuses Ready for it. (I know how much of a Self sabotaging practice this is) so asking [m33] if he wants to make things official Makes me so anxious. Even bringing it up in conversation feels like too much right now. rationally I’m 99% sure we feel the same about each other as appropriate at this early stage. And like Ive said I feel secure he’s not going anywhere.

so why do I have this desire to label the relationship and is it really that important to do so? Any input would be welcome as I want to stop overthinking this now. Guess that 1% insecurity is playing on my mind a bit

Plus sorry for the long post, I’m a bit aspie.

Submitted July 16, 2020 at 11:29PM

I’ve [f37] been chatting to [M33] For about 7 months. It was completely just as friends for the first 4 months, as I was flirting with another guy (I’ll call him haggis) beforehand. I only get flirty with one guy at a time. What ever the thing was with haggis it was never defined. He was unreliable and inattentive, in hindsight he talked a lot of bs too. I was actually quite anxious most of the time I talked with him, because of how vague things were and his behaviour.Haggis was my first ld whatever it was, I didn’t know any better, I thought that was what a ldr was like, A kind of online fwb. until I started talking More with [m33] And Realised there were other communication styles. He’d even pointed out that it was weird things weren’t defined between haggis and me.Anyway things with haggis went south, he called it off. I wasn’t ready for the dent to my self esteem at that time, but I knew it was for the best. I didn’t tell [m33] That things had ended with haggis for almost a month. I wasn’t ready to think about dating, I didn’t want to get hurt, and I didn’t trust my judgement, so after the month, I stupidly suggested another flirty fwb scenario, this time with [m33] it wasn’t Going to be exclusive, that lasted about 1-2 days before I realised what a mistake that is, as im a monogamist through and through. And I only fancied [m33] And saw potential there. I straight up told him I had a crush on him and That I’m not going to be flirting with anyone else. Lucky for me he felt the same. We agreed to take it easy, hang out in calls etc. And I stupidly, *face palm* said. I couldn’t consider myself as someones gf unless they’d asked me in person irl.fast forward 3 months, and I feel like I’ve shot myself in the foot here. Things are going really well. We have fun, talk a lot, He makes me feel secure, And our talks involve Plans to meet up regularly In the future. We seem to be on the same page, More than fwb and I want nothing more than to be able to call him my bf. Buuuut we haven’t defined the relationship!I have rejection issues stemming from my ex husband, so I rarely initiate anything where there is the potential to be shut down. Or i do it in a way, where there is a get out clause, so I can be let down and have excuses Ready for it. (I know how much of a Self sabotaging practice this is) so asking [m33] if he wants to make things official Makes me so anxious. Even bringing it up in conversation feels like too much right now. rationally I’m 99% sure we feel the same about each other as appropriate at this early stage. And like Ive said I feel secure he’s not going anywhere.so why do I have this desire to label the relationship and is it really that important to do so? Any input would be welcome as I want to stop overthinking this now. Guess that 1% insecurity is playing on my mind a bitPlus sorry for the long post, I’m a bit aspie.