Sexless in Seattle... (BF with ED) Warning Long Post

So I (38 y/o XX) have been with my boyfriend (41) of two years. Prior to meeting my boyfriend I have always been a woman with a high sex drive. I love sex... I crave sex. I appear nerdy on the outside but love being a borderline sex addict underneath it all. When I met my guy I was not looking for a relationship but we just clicked and I was drawn to him despite the fact that we are completely opposites.

My first surprise was the night we had sex. I like Spanish men as most seem to be fiery and generally uncut. When we went to have sex he was circumcised. Not my preference but it’s fine. Next surprise was how small he was. That’s a bit more challenging as I am a tall woman and like to have my G spot hit. Last initial issue was he only lasts a minute in bed. Literally. We never got to have that “Honeymoon amazing sex” as he got a hernia at work only two weeks into the relationship. Which leads me to the next and biggest issue. He had ED which was able to be masked because of his injuries. I thought it was a result of pain and I was extremely kind and empathetic.

Months into the relationship (and us living together) I was cleaning and found a doctor diagnosis of ED dated almost a year prior to us meeting. I felt so many emotions. Shock, hurt, concern which internally turned into anger. I felt lied too. This entire time he knew he had an issue and played on my empathy. Being in the medical field I am very informed on this condition and approaching it in the right manner as to not make it worse. We eventually had a heart to heart about it. As to not hurt his pride and ego I suggested seeing a urologist again for medication. I went with him and supported him throughout his entire journey which he was very grateful.

My dilemma is this... throughout the entire relationship he has been extremely selfish. He is the first lover I have ever had that doesn’t care a lot sexually pleasing me. He is a minute man (when taking his pills as he cannot achieve am erection without) and when he is done, he will then get up and leave for work or he wants me to hold/cuddle him. I feel I have done all I can (talk openly about my desires, express what I want, suggest toys, etc). Eventually I became blunt and said “You know women orgasm too”. I brought up using a dildo on me. That didn’t go over well. Almost 8 months later he realized how selfish he was but still has an issue going. I have realized that while he is good to me outside the bedroom sex is a MASSIVE issue. It’s finally come to the point where I do not want sex with him, at all. I do it to please him and know it will be over soon. He tries to go down on me but I’ve lost all interest because of how much effort it’s taken. I have so many men who want to please me yet my man doesn’t. I should not have to beg for sex. It’s really messed with my head, self esteem and made me question myself.

I have tried to leave him a few times but he won’t let me go. He chases me so hard, cries and swears he will change. Another issue is he wants kids and marriage. I want to travel the world, eat nice food and fuck. I wouldn’t mind having a child but if we only have sex now every 1-2 months what would it be like with a kid!! (I usually just suck his soft dick until he climaxes as sex is so horrible and again zero desire). I feel so confused. I feel like I should be grateful to have a guy who won’t cheat on me or text other women and just suck it up and deal with a sexless life, but I also feel I am not being true to myself. Sex is natural, makes me happy and reduces stress. I have become bitter and resentful at times. This is not like me. I am so confused and really could use some advice. And maybe; just maybe, someone out there is in the same situation as I am and needs to read this and know they are not alone. Thank you 🙏🏼

Submitted May 11, 2020 at 11:58PM

So I (38 y/o XX) have been with my boyfriend (41) of two years. Prior to meeting my boyfriend I have always been a woman with a high sex drive. I love sex... I crave sex. I appear nerdy on the outside but love being a borderline sex addict underneath it all. When I met my guy I was not looking for a relationship but we just clicked and I was drawn to him despite the fact that we are completely opposites.My first surprise was the night we had sex. I like Spanish men as most seem to be fiery and generally uncut. When we went to have sex he was circumcised. Not my preference but it’s fine. Next surprise was how small he was. That’s a bit more challenging as I am a tall woman and like to have my G spot hit. Last initial issue was he only lasts a minute in bed. Literally. We never got to have that “Honeymoon amazing sex” as he got a hernia at work only two weeks into the relationship. Which leads me to the next and biggest issue. He had ED which was able to be masked because of his injuries. I thought it was a result of pain and I was extremely kind and empathetic.Months into the relationship (and us living together) I was cleaning and found a doctor diagnosis of ED dated almost a year prior to us meeting. I felt so many emotions. Shock, hurt, concern which internally turned into anger. I felt lied too. This entire time he knew he had an issue and played on my empathy. Being in the medical field I am very informed on this condition and approaching it in the right manner as to not make it worse. We eventually had a heart to heart about it. As to not hurt his pride and ego I suggested seeing a urologist again for medication. I went with him and supported him throughout his entire journey which he was very grateful.My dilemma is this... throughout the entire relationship he has been extremely selfish. He is the first lover I have ever had that doesn’t care a lot sexually pleasing me. He is a minute man (when taking his pills as he cannot achieve am erection without) and when he is done, he will then get up and leave for work or he wants me to hold/cuddle him. I feel I have done all I can (talk openly about my desires, express what I want, suggest toys, etc). Eventually I became blunt and said “You know women orgasm too”. I brought up using a dildo on me. That didn’t go over well. Almost 8 months later he realized how selfish he was but still has an issue going. I have realized that while he is good to me outside the bedroom sex is a MASSIVE issue. It’s finally come to the point where I do not want sex with him, at all. I do it to please him and know it will be over soon. He tries to go down on me but I’ve lost all interest because of how much effort it’s taken. I have so many men who want to please me yet my man doesn’t. I should not have to beg for sex. It’s really messed with my head, self esteem and made me question myself.I have tried to leave him a few times but he won’t let me go. He chases me so hard, cries and swears he will change. Another issue is he wants kids and marriage. I want to travel the world, eat nice food and fuck. I wouldn’t mind having a child but if we only have sex now every 1-2 months what would it be like with a kid!! (I usually just suck his soft dick until he climaxes as sex is so horrible and again zero desire). I feel so confused. I feel like I should be grateful to have a guy who won’t cheat on me or text other women and just suck it up and deal with a sexless life, but I also feel I am not being true to myself. Sex is natural, makes me happy and reduces stress. I have become bitter and resentful at times. This is not like me. I am so confused and really could use some advice. And maybe; just maybe, someone out there is in the same situation as I am and needs to read this and know they are not alone. Thank you 🙏🏼