Are we sexually incompatible or what?

Where did the passion go? Sexually incompatible or what? TMI details.

My (33F) husband (33M) and I have been married for 13 years, we have two beautiful daughters and are very much in love. We met when we were both 18, married at 20, parents at 22. We’re both now 33 and still best friends and happily married. Before we were married and for a while afterward we were very passionate. Lots of touching, deep kisses, frequent sex. Slowly it started going down but not on my part. I have always had a very high libido where I’d want sex every day and he used to keep up. I had a hysterectomy at 28 due to health complications and my libido slowed down to where I may want it once a week. He would be perfectly happy with like once every 3-4 months.

I’m his first everything. He’d never even kissed anybody before me. I had one serious relationship before him with LOTS of passion!

Don’t get me wrong though, he’s a very giving partner and makes sure he gives me “satisfaction” when I want it. I want him to be more of a participant though. I don’t just want the big O. I want intimacy and passion with my husband. More often than not when I go in for a kiss he gives me his cheek. When we do kiss it’s more of a peck and nothing open mouth or anything. Husband IS a bit of a germ-phobe. He will say he doesn’t want to kiss me before he brushes his teeth and I told him it doesn’t bother me at all. I mean, he’s watched me give birth twice and we’ve been together a long time. A little halitosis isn’t going to kill him or me. Last night I was really feeling it and he was willing so we went to do our thing. He comes in and starts complaining that the sheets aren’t on the right way and the bedroom isn’t tidy. He almost killed the moment but I needed it lol. As soon as it’s over he wants to rush to the bathroom to clean up. The bodily fluids seem to gross him out.

I have sat him down multiple times, time and time again, to tell him I need more passion and intimacy that I feel is lacking. He says he will try and for a little while it gets better but eventually fades away to where we are. Kissing is very big for me and I need more than grandma pecks. I love him to death and this isn’t a deal breaker or anything, I just don’t know what to do. He doesn’t want to try anything new. Oral sex is a no-go for him and completely off the table for him. I masturbate frequently and he knows and doesn’t seem to mind at all.

I’ve considered that his testosterone is low but he won’t go to a doctor to get checked out. It’s frustrating for me because I don’t want to be in my mid-thirties acting like we’re 90. Is there anything we can do here? Are we sexually incompatible?

Submitted June 15, 2020 at 11:43PM

Where did the passion go? Sexually incompatible or what? TMI details.My (33F) husband (33M) and I have been married for 13 years, we have two beautiful daughters and are very much in love. We met when we were both 18, married at 20, parents at 22. We’re both now 33 and still best friends and happily married. Before we were married and for a while afterward we were very passionate. Lots of touching, deep kisses, frequent sex. Slowly it started going down but not on my part. I have always had a very high libido where I’d want sex every day and he used to keep up. I had a hysterectomy at 28 due to health complications and my libido slowed down to where I may want it once a week. He would be perfectly happy with like once every 3-4 months.I’m his first everything. He’d never even kissed anybody before me. I had one serious relationship before him with LOTS of passion!Don’t get me wrong though, he’s a very giving partner and makes sure he gives me “satisfaction” when I want it. I want him to be more of a participant though. I don’t just want the big O. I want intimacy and passion with my husband. More often than not when I go in for a kiss he gives me his cheek. When we do kiss it’s more of a peck and nothing open mouth or anything. Husband IS a bit of a germ-phobe. He will say he doesn’t want to kiss me before he brushes his teeth and I told him it doesn’t bother me at all. I mean, he’s watched me give birth twice and we’ve been together a long time. A little halitosis isn’t going to kill him or me. Last night I was really feeling it and he was willing so we went to do our thing. He comes in and starts complaining that the sheets aren’t on the right way and the bedroom isn’t tidy. He almost killed the moment but I needed it lol. As soon as it’s over he wants to rush to the bathroom to clean up. The bodily fluids seem to gross him out.I have sat him down multiple times, time and time again, to tell him I need more passion and intimacy that I feel is lacking. He says he will try and for a little while it gets better but eventually fades away to where we are. Kissing is very big for me and I need more than grandma pecks. I love him to death and this isn’t a deal breaker or anything, I just don’t know what to do. He doesn’t want to try anything new. Oral sex is a no-go for him and completely off the table for him. I masturbate frequently and he knows and doesn’t seem to mind at all.I’ve considered that his testosterone is low but he won’t go to a doctor to get checked out. It’s frustrating for me because I don’t want to be in my mid-thirties acting like we’re 90. Is there anything we can do here? Are we sexually incompatible?