My Favorite Marriage Advice and Resources

Like many people lately, I’ve had a lot of Reddit browsing free time in my hands. I really enjoy this sub, and thought I’d share my favorite resources with you, Reddit friends. So... here are my 2 cents on making a great marriage.

Before I begin: all the advice and counseling in the world isn’t going to help a seriously mismatched couple. It is virtually impossible to build a strong marriage with someone if you don’t share some common values. Compatibility matters in a relationship.

When you finally marry, don’t rush to have children. Parenting is not the romanticized fun that movies will have you believe! Enjoy each other for a while before taking the icy cold plunge into parenthood.

With that...

  • Put your marriage first. Marriage, not children. The greatest gift you can give your kids is love. The second is a strong family, which means parents who are happy, loving and respectful together.

  • Communicate frequently and clearly. Learn to fight “right.” Confront your spouse without blaming, insulting and meaningless “you always/never” exaggerations. Read Dr. Gottman’s Seven Principles For Making Marriage Work and be on the lookout for the Four Horsemen — if you can successfully do this, your communication problems will disappear.

  • Stay in shape and put effort into looking your best (this goes for both genders). Being fit is incredibly helpful to maintaining not only attraction, but physical and mental health. There’s a mountain of research and evidence that eating well and exercising improve mood and quality of life. Fit couples also have better and more frequent sex. Which brings us to...

  • Sex. Matters. Period! If you stop having sex with your spouse, it will almost certainly be detrimental to your marriage. In that case, work with your spouse to find a solution. Do not ignore it. Do not act as if desire for sex is a character flaw. It isn’t. Read this, and start working to fix it.

  • Marriage turned one sided, with you putting in all the effort and your spouse none? It’s not too late to fix. Yes, couples can and do fall in love again! My go to books are The 5 Languages of Love by Gary Chapman and Marriage Fitness by Mort Fertel. Read them and put the stuff to work. Then watch your spouse become the amazing lover he/she was when you were dating.

  • Know that a happy marriage isn’t happy all the time. It is ok to have tough phases. Keep this in perspective before assuming the relationship is over. Ride the waves with love and respect for one another, and you will come out the other side!

  • Finally, remember: you are not flawless. Before blaming your spouse and lashing out, assess how you contributed to the problem. Put yourself in his/her shoes — develop your empathy. Cultivate continued personal growth and emotional intelligence. Do this first, and only then demand the same of your husband or wife.

Happily married redditors, what am I missing? Please share your thoughts and experiences.



Submitted May 24, 2020 at 11:40PM

Like many people lately, I’ve had a lot of Reddit browsing free time in my hands. I really enjoy this sub, and thought I’d share my favorite resources with you, Reddit friends. So... here are my 2 cents on making a great marriage.Before I begin: all the advice and counseling in the world isn’t going to help a seriously mismatched couple. It is virtually impossible to build a strong marriage with someone if you don’t share some common values. Compatibility matters in a relationship.When you finally marry, don’t rush to have children. Parenting is not the romanticized fun that movies will have you believe! Enjoy each other for a while before taking the icy cold plunge into parenthood.With that...Put your marriage first. Marriage, not children. The greatest gift you can give your kids is love. The second is a strong family, which means parents who are happy, loving and respectful together.Communicate frequently and clearly. Learn to fight “right.” Confront your spouse without blaming, insulting and meaningless “you always/never” exaggerations. Read Dr. Gottman’s Seven Principles For Making Marriage Work and be on the lookout for the Four Horsemen — if you can successfully do this, your communication problems will disappear.Stay in shape and put effort into looking your best (this goes for both genders). Being fit is incredibly helpful to maintaining not only attraction, but physical and mental health. There’s a mountain of research and evidence that eating well and exercising improve mood and quality of life. Fit couples also have better and more frequent sex. Which brings us to...Sex. Matters. Period! If you stop having sex with your spouse, it will almost certainly be detrimental to your marriage. In that case, work with your spouse to find a solution. Do not ignore it. Do not act as if desire for sex is a character flaw. It isn’t. Read this, and start working to fix it.Marriage turned one sided, with you putting in all the effort and your spouse none? It’s not too late to fix. Yes, couples can and do fall in love again! My go to books are The 5 Languages of Love by Gary Chapman and Marriage Fitness by Mort Fertel. Read them and put the stuff to work. Then watch your spouse become the amazing lover he/she was when you were dating.Know that a happy marriage isn’t happy all the time. It is ok to have tough phases. Keep this in perspective before assuming the relationship is over. Ride the waves with love and respect for one another, and you will come out the other side!Finally, remember: you are not flawless. Before blaming your spouse and lashing out, assess how you contributed to the problem. Put yourself in his/her shoes — develop your empathy. Cultivate continued personal growth and emotional intelligence. Do this first, and only then demand the same of your husband or wife.Happily married redditors, what am I missing? Please share your thoughts and experiences.
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